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So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing. This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens. Are you an unworthy, broken person – and […]

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6006) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing.

This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens.

Are you an unworthy, broken person – and this is why you are in this predicament today, a victim of infidelity? Read on for the answer to this question.

Cheating: The End of a Dream?

Think back to your wedding day. You no doubt had high hopes that every day in the future would be as picture perfect as that day was. You were full of positive dreams for the future.

At some point, a transition took place from that dream-like, newlywed state to the one where you get involved in the business of life: working, cleaning, family and childcare obligations and staying on top of the ever-present “to do” list.

And then you found out your spouse cheated.

Upon finding out about your spouse’s affair, you may have had thoughts such as:

“I cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. I must not have done it well.”

“I poured my entire identity into this relationship, and now I’m just a shadow.”

“Apparently, I’m just not worthy of devotion from my spouse, if he/she could do this.”

Suddenly, everything is cast into a negative light: your sense of self-worth, your lifestyle, who you are as an individual. In addition, because this one horrible decision has been made by your spouse, it may seem as if this failure is a catastrophe is something from which you can never recover.

Unfortunately when an affair broadsides the victim, negative thinking seems to become the rule of the day. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you first discover your spouse has been unfaithful, or to feel good about anything – including yourself.

No doubt about it, your self-confidence has taken a hit. You question everything:  your marriage, yourself, and every choice you’ve made since that fateful day when you first met your husband or wife. You sift through every mistake you’ve made, and sum it all up as one big mess that there’s no turning back from.

You may even doubt you’re worthy of happiness and a good marriage. A divorce could be in your thoughts, and you’re ready to toss in the towel. It’s over, right?

Not so fast.

Three Steps to Regain Your Marriage-Saving Power

This is a lot to take on yourself – a huge burden from which I want to offer you some steps to find relief.

Step 1: Reframe the “failure” of marital infidelity

Your spouse made a rotten decision. While it may seem as if it’s a catastrophe, that’s only your mind defining it as such. If you want to rebuild your marriage, then reframe the affair not as a catastrophe, but as your marriage “wake up” call.

You’ve heard the saying, “when handed lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, your spouse sure handed you some bitter lemons. The lemonade to make from them is the opportunity to review your life and your marriage, and see if there are changes that could be made in how you’ve been conducting your life.

Too much time spent at work? Too much attention to the kids – to the exclusion of your relationship with your spouse? (I know this is a challenging one – obviously, children are an integral part of your life when you have them, but there is still the relationship between you and your spouse that needs attention.) Have you neglected to communicate your needs to your spouse?

Step 2: Understand that infidelity places you in a temporary mindset

Notice I say “temporary.” It’s important to remind yourself that what you are going through at the moment does not need to color your entire future. Your mantra may need to be: “this too shall pass.”

Don’t accept that this negative period of your life actually defines who you are as a person, what your marriage is, and what you deserve. Remind yourself that you make those definitions, and right now – the affair has dust cast an ugly cloud over everything. The cloud will pass.

Step 3: Work on your self-confidence

Negativity undermines our self-confidence: we don’t feel confident to get along in the world. You may begin to think of yourself as unworthy and broken, but when you hear those thoughts come into your head – immediately counter them with their opposite: I am worthy, I am a whole person.

Our minds are powerful. Please remind yourself frequently that it’s YOU who has the power over what goes through there in the form of thoughts, images and memory interpretations.

My very best to you as you reframe failure and save your marriage.

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(587) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing. This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens. Are you an unworthy, broken person – and […]

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6006) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing.

This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens.

Are you an unworthy, broken person – and this is why you are in this predicament today, a victim of infidelity? Read on for the answer to this question.

Cheating: The End of a Dream?

Think back to your wedding day. You no doubt had high hopes that every day in the future would be as picture perfect as that day was. You were full of positive dreams for the future.

At some point, a transition took place from that dream-like, newlywed state to the one where you get involved in the business of life: working, cleaning, family and childcare obligations and staying on top of the ever-present “to do” list.

And then you found out your spouse cheated.

Upon finding out about your spouse’s affair, you may have had thoughts such as:

“I cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. I must not have done it well.”

“I poured my entire identity into this relationship, and now I’m just a shadow.”

“Apparently, I’m just not worthy of devotion from my spouse, if he/she could do this.”

Suddenly, everything is cast into a negative light: your sense of self-worth, your lifestyle, who you are as an individual. In addition, because this one horrible decision has been made by your spouse, it may seem as if this failure is a catastrophe is something from which you can never recover.

Unfortunately when an affair broadsides the victim, negative thinking seems to become the rule of the day. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you first discover your spouse has been unfaithful, or to feel good about anything – including yourself.

No doubt about it, your self-confidence has taken a hit. You question everything:  your marriage, yourself, and every choice you’ve made since that fateful day when you first met your husband or wife. You sift through every mistake you’ve made, and sum it all up as one big mess that there’s no turning back from.

You may even doubt you’re worthy of happiness and a good marriage. A divorce could be in your thoughts, and you’re ready to toss in the towel. It’s over, right?

Not so fast.

Three Steps to Regain Your Marriage-Saving Power

This is a lot to take on yourself – a huge burden from which I want to offer you some steps to find relief.

Step 1: Reframe the “failure” of marital infidelity

Your spouse made a rotten decision. While it may seem as if it’s a catastrophe, that’s only your mind defining it as such. If you want to rebuild your marriage, then reframe the affair not as a catastrophe, but as your marriage “wake up” call.

You’ve heard the saying, “when handed lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, your spouse sure handed you some bitter lemons. The lemonade to make from them is the opportunity to review your life and your marriage, and see if there are changes that could be made in how you’ve been conducting your life.

Too much time spent at work? Too much attention to the kids – to the exclusion of your relationship with your spouse? (I know this is a challenging one – obviously, children are an integral part of your life when you have them, but there is still the relationship between you and your spouse that needs attention.) Have you neglected to communicate your needs to your spouse?

Step 2: Understand that infidelity places you in a temporary mindset

Notice I say “temporary.” It’s important to remind yourself that what you are going through at the moment does not need to color your entire future. Your mantra may need to be: “this too shall pass.”

Don’t accept that this negative period of your life actually defines who you are as a person, what your marriage is, and what you deserve. Remind yourself that you make those definitions, and right now – the affair has dust cast an ugly cloud over everything. The cloud will pass.

Step 3: Work on your self-confidence

Negativity undermines our self-confidence: we don’t feel confident to get along in the world. You may begin to think of yourself as unworthy and broken, but when you hear those thoughts come into your head – immediately counter them with their opposite: I am worthy, I am a whole person.

Our minds are powerful. Please remind yourself frequently that it’s YOU who has the power over what goes through there in the form of thoughts, images and memory interpretations.

My very best to you as you reframe failure and save your marriage.

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582216231) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(26) "Are You a Fun “Assassin?" ["link"]=> string(61) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/are-you-a-fun-assassin/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:57:32 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(139) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveRebuild the TrustRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriage" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4305" ["description"]=> string(527) "

Are you a guarded person? If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner. And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner. Why? Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It […]

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3863) "

Are you a guarded person?

If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner.

And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner.

Why?

Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It can turn you into a fun “assassin.” A killjoy.

In this blog, I want to show you how to let go, relax, and become less guarded so you can rebuild intimacy. Read on…

Being On Guard Has Negative Consequences for your Relationship

Do you ever feel as if you need to stay in self-protective mode to prevent being hurt?

This is a common underlying thought that people who are on guard tend to have. If you find yourself driven by the desire to protect yourself from hurt, no doubt you have been hurt before. You may have vowed to yourself, “never again.”

What happens, though, is that your worldview can change. Subconsciously, you are on the lookout for perceived attacks—and may read them where there are none.

For example, your partner makes a comment to you that you perceive as a negative attack. You counter-attack and next thing, you’re in a big blow-up. But what if they were simply making an observation, and not deliberately trying to hurt you?

For a person on guard, they don’t hit the pause button and take the time to analyze the situation—they shoot first and ask questions later.

So what’s the effect on a partner?

They can become fearful of saying the wrong thing, and they will begin to walk on eggshells. It can lead to distancing, and that means your feelings of intimacy with your partner are going to stagnate—if not suffocate.

And more than likely, it means you and your partner aren’t having any fun, because everything has been covered in a veil of suspicion.

No intimacy… no fun… what should you do?

These next two tips should help you out…

2 Tips for Letting that Guard Down

You know yourself pretty well, right? And you know if you feel a bit guarded, fearful that your partner may hurt you.

If you feel you’ve gotten into the habit of being on guard, it’s time to undo the habit. The easiest way to do that is with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Let Your Hair Down

It’s not so easy to tell someone, “Let your guard down” and then it just happens. There’s fear beneath the behavior. A person who holds fear often feels powerless.

An easier way to work into letting your guard down is to try something new with your partner, something that you’ll both enjoy. Keep an open mind that when you’re having fun, you should be pretty safe.

Tip #2: Plan a Positive Surprise

Think of something your partner loves to do and do it. Maybe take a day to explore something new or do an event that your partner will really enjoy. Do it even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in.

You may be surprised yourself, when you find yourself thrilled when you see your partner’s response, and knowing that you are empowered to make positive changes in your outlook and in your relationship. My best to you in building intimacy through fun as you let down your guard.

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(527) "

Are you a guarded person? If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner. And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner. Why? Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It […]

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3863) "

Are you a guarded person?

If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner.

And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner.

Why?

Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It can turn you into a fun “assassin.” A killjoy.

In this blog, I want to show you how to let go, relax, and become less guarded so you can rebuild intimacy. Read on…

Being On Guard Has Negative Consequences for your Relationship

Do you ever feel as if you need to stay in self-protective mode to prevent being hurt?

This is a common underlying thought that people who are on guard tend to have. If you find yourself driven by the desire to protect yourself from hurt, no doubt you have been hurt before. You may have vowed to yourself, “never again.”

What happens, though, is that your worldview can change. Subconsciously, you are on the lookout for perceived attacks—and may read them where there are none.

For example, your partner makes a comment to you that you perceive as a negative attack. You counter-attack and next thing, you’re in a big blow-up. But what if they were simply making an observation, and not deliberately trying to hurt you?

For a person on guard, they don’t hit the pause button and take the time to analyze the situation—they shoot first and ask questions later.

So what’s the effect on a partner?

They can become fearful of saying the wrong thing, and they will begin to walk on eggshells. It can lead to distancing, and that means your feelings of intimacy with your partner are going to stagnate—if not suffocate.

And more than likely, it means you and your partner aren’t having any fun, because everything has been covered in a veil of suspicion.

No intimacy… no fun… what should you do?

These next two tips should help you out…

2 Tips for Letting that Guard Down

You know yourself pretty well, right? And you know if you feel a bit guarded, fearful that your partner may hurt you.

If you feel you’ve gotten into the habit of being on guard, it’s time to undo the habit. The easiest way to do that is with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Let Your Hair Down

It’s not so easy to tell someone, “Let your guard down” and then it just happens. There’s fear beneath the behavior. A person who holds fear often feels powerless.

An easier way to work into letting your guard down is to try something new with your partner, something that you’ll both enjoy. Keep an open mind that when you’re having fun, you should be pretty safe.

Tip #2: Plan a Positive Surprise

Think of something your partner loves to do and do it. Maybe take a day to explore something new or do an event that your partner will really enjoy. Do it even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in.

You may be surprised yourself, when you find yourself thrilled when you see your partner’s response, and knowing that you are empowered to make positive changes in your outlook and in your relationship. My best to you in building intimacy through fun as you let down your guard.

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582214252) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(35) "Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…)" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/whos-really-wrong-find-out/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:50:18 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(123) "Dating AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriagesex" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4302" ["description"]=> string(596) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong? And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong? There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to […]

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3867) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong?

And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong?

There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to agree on anything, their points of view can be wildly divergent, and they wonder if they’ve made a mistake getting together in the first place.

Is that you and your partner?

I’m going to explain to you today how to do a perspective swap, and three tips for how to do it. Obviously, the perspective you and your partner currently have isn’t working out too well for you. Keep reading…

Why Can’t My Partner Think Just Like Me?

Isn’t it intriguing to think back on your early days of dating and remember how you hung on each other’s every word… eager to learn more about how each other thought about life?

During those early days, you liked that about each other—that you each had your own perspective. It was exciting, wasn’t it?

Then, you got comfy with each other… and something changed: you started to look at these differences of opinion as a bad thing. Suddenly, where you once found your partner charming, you now think that your partner is simply… wrong.

And it is this perspective, that your partner is wrong, that can destroy your relationship.

If you are nodding your head here, that when you don’t agree, you simply dismiss your partner is in the wrong—it’s time for a perspective swap.

Here are 3 tips to help you change your perspective:

Tip #1: Recalibrate your Response

When your partner says something you don’t agree with, you will need to hit your internal pause button and say this to yourself: “Just because my partner doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t mean my partner is wrong.”

Not everyone in the world shares the exact same ideas, views and opinions as everyone else—including your partner. Think differently than one another doesn’t make either of you wrong. It simply means you have different opinions, and so you need to modulate your response to reflect that.

Tip #2: Accept Your Partner as an Individual

Remember that you once found your partner’s ideas and opinions exciting: they weren’t exactly yours, and maybe they made for some stimulating conversation.

You fell for your partner for the individual that they are. Do you really want a carbon copy of yourself? If not, then remind yourself that you value your partner as the unique creation, the one-of-a-kind individual that he or she is.

Tip #3: Remind Yourself How You Value Your Partner

You may get frustrated when you and your partner don’t agree, but don’t slam the door of your heart on them just because your views aren’t in 100% alignment. Remember that you value this person, and therefore their perspective on things. You may not always agree, but you’re both still valuable for what you bring to the relationship.

My best to you in changing your perspective so you can focus on building a loving relationship.

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(596) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong? And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong? There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to […]

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3867) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong?

And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong?

There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to agree on anything, their points of view can be wildly divergent, and they wonder if they’ve made a mistake getting together in the first place.

Is that you and your partner?

I’m going to explain to you today how to do a perspective swap, and three tips for how to do it. Obviously, the perspective you and your partner currently have isn’t working out too well for you. Keep reading…

Why Can’t My Partner Think Just Like Me?

Isn’t it intriguing to think back on your early days of dating and remember how you hung on each other’s every word… eager to learn more about how each other thought about life?

During those early days, you liked that about each other—that you each had your own perspective. It was exciting, wasn’t it?

Then, you got comfy with each other… and something changed: you started to look at these differences of opinion as a bad thing. Suddenly, where you once found your partner charming, you now think that your partner is simply… wrong.

And it is this perspective, that your partner is wrong, that can destroy your relationship.

If you are nodding your head here, that when you don’t agree, you simply dismiss your partner is in the wrong—it’s time for a perspective swap.

Here are 3 tips to help you change your perspective:

Tip #1: Recalibrate your Response

When your partner says something you don’t agree with, you will need to hit your internal pause button and say this to yourself: “Just because my partner doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t mean my partner is wrong.”

Not everyone in the world shares the exact same ideas, views and opinions as everyone else—including your partner. Think differently than one another doesn’t make either of you wrong. It simply means you have different opinions, and so you need to modulate your response to reflect that.

Tip #2: Accept Your Partner as an Individual

Remember that you once found your partner’s ideas and opinions exciting: they weren’t exactly yours, and maybe they made for some stimulating conversation.

You fell for your partner for the individual that they are. Do you really want a carbon copy of yourself? If not, then remind yourself that you value your partner as the unique creation, the one-of-a-kind individual that he or she is.

Tip #3: Remind Yourself How You Value Your Partner

You may get frustrated when you and your partner don’t agree, but don’t slam the door of your heart on them just because your views aren’t in 100% alignment. Remember that you value this person, and therefore their perspective on things. You may not always agree, but you’re both still valuable for what you bring to the relationship.

My best to you in changing your perspective so you can focus on building a loving relationship.

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213818) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(47) "Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/save-your-relationship-tried-and-true-advice/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:45:28 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(170) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationDivorceEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4299" ["description"]=> string(619) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner. Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know? If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason. […]

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3702) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner.

Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know?

If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason.

In this blog, I’ll tell you the reason your relationship could be in danger, and give you some tips to turn things around—using advice that has worked for thousands of people.  Read on…

Old Advice Stands Test of Time

It is said that people find other people to be interesting when they express interest in them.

Showing interest in others is one of the cornerstones of Dale Carnegie’s philosophy.  He discovered this truth ages ago… and it stands up to the test of time.  His whole concept of how to win friends was about showing an interest in them.

It sounds too easy, doesn’t it?

That may be why so many dismiss it… and never put this very effective wisdom into practice.  Human nature is to prefer talking about one’s self, so it goes against what many may find to be more natural to turn the spotlight outward.

So how does this apply to your relationship?

For starters, your partner is a person. So the principle should apply to them.  And, you are a person, so it will also apply to you.

For example, when someone asks you about yourself, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel some degree of pleasure in their taking an interest in you?

People want to feel seen, to feel as if they are important and worth getting to know.  Think about your partner.  Have you ever seen them at a party and watched as they talked to a new acquaintance?  Their eyes were alight and they were animated as they answered questions when asked about their likes, dislikes and opinions.

Or, have you watched your partner discuss one of their hobbies?  There’s a sparkle to them, right?

Here are 2 tips for seeing more of that sparkle…

Tip #1: Ask, Ask, and Ask Some More

If you haven’t asked your partner their opinion on something lately, try it.  You can start with a story you heard in the news.  Everyone has an opinion about the news, and they like to share it.

Hear your partner out.  Ask follow-up questions.  Listen, with your ears and your heart.

Tip #2: Bring Up What You’ve Recently Learned

To show your partner you have an interest in them, bring up something you’ve recently learned about them.  It can be a comment as simple as, “I saw a follow-up on that story we were talking about. The police chief said the same thing you did about that!”

This shows that you were paying attention and that you feel their opinion is important.

My best to you in showing your partner you’re interested in them.

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(619) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner. Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know? If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason. […]

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3702) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner.

Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know?

If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason.

In this blog, I’ll tell you the reason your relationship could be in danger, and give you some tips to turn things around—using advice that has worked for thousands of people.  Read on…

Old Advice Stands Test of Time

It is said that people find other people to be interesting when they express interest in them.

Showing interest in others is one of the cornerstones of Dale Carnegie’s philosophy.  He discovered this truth ages ago… and it stands up to the test of time.  His whole concept of how to win friends was about showing an interest in them.

It sounds too easy, doesn’t it?

That may be why so many dismiss it… and never put this very effective wisdom into practice.  Human nature is to prefer talking about one’s self, so it goes against what many may find to be more natural to turn the spotlight outward.

So how does this apply to your relationship?

For starters, your partner is a person. So the principle should apply to them.  And, you are a person, so it will also apply to you.

For example, when someone asks you about yourself, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel some degree of pleasure in their taking an interest in you?

People want to feel seen, to feel as if they are important and worth getting to know.  Think about your partner.  Have you ever seen them at a party and watched as they talked to a new acquaintance?  Their eyes were alight and they were animated as they answered questions when asked about their likes, dislikes and opinions.

Or, have you watched your partner discuss one of their hobbies?  There’s a sparkle to them, right?

Here are 2 tips for seeing more of that sparkle…

Tip #1: Ask, Ask, and Ask Some More

If you haven’t asked your partner their opinion on something lately, try it.  You can start with a story you heard in the news.  Everyone has an opinion about the news, and they like to share it.

Hear your partner out.  Ask follow-up questions.  Listen, with your ears and your heart.

Tip #2: Bring Up What You’ve Recently Learned

To show your partner you have an interest in them, bring up something you’ve recently learned about them.  It can be a comment as simple as, “I saw a follow-up on that story we were talking about. The police chief said the same thing you did about that!”

This shows that you were paying attention and that you feel their opinion is important.

My best to you in showing your partner you’re interested in them.

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213528) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(39) "Marriage Problems And Emotional Control" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/marriage-problems-and-emotional-control/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:39:35 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(118) "MarriagecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionshow to save your marriagemarriageSave Your MarriageSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4296" ["description"]=> string(674) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another. While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge […]

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5101) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another.

While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge between yourselves that kills intimacy.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore how emotions can have an impact on marriage, including its problems. Please keep reading to get 3 valuable tips…

Emotions Run Amok

There are some people who are uncomfortable with their emotions. If this describes you, maybe you grew up in a home where emotions were tightly kept, never openly displayed.

Or, maybe you’re just the opposite: very comfortable with expressing how you feel. Your upbringing may be characterized by people who actively engaged in heartfelt emotions that ran the gamut from love to intense anger. To you, it may be perfectly natural to shout when you want to express your frustrations, etc.

Marriage problems can occur in one of several ways:

1-    Both partners do not openly express their emotions.

2-    Only one partner expresses their emotions, the other is sealed shut.

3-    Both partners actively share their emotions.

The marriage problems begin when people become firmly entrenched in their method: one partner stays shut off while the other is angry all the time because he/she cannot get through to their partner. Or, both partners have actively shared their emotions—but they only know how to express themselves by yelling at one another.

Side Effects of Emotional Expression Forms

When emotions aren’t controlled properly, a side effect is the decay of intimacy. How can you feel close to someone who shouts when they’re angry, or never opens up?

And this loss of intimacy is keenly felt, which can lead to partners feeling a range of emotions that become difficult to let go of: indignation, self-pity, self-righteousness, intense anger, frustration—just to name a few.

It becomes more and more difficult to bridge the widening gap when emotions are not worked out and shared in a healthy manner.

The following 3 tips are to help you control emotional expression:

Tip 1: Make Regular Talk Time

One common marriage problem is that many couples get into a communication rut: they talk about mundane things such as household chores, but completely ignore the deeper talks they need as a couple to feel melded together.

Basically, you may have become lazy in your relationship, stuck in a pattern of shouting, silent treatments, or blatant disregard.

Schedule a regular time to talk, to explore what’s beneath the surface. Which leads me to the next tip…

Tip 2: Create a Safe Haven

Whether you have trouble expressing your feelings or no trouble whatsoever, ask yourself: have we created a safe space for both of us to express ourselves, free of contempt, defensiveness and anger?

Maybe your spouse won’t open up to you because he or she feels vulnerable due to your shouting when you’re angered by something. Or, you shout in order to feel you’re really being heard. It’s important that both you and your spouse feel that you can turn to one another and express your deepest emotions—and not be hurt by the other’s reaction, which leads to…

Tip 3: Set Ground Rules

If you and your spouse need to have a discussion in which you know it may become highly volatile, it’s best to have pre-established ground rules for these types of talks. It will be a habit to develop, to know when to step away. For example, if you feel yourself become more angry (giveaways include increased pulse rate, tension in your muscles), you would say, “I need to step away and cool down. I will let you know when I have myself within control again.”

This is not a method that should be abused, as a way to get out from under heavy discussions. Rather, it is a tool that is used as needed in order to keep those discussions on track, free of hostility and recriminations.

My best to you as you resolve your marriage problems and grow stronger together.

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(674) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another. While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge […]

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5101) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another.

While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge between yourselves that kills intimacy.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore how emotions can have an impact on marriage, including its problems. Please keep reading to get 3 valuable tips…

Emotions Run Amok

There are some people who are uncomfortable with their emotions. If this describes you, maybe you grew up in a home where emotions were tightly kept, never openly displayed.

Or, maybe you’re just the opposite: very comfortable with expressing how you feel. Your upbringing may be characterized by people who actively engaged in heartfelt emotions that ran the gamut from love to intense anger. To you, it may be perfectly natural to shout when you want to express your frustrations, etc.

Marriage problems can occur in one of several ways:

1-    Both partners do not openly express their emotions.

2-    Only one partner expresses their emotions, the other is sealed shut.

3-    Both partners actively share their emotions.

The marriage problems begin when people become firmly entrenched in their method: one partner stays shut off while the other is angry all the time because he/she cannot get through to their partner. Or, both partners have actively shared their emotions—but they only know how to express themselves by yelling at one another.

Side Effects of Emotional Expression Forms

When emotions aren’t controlled properly, a side effect is the decay of intimacy. How can you feel close to someone who shouts when they’re angry, or never opens up?

And this loss of intimacy is keenly felt, which can lead to partners feeling a range of emotions that become difficult to let go of: indignation, self-pity, self-righteousness, intense anger, frustration—just to name a few.

It becomes more and more difficult to bridge the widening gap when emotions are not worked out and shared in a healthy manner.

The following 3 tips are to help you control emotional expression:

Tip 1: Make Regular Talk Time

One common marriage problem is that many couples get into a communication rut: they talk about mundane things such as household chores, but completely ignore the deeper talks they need as a couple to feel melded together.

Basically, you may have become lazy in your relationship, stuck in a pattern of shouting, silent treatments, or blatant disregard.

Schedule a regular time to talk, to explore what’s beneath the surface. Which leads me to the next tip…

Tip 2: Create a Safe Haven

Whether you have trouble expressing your feelings or no trouble whatsoever, ask yourself: have we created a safe space for both of us to express ourselves, free of contempt, defensiveness and anger?

Maybe your spouse won’t open up to you because he or she feels vulnerable due to your shouting when you’re angered by something. Or, you shout in order to feel you’re really being heard. It’s important that both you and your spouse feel that you can turn to one another and express your deepest emotions—and not be hurt by the other’s reaction, which leads to…

Tip 3: Set Ground Rules

If you and your spouse need to have a discussion in which you know it may become highly volatile, it’s best to have pre-established ground rules for these types of talks. It will be a habit to develop, to know when to step away. For example, if you feel yourself become more angry (giveaways include increased pulse rate, tension in your muscles), you would say, “I need to step away and cool down. I will let you know when I have myself within control again.”

This is not a method that should be abused, as a way to get out from under heavy discussions. Rather, it is a tool that is used as needed in order to keep those discussions on track, free of hostility and recriminations.

My best to you as you resolve your marriage problems and grow stronger together.

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213175) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(41) "1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer" ["link"]=> string(80) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/1-weird-idea-to-draw-bored-partner-closer/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:34:36 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(163) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4293" ["description"]=> string(640) "

Is your partner bored with you? You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog. I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more… Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now) What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us? […]

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4852) "

Is your partner bored with you?

You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog.

I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more…

Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now)

What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us?

Where once he or she hung on your every word, wanted to spend time with you, and made you feel important to them, now it’s…

Ho hum. Blending in with the wallpaper.

There are a few signs that could indicate your partner has lost interest in you:

Now, let’s look at those from another angle. While these can indicate your partner has lost some of that early interest in you, it can also signal something else:

While that’s good on the one hand, on the other—maybe he or she is taking you for granted, and that has to stop.

Failed Bids for Attention

When you get that first inkling that your partner’s interest in you has begun to fade, you may panic. You want that attention back now… you don’t want to lose this person you love, right?

So maybe you lash out in fear, frustration and anger. You yell to get your partner’s attention. You get a response: your partner gets as heated as you. Now you have their attention, but it’s negative attention. And contrary to what you may think, negative attention is NOT better than no attention at all.

Or, you go to the other end of the spectrum: you curl up into yourself and give the silent treatment. This pushing away may serve to get your partner to give you chase—let them worry about losing you and your attention, right?

Both of these methods of trying to regain your partner’s attention may work in the very short term, but they are still failed bids for attention. That’s because they create a sort of panic reaction—and panic fades over time.

You need to go for a winning bid for attention.

The Weird Method of Getting—and Keeping—Your Partner’s Attention

If you want to regain your partner’s attention, and not have to resort to the screamfest or silent treatment methods, then you need to do this:

Pull away.

At first, you may think that looks suspiciously like the silent treatment, but here’s how it’s different…

You do it without attitude.

Let me explain. Sometimes, you can expend a lot of energy into trying to make a relationship work by giving it an overabundance of attention—and your partner may get used to you doing that and become a bit lazy in doing the same. They’re used to your getting overly passionate about it, by initiating an argument when things get dicey, maybe, or going into silent mode to show your hurt feelings. Bizarre as it sounds, this lets your partner know you still care and are invested.

Now, if you pull away a bit, you become a mystery to your partner. Maybe you sign up for a class, or meet up with your best friend for a drink on a Friday night instead of being available to your partner. Suddenly, your partner—who thought they knew everything there was to know about you—is second-guessing that notion. And, they are getting a taste of what it would be like without you.

The idea here is, they need to invest in the relationship and stop taking you for granted or think of you as “ho hum”, or they just may lose you.

Strangely, this method tends to draw people closer to you. Weird, but true.

My best to you in regaining your partner’s interest.

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(640) "

Is your partner bored with you? You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog. I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more… Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now) What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us? […]

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4852) "

Is your partner bored with you?

You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog.

I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more…

Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now)

What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us?

Where once he or she hung on your every word, wanted to spend time with you, and made you feel important to them, now it’s…

Ho hum. Blending in with the wallpaper.

There are a few signs that could indicate your partner has lost interest in you:

Now, let’s look at those from another angle. While these can indicate your partner has lost some of that early interest in you, it can also signal something else:

While that’s good on the one hand, on the other—maybe he or she is taking you for granted, and that has to stop.

Failed Bids for Attention

When you get that first inkling that your partner’s interest in you has begun to fade, you may panic. You want that attention back now… you don’t want to lose this person you love, right?

So maybe you lash out in fear, frustration and anger. You yell to get your partner’s attention. You get a response: your partner gets as heated as you. Now you have their attention, but it’s negative attention. And contrary to what you may think, negative attention is NOT better than no attention at all.

Or, you go to the other end of the spectrum: you curl up into yourself and give the silent treatment. This pushing away may serve to get your partner to give you chase—let them worry about losing you and your attention, right?

Both of these methods of trying to regain your partner’s attention may work in the very short term, but they are still failed bids for attention. That’s because they create a sort of panic reaction—and panic fades over time.

You need to go for a winning bid for attention.

The Weird Method of Getting—and Keeping—Your Partner’s Attention

If you want to regain your partner’s attention, and not have to resort to the screamfest or silent treatment methods, then you need to do this:

Pull away.

At first, you may think that looks suspiciously like the silent treatment, but here’s how it’s different…

You do it without attitude.

Let me explain. Sometimes, you can expend a lot of energy into trying to make a relationship work by giving it an overabundance of attention—and your partner may get used to you doing that and become a bit lazy in doing the same. They’re used to your getting overly passionate about it, by initiating an argument when things get dicey, maybe, or going into silent mode to show your hurt feelings. Bizarre as it sounds, this lets your partner know you still care and are invested.

Now, if you pull away a bit, you become a mystery to your partner. Maybe you sign up for a class, or meet up with your best friend for a drink on a Friday night instead of being available to your partner. Suddenly, your partner—who thought they knew everything there was to know about you—is second-guessing that notion. And, they are getting a taste of what it would be like without you.

The idea here is, they need to invest in the relationship and stop taking you for granted or think of you as “ho hum”, or they just may lose you.

Strangely, this method tends to draw people closer to you. Weird, but true.

My best to you in regaining your partner’s interest.

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582212876) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(35) "How He Really Feels Close to You…" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/how-he-really-feels-close-to-you/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:29:38 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(129) "Relationship AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriagesex" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4290" ["description"]=> string(576) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex. This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that. But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the […]

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4279) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex.

This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that.

But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the most destructive things you can do to your relationship—and most women have no idea.

I’m going to explain to you exactly why, and what you can do instead to ensure that you are bringing him closer to you rather than shoving him away with both hands. Please keep reading…

Relational Researchers Discover How Men Gauge their Relationship Happiness

Sometimes, your partner may seem to be off in his own world and not appreciating you as fully as he should, or he has been negligent in spending quality time with you.

Then, it seems when he’s in the mood for a little romper-rumble in the bedroom… he’s suddenly into you.

Women can use sex in one of two ways that are destructive:

It can be very tempting to make liberal use of this tactic for getting something you want if he has been dragging his feet, or to show your displeasure if he has done something wrong. Sex is something where men seem to pay attention, and so that’s why you think this is a fool-proof method for getting through to him.

But here’s what it really does: it cuts off the #1 way your man feels close and connected to you. In fact, sex is so important to him—relational researchers have found that a man who is sexually satisfied in his relationship is a top indicator that the relationship will last.

So if you cut him off at his knees here… he has a little voice inside of him saying, “I’m miserable in this relationship,” because he uses sex as a gauge for the health of the relationship. He thinks that when he’s having sex regularly, his relationship is healthy and he is therefore happy.

So the tactic of withholding sex? It’s an epic fail, and one you need to stop doing immediately—if there is no physical reason for you to not be having sex—if you want your relationship to last.

In addition to just stopping with the withholding, here is what you need to do instead:

Step #1: Be Conscious of Your Response

Withholding sex can become a habit, and as you’ve just learned—a habit that is very destructive to your relationship. You will need to be conscious of those times when you feel the urge to punish or use sex as an incentive.

Simply listen to your response when your man asks for sex. Or, what are you thinking when you are getting ready to give your response? “No way, not after how you acted when we were out last night…” is the type of thing you may be tempted to say. Think first before responding.

Step #2: Face Your Issue Head-on

If you are tempted to withhold sex because you’re upset about something, or you want him to do something, then go for what the issue is head on.

You could say, “Yes, let’s have sex, but I want us to agree that later on this evening, we have a talk about something that has been bothering me, which was your behavior last night. Let’s not let that ruin our moment now, agreed?”

This helps your man feel closer to you because he is able to engage in sex, but also lets him know he’s not off the hook for handling some other things going on in the relationship. As you can see, things are kept in their separate boxes: sex is sex, issues and problems are something else entirely.

My best to you in bringing your man closer to you.

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(576) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex. This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that. But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the […]

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4279) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex.

This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that.

But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the most destructive things you can do to your relationship—and most women have no idea.

I’m going to explain to you exactly why, and what you can do instead to ensure that you are bringing him closer to you rather than shoving him away with both hands. Please keep reading…

Relational Researchers Discover How Men Gauge their Relationship Happiness

Sometimes, your partner may seem to be off in his own world and not appreciating you as fully as he should, or he has been negligent in spending quality time with you.

Then, it seems when he’s in the mood for a little romper-rumble in the bedroom… he’s suddenly into you.

Women can use sex in one of two ways that are destructive:

It can be very tempting to make liberal use of this tactic for getting something you want if he has been dragging his feet, or to show your displeasure if he has done something wrong. Sex is something where men seem to pay attention, and so that’s why you think this is a fool-proof method for getting through to him.

But here’s what it really does: it cuts off the #1 way your man feels close and connected to you. In fact, sex is so important to him—relational researchers have found that a man who is sexually satisfied in his relationship is a top indicator that the relationship will last.

So if you cut him off at his knees here… he has a little voice inside of him saying, “I’m miserable in this relationship,” because he uses sex as a gauge for the health of the relationship. He thinks that when he’s having sex regularly, his relationship is healthy and he is therefore happy.

So the tactic of withholding sex? It’s an epic fail, and one you need to stop doing immediately—if there is no physical reason for you to not be having sex—if you want your relationship to last.

In addition to just stopping with the withholding, here is what you need to do instead:

Step #1: Be Conscious of Your Response

Withholding sex can become a habit, and as you’ve just learned—a habit that is very destructive to your relationship. You will need to be conscious of those times when you feel the urge to punish or use sex as an incentive.

Simply listen to your response when your man asks for sex. Or, what are you thinking when you are getting ready to give your response? “No way, not after how you acted when we were out last night…” is the type of thing you may be tempted to say. Think first before responding.

Step #2: Face Your Issue Head-on

If you are tempted to withhold sex because you’re upset about something, or you want him to do something, then go for what the issue is head on.

You could say, “Yes, let’s have sex, but I want us to agree that later on this evening, we have a talk about something that has been bothering me, which was your behavior last night. Let’s not let that ruin our moment now, agreed?”

This helps your man feel closer to you because he is able to engage in sex, but also lets him know he’s not off the hook for handling some other things going on in the relationship. As you can see, things are kept in their separate boxes: sex is sex, issues and problems are something else entirely.

My best to you in bringing your man closer to you.

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582212578) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(27) "Happy Couples NEVER Do This" ["link"]=> string(66) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/happy-couples-never-do-this/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:22:01 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(124) "Dating AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4287" ["description"]=> string(588) "

Are you miserable in your relationship? There is one code of conduct that all happy couples share: it’s one thing they DON’T ever do to each other. If you and your partner are doing it—that may explain why you’re currently miserable. In fact, you could be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of this one bad habit. […]

The post Happy Couples NEVER Do This appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4865) "

Are you miserable in your relationship?

There is one code of conduct that all happy couples share: it’s one thing they DON’T ever do to each other. If you and your partner are doing it—that may explain why you’re currently miserable.

In fact, you could be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of this one bad habit. It’s a childish game, and it’s not fun, nor does it promote unity.

Today, lets dig into what unhappy couples DO and what happy couples DON’T do and 2 tips to stop pushing each other away. Please read more…

Unhappy Couples Share 1 Trait in Common

If you and your partner are playing this game with each other, you need to make it stop before you destroy everything that is good between you.

What game am I talking about?

We’re not talking Scrabble here… it’s the blame game, and it’s one way to ruin a perfectly good relationship. Women especially tend to do it, and I’ll explain why in just a second. First, let’s look at men.

Guys do their share of playing the blame game, as well, but for different reasons: usually when they are caught doing something that’s questionable or could be otherwise construed as walking the fine line between right and wrong.

For women, they have a tendency to blame a man when they are upset in general—the man doesn’t have to do anything, but gets the blame anyway. A woman could have a bad day at work, not feel well or otherwise be in a bad mood, and when she gets home—BAM, her man is suddenly hearing how she’s sick and tired of how he scrapes his plate with his fork or never empties the garbage.

Her man sits there like he’s been hit with a stun gun, trying to figure out where that came from—they both just walked in the door… he hasn’t had dinner yet so what plate-scraping is she talking about?

If you’re a woman, do you do this? Think about it a moment… has there been a time in the past week or two where you felt upset at your man, and technically, he had done nothing wrong at that moment, but you knew he must somehow be responsible for your feeling bad now?

The reason women do this is because they think in terms of relationships, and if things aren’t going well, it has a spillover effect into their close relationships.

And if you’re a man reading this, the last time you were busted for doing something like looking at porn or staying out late with the guys and your woman said something to you… did you point the finger back at her and say she wasn’t doing enough of something, and that’s why you did x, y and z?

You can see how it’s an ugly game, and once it begins, it becomes an ugly habit that serves to do one thing: push each other away.

Happy couples don’t play this game, and there’s nothing in the rule book that says you have to keep playing it. Make it stop with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Next Time… Hit the Pause Button

The next time you feel yourself ready to blow up at your partner, hit the pause button.

This will take some practice to get used to doing, because if you’re in the habit of reacting first and then mulling it over after the fact, you will need to develop a conscious awareness of when you’re about to engage in the blame game with your partner.

Tip #2: Do a Reality Check

While that pause button is pressed down, ask yourself: whose issue is this? Did my partner do something to make me engage in questionable behavior, or to put me in a bad mood? Or, did I make the decision to do this behavior even though I know it’s wrong and I’m looking for a way to justify it, or I had a bad day at work and didn’t appropriately deal with the source of my anger.

By stopping yourself before the words of blame can get past your lips can help you analyze the situation in a rational manner and keep you from doing things to push away your partner.

Then, you can go play Scrabble—a much more fun game than the blame one.

My best to you in stopping the blame game.

The post Happy Couples NEVER Do This appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Are you miserable in your relationship? There is one code of conduct that all happy couples share: it’s one thing they DON’T ever do to each other. If you and your partner are doing it—that may explain why you’re currently miserable. In fact, you could be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of this one bad habit. […]

The post Happy Couples NEVER Do This appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Are you miserable in your relationship?

There is one code of conduct that all happy couples share: it’s one thing they DON’T ever do to each other. If you and your partner are doing it—that may explain why you’re currently miserable.

In fact, you could be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of this one bad habit. It’s a childish game, and it’s not fun, nor does it promote unity.

Today, lets dig into what unhappy couples DO and what happy couples DON’T do and 2 tips to stop pushing each other away. Please read more…

Unhappy Couples Share 1 Trait in Common

If you and your partner are playing this game with each other, you need to make it stop before you destroy everything that is good between you.

What game am I talking about?

We’re not talking Scrabble here… it’s the blame game, and it’s one way to ruin a perfectly good relationship. Women especially tend to do it, and I’ll explain why in just a second. First, let’s look at men.

Guys do their share of playing the blame game, as well, but for different reasons: usually when they are caught doing something that’s questionable or could be otherwise construed as walking the fine line between right and wrong.

For women, they have a tendency to blame a man when they are upset in general—the man doesn’t have to do anything, but gets the blame anyway. A woman could have a bad day at work, not feel well or otherwise be in a bad mood, and when she gets home—BAM, her man is suddenly hearing how she’s sick and tired of how he scrapes his plate with his fork or never empties the garbage.

Her man sits there like he’s been hit with a stun gun, trying to figure out where that came from—they both just walked in the door… he hasn’t had dinner yet so what plate-scraping is she talking about?

If you’re a woman, do you do this? Think about it a moment… has there been a time in the past week or two where you felt upset at your man, and technically, he had done nothing wrong at that moment, but you knew he must somehow be responsible for your feeling bad now?

The reason women do this is because they think in terms of relationships, and if things aren’t going well, it has a spillover effect into their close relationships.

And if you’re a man reading this, the last time you were busted for doing something like looking at porn or staying out late with the guys and your woman said something to you… did you point the finger back at her and say she wasn’t doing enough of something, and that’s why you did x, y and z?

You can see how it’s an ugly game, and once it begins, it becomes an ugly habit that serves to do one thing: push each other away.

Happy couples don’t play this game, and there’s nothing in the rule book that says you have to keep playing it. Make it stop with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Next Time… Hit the Pause Button

The next time you feel yourself ready to blow up at your partner, hit the pause button.

This will take some practice to get used to doing, because if you’re in the habit of reacting first and then mulling it over after the fact, you will need to develop a conscious awareness of when you’re about to engage in the blame game with your partner.

Tip #2: Do a Reality Check

While that pause button is pressed down, ask yourself: whose issue is this? Did my partner do something to make me engage in questionable behavior, or to put me in a bad mood? Or, did I make the decision to do this behavior even though I know it’s wrong and I’m looking for a way to justify it, or I had a bad day at work and didn’t appropriately deal with the source of my anger.

By stopping yourself before the words of blame can get past your lips can help you analyze the situation in a rational manner and keep you from doing things to push away your partner.

Then, you can go play Scrabble—a much more fun game than the blame one.

My best to you in stopping the blame game.

The post Happy Couples NEVER Do This appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582212121) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(28) "2 Ways Couples Kill Intimacy" ["link"]=> string(67) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/2-ways-couples-kill-intimacy/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:17:22 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(173) "Relationship AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveINTIMACYRebuild the TrustRebuilding RomanceSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4283" ["description"]=> string(584) "

Are you looking to kill the intimacy in your relationship? You’re probably thinking Stephanie has completely lost her marbles… well, before you cast your vote to send me off to the loony bin, hear me out. We’ve uncovered a few sure-fire ways couples kill intimacy without ever knowing it. Not exactly what you had in mind […]

The post 2 Ways Couples Kill Intimacy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4564) "

Are you looking to kill the intimacy in your relationship?

You’re probably thinking Stephanie has completely lost her marbles… well, before you cast your vote to send me off to the loony bin, hear me out.

We’ve uncovered a few sure-fire ways couples kill intimacy without ever knowing it.

Not exactly what you had in mind doing when you both got involved, is it?

Every day, there are couples out there obliterating the intimacy between them. The way they do it isn’t obvious, and it’s not on purpose but it still results in a bloody mess.

Today, I want to tell you about two of the worst habits you can allow to ever take hold in your relationship, why they kill intimacy, and tips for ensuring these habits are banished. Read on…

The Killer Relationship Habits

When we say “killer relationship habits,” we don’t mean it in the modern lingo that implies a good thing. (How “kill” ever became a good thing is a mystery.)

Killer habits are those that kill, or you could use “annihilate” or “obliterate” to achieve the same meaning. Regardless of the word you use, understand this: it’s not a good thing—especially when connected to your relationship.

These habits are insidious: they manage to sneak in when no one is looking. Or, maybe you have a vague awareness that they have shown up, but you do nothing to push them back out the door. The reason they get in your relationship realm in the first place is because people get comfortable and stop making the effort.

And as we have all heard, relationships take effort. That means daily effort, and sometimes even hourly effort.

Let’s take a look at these two killer relationship habits.

Habit 1: Clinginess

There is a fine line between wanting to be close to your partner and sharing a deep emotional connection, and being clingy. Sometimes, the recipient of those efforts may perceive them as clingy, when all you’re trying to do is spend more time together.

Often, couples find themselves mismatched on the emotional connection spectrum. Some people need to feel very tight with their partner, and for someone who isn’t driven as strongly by that need will push the perceived clingy person away from them. But what happens? The person wanting the close connection pushes harder to get closer, thinking that they are actually fixing the relationship because they don’t understand what’s wrong.

Back and forth, it’s a tug of war.

Remedy: If you are pushing to get closer to your partner, stop. This doesn’t mean you aren’t making an effort in your relationship to be respectful and loving. But if you feel resistance, draw back. What tends to happen is the person who feels you were trying to cling to them is actually drawn to you. It doesn’t mean that as soon as they do, you pull on them again. Just let them set the pace for a while, and you will get the intimacy you crave.

Habit 2: Drifting

Drifting is when neither of you is at the helm of your relationship and things just kind of… glide along, over here… over there… Each of you is basically starting to live a separate life, and intimacy has more or less been set on the backburner.

Often, you’ll hear couples who are in crisis even say, “We just drifted apart.” The reason people drift apart is because they sit back and let it happen. A relationship takes effort and attention from both partners. To keep the fire burning, you need oxygen.

Remedy: If you know your relationship is beginning to drift, and there’s a gap beginning to grow between you, close the gap by putting some fun activities on your calendar. These are opportunities to bond through shared experiences, all of which serves to pull you close as a couple once again.

My best to you in removing the bane of killer relationship habits.

The post 2 Ways Couples Kill Intimacy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(584) "

Are you looking to kill the intimacy in your relationship? You’re probably thinking Stephanie has completely lost her marbles… well, before you cast your vote to send me off to the loony bin, hear me out. We’ve uncovered a few sure-fire ways couples kill intimacy without ever knowing it. Not exactly what you had in mind […]

The post 2 Ways Couples Kill Intimacy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4564) "

Are you looking to kill the intimacy in your relationship?

You’re probably thinking Stephanie has completely lost her marbles… well, before you cast your vote to send me off to the loony bin, hear me out.

We’ve uncovered a few sure-fire ways couples kill intimacy without ever knowing it.

Not exactly what you had in mind doing when you both got involved, is it?

Every day, there are couples out there obliterating the intimacy between them. The way they do it isn’t obvious, and it’s not on purpose but it still results in a bloody mess.

Today, I want to tell you about two of the worst habits you can allow to ever take hold in your relationship, why they kill intimacy, and tips for ensuring these habits are banished. Read on…

The Killer Relationship Habits

When we say “killer relationship habits,” we don’t mean it in the modern lingo that implies a good thing. (How “kill” ever became a good thing is a mystery.)

Killer habits are those that kill, or you could use “annihilate” or “obliterate” to achieve the same meaning. Regardless of the word you use, understand this: it’s not a good thing—especially when connected to your relationship.

These habits are insidious: they manage to sneak in when no one is looking. Or, maybe you have a vague awareness that they have shown up, but you do nothing to push them back out the door. The reason they get in your relationship realm in the first place is because people get comfortable and stop making the effort.

And as we have all heard, relationships take effort. That means daily effort, and sometimes even hourly effort.

Let’s take a look at these two killer relationship habits.

Habit 1: Clinginess

There is a fine line between wanting to be close to your partner and sharing a deep emotional connection, and being clingy. Sometimes, the recipient of those efforts may perceive them as clingy, when all you’re trying to do is spend more time together.

Often, couples find themselves mismatched on the emotional connection spectrum. Some people need to feel very tight with their partner, and for someone who isn’t driven as strongly by that need will push the perceived clingy person away from them. But what happens? The person wanting the close connection pushes harder to get closer, thinking that they are actually fixing the relationship because they don’t understand what’s wrong.

Back and forth, it’s a tug of war.

Remedy: If you are pushing to get closer to your partner, stop. This doesn’t mean you aren’t making an effort in your relationship to be respectful and loving. But if you feel resistance, draw back. What tends to happen is the person who feels you were trying to cling to them is actually drawn to you. It doesn’t mean that as soon as they do, you pull on them again. Just let them set the pace for a while, and you will get the intimacy you crave.

Habit 2: Drifting

Drifting is when neither of you is at the helm of your relationship and things just kind of… glide along, over here… over there… Each of you is basically starting to live a separate life, and intimacy has more or less been set on the backburner.

Often, you’ll hear couples who are in crisis even say, “We just drifted apart.” The reason people drift apart is because they sit back and let it happen. A relationship takes effort and attention from both partners. To keep the fire burning, you need oxygen.

Remedy: If you know your relationship is beginning to drift, and there’s a gap beginning to grow between you, close the gap by putting some fun activities on your calendar. These are opportunities to bond through shared experiences, all of which serves to pull you close as a couple once again.

My best to you in removing the bane of killer relationship habits.

The post 2 Ways Couples Kill Intimacy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582211842) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(40) "These 3 Relationship Wreckers are Deadly" ["link"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/these-3-relationship-wreckers-are-deadly/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:00:55 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(157) "Relationship AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuild the TrustSave Your MarriageSurviving an AffairUncategorized" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4280" ["description"]=> string(615) "

Many couples don’t understand where things go wrong in their relationship. They know things started out great, but then at some point, the relationship turned a dark corner. Today you’re going to learn how to go sleuthing for some relationship wreckers that may be present in your relationship which led to that turning point. And, […]

The post These 3 Relationship Wreckers are Deadly appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5821) "

Many couples don’t understand where things go wrong in their relationship. They know things started out great, but then at some point, the relationship turned a dark corner.

Today you’re going to learn how to go sleuthing for some relationship wreckers that may be present in your relationship which led to that turning point.

And, you’re going to find out how they stealthily entered your relationship without your consciously realizing it. Once you know what they are, you can work on reversing the damage and avoiding them in the future.

To learn what the 3 deadly relationship wreckers are… keep reading…

First Came Love, then Came Disaster…

When your relationship first began, you had high hopes that you had found “the one” and you would no longer have to search and search. You reveled in those feelings, and you were fascinated by your partner.

Then, things became comfortable between you. You both relaxed into the relationship, comfortable enough to wear your old sweats and not shower first thing in the morning.

But then, things between you turned a little sour. You hit some rough patches, with little disagreements and certain “tones of voice” and facial expressions that made you feel separated from each other.

At this point, most couples can’t help but question, “Where did it all go wrong?”

Realistically, a relationship can’t sustain a constant state of bliss. When two people come together, there is bound to be conflict and tension. These are usually resolved and you move forward.

But for some relationships, the tension and conflict becomes near-constant. Instead of bliss, the couple is in hell—and they don’t know where to point the finger of blame other than at each other.

This just serves to drive them further apart.

What these couples are not aware of is the presence of relationship wreckers that have infiltrated their relationship and are working against them. Or, if they are aware, they don’t realize how much impact these wreckers can have—until it’s too late.

3 Relationship Wreckers to Watch Out For 

There are a range of relationship wreckers, but here I’ll give you three. Read the description and listen to yourself in conversation with your partner over the next couple of days. Are any of these present?

The first step in getting rid of a relationship wrecker is being aware that it is present. Here are the three for you to watch for?

Relationship Wrecker 1: Pick, Pick, Pick

We’ve all encountered a nitpicker before: they pick at every little thing you do, holding you up to a standard that exists in their mind and if you don’t do things the way they would—you’re somehow wrong.

A nitpicker seems to always be on the watch to catch someone doing something in a way they deem “not the right way,” and then they criticize the other person:

“Why are you doing it like that?”

“Why didn’t you go there first, before you stopped at the store?”

“Why are you driving in the middle lane?”

It’s tiresome for anyone who is being nitpicked because they constantly feel like they’re on the stand before judge and jury, having to defend why they are doing something or how they do it.

To stop this behavior that wrecks relationships, tell yourself “my partner has their way of doing things, and I have mine. We are both individuals with unique thinking.”

Relationship Wrecker 2: Dripping with This

Do you think you’re smarter than your partner?

Does your partner give you the impression he or she thinks they’re smarter than you?

A person who is condescending gives this impression, both verbally and through their body language. They talk to you and look at you as if you aren’t at the same level as them, and their words can drip with sarcasm.

“Who thinks like that?”

“You don’t actually believe something that trivial, do you?”

A condescending attitude makes the recipient feel “less than,” and a relationship can’t survive with one partner always feeling as if they don’t measure up. To stop this wrecker, think of your words and body language at all times: are they indicating respect, or condescension?

Relationship Wrecker 3: Retreat into the Mind Cave

Some people have a tendency to handle the rougher parts of their world by clamming up. They retreat inside their mind cave and won’t come out and discuss the tough issues with their partner.

To know if you’re engaging in this relationship wrecker, think of your partner’s response to you: do they often ask you to please talk to them, or to share what you’re thinking? If a topic is uncomfortable, do you confront it, or hurry to change the subject?

To stop this relationship wrecker, understand that conflict is okay, and that communicating breathes life into your relationship, where clamming up shuts off its oxygen.

My best to you in ridding your relationship of these wreckers.

The post These 3 Relationship Wreckers are Deadly appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(615) "

Many couples don’t understand where things go wrong in their relationship. They know things started out great, but then at some point, the relationship turned a dark corner. Today you’re going to learn how to go sleuthing for some relationship wreckers that may be present in your relationship which led to that turning point. And, […]

The post These 3 Relationship Wreckers are Deadly appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5821) "

Many couples don’t understand where things go wrong in their relationship. They know things started out great, but then at some point, the relationship turned a dark corner.

Today you’re going to learn how to go sleuthing for some relationship wreckers that may be present in your relationship which led to that turning point.

And, you’re going to find out how they stealthily entered your relationship without your consciously realizing it. Once you know what they are, you can work on reversing the damage and avoiding them in the future.

To learn what the 3 deadly relationship wreckers are… keep reading…

First Came Love, then Came Disaster…

When your relationship first began, you had high hopes that you had found “the one” and you would no longer have to search and search. You reveled in those feelings, and you were fascinated by your partner.

Then, things became comfortable between you. You both relaxed into the relationship, comfortable enough to wear your old sweats and not shower first thing in the morning.

But then, things between you turned a little sour. You hit some rough patches, with little disagreements and certain “tones of voice” and facial expressions that made you feel separated from each other.

At this point, most couples can’t help but question, “Where did it all go wrong?”

Realistically, a relationship can’t sustain a constant state of bliss. When two people come together, there is bound to be conflict and tension. These are usually resolved and you move forward.

But for some relationships, the tension and conflict becomes near-constant. Instead of bliss, the couple is in hell—and they don’t know where to point the finger of blame other than at each other.

This just serves to drive them further apart.

What these couples are not aware of is the presence of relationship wreckers that have infiltrated their relationship and are working against them. Or, if they are aware, they don’t realize how much impact these wreckers can have—until it’s too late.

3 Relationship Wreckers to Watch Out For 

There are a range of relationship wreckers, but here I’ll give you three. Read the description and listen to yourself in conversation with your partner over the next couple of days. Are any of these present?

The first step in getting rid of a relationship wrecker is being aware that it is present. Here are the three for you to watch for?

Relationship Wrecker 1: Pick, Pick, Pick

We’ve all encountered a nitpicker before: they pick at every little thing you do, holding you up to a standard that exists in their mind and if you don’t do things the way they would—you’re somehow wrong.

A nitpicker seems to always be on the watch to catch someone doing something in a way they deem “not the right way,” and then they criticize the other person:

“Why are you doing it like that?”

“Why didn’t you go there first, before you stopped at the store?”

“Why are you driving in the middle lane?”

It’s tiresome for anyone who is being nitpicked because they constantly feel like they’re on the stand before judge and jury, having to defend why they are doing something or how they do it.

To stop this behavior that wrecks relationships, tell yourself “my partner has their way of doing things, and I have mine. We are both individuals with unique thinking.”

Relationship Wrecker 2: Dripping with This

Do you think you’re smarter than your partner?

Does your partner give you the impression he or she thinks they’re smarter than you?

A person who is condescending gives this impression, both verbally and through their body language. They talk to you and look at you as if you aren’t at the same level as them, and their words can drip with sarcasm.

“Who thinks like that?”

“You don’t actually believe something that trivial, do you?”

A condescending attitude makes the recipient feel “less than,” and a relationship can’t survive with one partner always feeling as if they don’t measure up. To stop this wrecker, think of your words and body language at all times: are they indicating respect, or condescension?

Relationship Wrecker 3: Retreat into the Mind Cave

Some people have a tendency to handle the rougher parts of their world by clamming up. They retreat inside their mind cave and won’t come out and discuss the tough issues with their partner.

To know if you’re engaging in this relationship wrecker, think of your partner’s response to you: do they often ask you to please talk to them, or to share what you’re thinking? If a topic is uncomfortable, do you confront it, or hurry to change the subject?

To stop this relationship wrecker, understand that conflict is okay, and that communicating breathes life into your relationship, where clamming up shuts off its oxygen.

My best to you in ridding your relationship of these wreckers.

The post These 3 Relationship Wreckers are Deadly appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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