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      ["title"]=>
      string(32) "Can a Relationship Be Rekindled?"
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      string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/20/can-a-relationship-be-rekindled/"
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      string(31) "Wed, 20 Nov 2019 14:19:49 +0000"
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        string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann"
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Can a relationship that has withered and wilted be revitalized? Can that “spark” be rekindled? Yes! Absolutely! No question! I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again. Even if you think it is impossible, I know it can happen. There is only one requirement…. you have to want it. Really want it. As […]

The post Can a Relationship Be Rekindled? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(2271) "

Can a relationship that has withered and wilted be revitalized?

Can that “spark” be rekindled?

Yes! Absolutely! No question!

I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again. Even if you think it is impossible, I know it can happen.

There is only one requirement…. you have to want it. Really want it. As a couple, you have to want it enough to do the work to make the relationship vital once again. You have to want it enough to bring your best self to the relationship and to make the changes that are required for a healthy relationship filled with that “spark.”

So, how does one do this?

You nurture the relationship.
 You nourish it with kindness, care, tenderness, understanding, patience, acceptance, and love.

For a relationship to have lost the “spark”, it means it has not been attended to. It means the relationship has been ignored or even lost; it has become boring, routine, or even uncomfortable.

Physical intimacy and sexual desire are often a reflection of the dynamics within the relationship. They are the barometer to measure how strong is the relationship. When a couple does not feel emotionally connected or close, the desire for intimacy is often rare at best, non-existent at worst.

Women particularly, often need to feel cherished, loved, and adored to feel sexual desire for their partner. When these are missing, sex for some women may become less than satisfying or even quite difficult.

In addition, when people are busy, stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, tired, overworked, unappreciated, bored, or unhappy, sexual intimacy often diminishes or completely vanishes.

What is most often true is that the closer and more emotionally connected, and the stronger and more healthy the relationship, the brighter the spark. In unhealthy relationships the spark diminishes. As it grows and develops the spark brightens.

The post Can a Relationship Be Rekindled? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(591) "

Can a relationship that has withered and wilted be revitalized? Can that “spark” be rekindled? Yes! Absolutely! No question! I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again. Even if you think it is impossible, I know it can happen. There is only one requirement…. you have to want it. Really want it. As […]

The post Can a Relationship Be Rekindled? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(2271) "

Can a relationship that has withered and wilted be revitalized?

Can that “spark” be rekindled?

Yes! Absolutely! No question!

I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again. Even if you think it is impossible, I know it can happen.

There is only one requirement…. you have to want it. Really want it. As a couple, you have to want it enough to do the work to make the relationship vital once again. You have to want it enough to bring your best self to the relationship and to make the changes that are required for a healthy relationship filled with that “spark.”

So, how does one do this?

You nurture the relationship.
 You nourish it with kindness, care, tenderness, understanding, patience, acceptance, and love.

For a relationship to have lost the “spark”, it means it has not been attended to. It means the relationship has been ignored or even lost; it has become boring, routine, or even uncomfortable.

Physical intimacy and sexual desire are often a reflection of the dynamics within the relationship. They are the barometer to measure how strong is the relationship. When a couple does not feel emotionally connected or close, the desire for intimacy is often rare at best, non-existent at worst.

Women particularly, often need to feel cherished, loved, and adored to feel sexual desire for their partner. When these are missing, sex for some women may become less than satisfying or even quite difficult.

In addition, when people are busy, stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, tired, overworked, unappreciated, bored, or unhappy, sexual intimacy often diminishes or completely vanishes.

What is most often true is that the closer and more emotionally connected, and the stronger and more healthy the relationship, the brighter the spark. In unhealthy relationships the spark diminishes. As it grows and develops the spark brightens.

The post Can a Relationship Be Rekindled? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574259589) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(36) "Under Rated Places To Meet Black Men" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/19/under-rated-places-to-meet-black-men-in-2019/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 19 Nov 2019 15:31:54 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(50) "Dating AdvicedatingInterracial Datingrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3616" ["description"]=> string(568) "

Women always ask me where they should go to meet black men.  It varies and depends on the type of man you’re trying to attract.  It also depends on where you live.  Every area is different. I’ve come up with a list of the Under Rated Places to Meet Black Men.  This could apply to […]

The post Under Rated Places To Meet Black Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4483) "

Women always ask me where they should go to meet black men.  It varies and depends on the type of man you’re trying to attract.  It also depends on where you live.  Every area is different. I’ve come up with a list of the Under Rated Places to Meet Black Men.  This could apply to any man, but this spin fits our blog.

Church.

After talking to several women, they say church is the way to go.  I’ve never gone to church with the goal to meet women, but I know that there are plenty of single women there.  Depending on the church, you can get involved with a singles group.  Most singles groups will have some type of social outings and potentially you can meet your next date.

Comedy Clubs.

This is a great place to meet men.   You can pick and choose your own brand of humor.  If there is going to be a black comedian, DL Hugley, Bill Bellamy, Kat Williams, Bruce Bruce, Guy Torry, Dave Chappelle to name a few, you will find black men having a good time. They normally serve alcoholic drinks which will make it a relaxed atmosphere to socialize. Just like you are there with your girl friends, they will be there with a couple guy friends also.

Sports Bars.

I know people have talked about this before.  I still say this is one of the best places to meet men at.  Black men are loyal sports fans.  We mainly watch Football and Basketball.  It doesn’t really matter if it’s college or professional.  There are some that will watch all the other sports also.  A woman go can go into a sports bar and watch the game at the bar.  Someone will talk to you and/or buy you a drink before you leave.  One sporting event you might want to mark on your calendar is UFC.  Yes, UFC!  Mixed martial arts events are becoming a major sporting event at many sports bars.  Single guys will be there.  I guarantee there will be some black men cheering too.

Driving Range.

I’m not referring to driving your car, I’m talking about golf!  The one reason why I put this higher on the list than the sports bar is because there’s not many women there.  I promise you there is 1 woman for every 50 men.  At least 40% of the men there are single.  They aren’t married.  They don’t have a girlfriend.  Recently, I watched a friend go to the driving range on a Saturday afternoon.  Within 5 minutes, there was someone there talking to her and offering her tips.  If you pick a good location, you will find black men and you will have great results.

The Gym.

The gym is a great place to meet someone.  Lots of black men are athletic and enjoy working out. Exercise will give you 30 – 60 minutes of visibility with some of the most athletic men.   If he has a great physique, he has to work out to keep it.  I know plenty of single women that go to the gym just to look at the men.  Sooner or later he will speak to you.  The best part is, you’ll remain in great shape while you are waiting.  The gym is a home away from home sometimes.

Sporting Events.

I put this as my top pick.  I can go to a Mavs game or a Cowboys game with my friends.  I don’t need to take a date.  Every time I’m there, I meet at least 4 or 5 women.  Its a fun atmosphere, it’s relaxed, and your friends can go with you.  It doesn’t really matter what major city in the US, there’s a NFL or NBA team.  The teams are mostly black.  So it seems to reason their friends, family and fans will be too.  Normally, I go out to eat after the game with new friends.  It’s a great way to celebrate a team victory.

The post Under Rated Places To Meet Black Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(568) "

Women always ask me where they should go to meet black men.  It varies and depends on the type of man you’re trying to attract.  It also depends on where you live.  Every area is different. I’ve come up with a list of the Under Rated Places to Meet Black Men.  This could apply to […]

The post Under Rated Places To Meet Black Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4483) "

Women always ask me where they should go to meet black men.  It varies and depends on the type of man you’re trying to attract.  It also depends on where you live.  Every area is different. I’ve come up with a list of the Under Rated Places to Meet Black Men.  This could apply to any man, but this spin fits our blog.

Church.

After talking to several women, they say church is the way to go.  I’ve never gone to church with the goal to meet women, but I know that there are plenty of single women there.  Depending on the church, you can get involved with a singles group.  Most singles groups will have some type of social outings and potentially you can meet your next date.

Comedy Clubs.

This is a great place to meet men.   You can pick and choose your own brand of humor.  If there is going to be a black comedian, DL Hugley, Bill Bellamy, Kat Williams, Bruce Bruce, Guy Torry, Dave Chappelle to name a few, you will find black men having a good time. They normally serve alcoholic drinks which will make it a relaxed atmosphere to socialize. Just like you are there with your girl friends, they will be there with a couple guy friends also.

Sports Bars.

I know people have talked about this before.  I still say this is one of the best places to meet men at.  Black men are loyal sports fans.  We mainly watch Football and Basketball.  It doesn’t really matter if it’s college or professional.  There are some that will watch all the other sports also.  A woman go can go into a sports bar and watch the game at the bar.  Someone will talk to you and/or buy you a drink before you leave.  One sporting event you might want to mark on your calendar is UFC.  Yes, UFC!  Mixed martial arts events are becoming a major sporting event at many sports bars.  Single guys will be there.  I guarantee there will be some black men cheering too.

Driving Range.

I’m not referring to driving your car, I’m talking about golf!  The one reason why I put this higher on the list than the sports bar is because there’s not many women there.  I promise you there is 1 woman for every 50 men.  At least 40% of the men there are single.  They aren’t married.  They don’t have a girlfriend.  Recently, I watched a friend go to the driving range on a Saturday afternoon.  Within 5 minutes, there was someone there talking to her and offering her tips.  If you pick a good location, you will find black men and you will have great results.

The Gym.

The gym is a great place to meet someone.  Lots of black men are athletic and enjoy working out. Exercise will give you 30 – 60 minutes of visibility with some of the most athletic men.   If he has a great physique, he has to work out to keep it.  I know plenty of single women that go to the gym just to look at the men.  Sooner or later he will speak to you.  The best part is, you’ll remain in great shape while you are waiting.  The gym is a home away from home sometimes.

Sporting Events.

I put this as my top pick.  I can go to a Mavs game or a Cowboys game with my friends.  I don’t need to take a date.  Every time I’m there, I meet at least 4 or 5 women.  Its a fun atmosphere, it’s relaxed, and your friends can go with you.  It doesn’t really matter what major city in the US, there’s a NFL or NBA team.  The teams are mostly black.  So it seems to reason their friends, family and fans will be too.  Normally, I go out to eat after the game with new friends.  It’s a great way to celebrate a team victory.

The post Under Rated Places To Meet Black Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574177514) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(64) "“The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends" ["link"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/the-best-years-of-your-life-no-matter-how-the-journey-ends/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 19:22:30 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(44) "Relationship Advicelifelifetipsrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3608" ["description"]=> string(613) "

“I gave him/her the best years of my life!”, we often have heard this statement or something similar to it when a long term relationship ends. Often times one or both people in a breakup will look back and say, “Look at all the time I wasted with him/her” or “Look at how much love […]

The post “The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3909) "

“I gave him/her the best years of my life!”, we often have heard this statement or something similar to it when a long term relationship ends. Often times one or both people in a breakup will look back and say, “Look at all the time I wasted with him/her” or “Look at how much love I wasted on that person”. People in a break-up are inclined to say things like this because they are hurt, they have reached an end to something they believed would last forever and they are hurt because this is not what they envisioned the end of this stage of their journey to look or feel like. When we are in this state of reaching an end point in one of our journeys, in this case a relationship, we are apt to look back and discount the entire journey as wasted time because it did not turn our the way we had envisioned, that is, the prize at the end of the journey was not what we expected.

What we often fail to see as we look in the rearview mirror with bitterness is that we did have joy, love and learned lessons along our journey together, that no time was wasted, that we are who we are today because of our journey.

Yes, the journey did not end as we had planned, it didn’t last till death do us part, it didn’t last until we were sitting in our respective rocking chairs watching the sun set on our respective life’s together, however it doesn’t mean that our time or love was wasted.

I am reminded of the Griswold’s family vacation from National Lampoons Family Vacation. In this classic movie, the Griswold’s embark on their annual vacation, destination Wally World, an amusement park where families have fun together. The trip to Wally World takes a few days and along the trip the Griswold family has a number of mishaps as well as some fun times and close moments with each other. The kicker is that the trip to Wally World becomes quite the journey and adventure and when they arrive at the gates of the famed Wally World, they discover that it has been closed for renovations.  The movie, their journey, was never about Wally World, it was about all of the lessons they learned along the journey. They same is true in the journeys of our life, we may have our sights set on a goal and we work towards achieving that goal to only discover in the end that something has changed and what we perceived as  the end goal is not what it turns out to be. Do we simply discount all the things that we learned and experienced on our way to achieving that goal, No! Hell no! We do just the opposite, we take stock of our journey and all that has gone before and we forge ahead wiser then before with a knowing in our heart that neither time nor love was ever wasted or lost.

Embrace and love your journey, even when that journey does not lead you to what you thought it would. There are reasons for everything, for every curve in the road, for every climb up the hill and for every moment spent in the deep dark valleys of life.

Remember when there are two or more people involved, the only one you can control is yourself and therefore you never know what the last word on the last page will be. Even if there was a way for you to know, would you really want to know? What fun would that be! Create your world, however remember you cannot be the creator of someone else’s world, for they must do that for themselves.

Remember in our journey, the greatest prize does not await us at the end, the greatest prize is and always will be the journey it self!

The post “The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(613) "

“I gave him/her the best years of my life!”, we often have heard this statement or something similar to it when a long term relationship ends. Often times one or both people in a breakup will look back and say, “Look at all the time I wasted with him/her” or “Look at how much love […]

The post “The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3909) "

“I gave him/her the best years of my life!”, we often have heard this statement or something similar to it when a long term relationship ends. Often times one or both people in a breakup will look back and say, “Look at all the time I wasted with him/her” or “Look at how much love I wasted on that person”. People in a break-up are inclined to say things like this because they are hurt, they have reached an end to something they believed would last forever and they are hurt because this is not what they envisioned the end of this stage of their journey to look or feel like. When we are in this state of reaching an end point in one of our journeys, in this case a relationship, we are apt to look back and discount the entire journey as wasted time because it did not turn our the way we had envisioned, that is, the prize at the end of the journey was not what we expected.

What we often fail to see as we look in the rearview mirror with bitterness is that we did have joy, love and learned lessons along our journey together, that no time was wasted, that we are who we are today because of our journey.

Yes, the journey did not end as we had planned, it didn’t last till death do us part, it didn’t last until we were sitting in our respective rocking chairs watching the sun set on our respective life’s together, however it doesn’t mean that our time or love was wasted.

I am reminded of the Griswold’s family vacation from National Lampoons Family Vacation. In this classic movie, the Griswold’s embark on their annual vacation, destination Wally World, an amusement park where families have fun together. The trip to Wally World takes a few days and along the trip the Griswold family has a number of mishaps as well as some fun times and close moments with each other. The kicker is that the trip to Wally World becomes quite the journey and adventure and when they arrive at the gates of the famed Wally World, they discover that it has been closed for renovations.  The movie, their journey, was never about Wally World, it was about all of the lessons they learned along the journey. They same is true in the journeys of our life, we may have our sights set on a goal and we work towards achieving that goal to only discover in the end that something has changed and what we perceived as  the end goal is not what it turns out to be. Do we simply discount all the things that we learned and experienced on our way to achieving that goal, No! Hell no! We do just the opposite, we take stock of our journey and all that has gone before and we forge ahead wiser then before with a knowing in our heart that neither time nor love was ever wasted or lost.

Embrace and love your journey, even when that journey does not lead you to what you thought it would. There are reasons for everything, for every curve in the road, for every climb up the hill and for every moment spent in the deep dark valleys of life.

Remember when there are two or more people involved, the only one you can control is yourself and therefore you never know what the last word on the last page will be. Even if there was a way for you to know, would you really want to know? What fun would that be! Create your world, however remember you cannot be the creator of someone else’s world, for they must do that for themselves.

Remember in our journey, the greatest prize does not await us at the end, the greatest prize is and always will be the journey it self!

The post “The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574104950) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(20) "Abuse and Our Limits" ["link"]=> string(59) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/abuse-and-our-limits/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 19:13:32 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(56) "Personal Growthabuselifeself developmentself improvement" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3605" ["description"]=> string(527) "

“The limit of your self abuse is the limit you will tolerate from other people. If someone abuses you more than you abuse yourself, you walk away, you run, you escape” Don Miguel Ruiz Why do we allow ourselves to be abused by other people? Could it be that on some level we feel that […]

The post Abuse and Our Limits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5330) "

“The limit of your self abuse is the limit you will tolerate from other people. If someone abuses you more than you abuse yourself, you walk away, you run, you escape”

Don Miguel Ruiz

Why do we allow ourselves to be abused by other people? Could it be that on some level we feel that we deserve to be abused? Could it be that over the years we have allowed ourselves to believe that we deserve to be abused? Could it be that our own internal self talk has become abusive and it has driven what we perceive to be our self worth down to a level to where we look for abuse to justify what we tell our self about our self?

The above quote is disturbing, yet in a way I believe is very true. This quote is not saying that we deserve all the abuse we get; it is talking about what we allow, what we tolerate in regards to abuse. We are talking about people who are staying in a situation where they are being abused and not walking away from it, or taking some action to eliminate this abuse. As a caveat, let me state that we are talking about adults here. We all understand that there are many children who are in abusive relationships that do not have the option or knowledge on how to extract their selves from an abusive relationship.

For many people abuse can become such a norm, that on the surface they do not recognize that they are being abused.

So why do we tolerate abuse? We tolerate abuse because we abuse our self to some degree and therefore subconsciously tolerate abuse from another person because in some way we do feel that we deserve the abuse. When we feel that we deserve abuse, what do you think we attract? We attract someone who will give us what we feel we deserve and in this case that would be abuse.

Of course on a conscious level, no one, short of masochist would seek out someone to abuse them, however for many people this is exactly what they do. I recently observed a person who was so use to being verbally and emotionally abused that one day when all was going well in her life, she turned to a person she was in a relationship with and out of the blue said “You are mad at me”, the other person was surprised by this accusation and said, “I am not mad at you, why would I be mad at you”, the response was “I just know your mad at me”, now this went on for a few minutes to the point where the person being accused of being mad said “Look, I wasn’t mad at you, however now I am getting mad, is that what you want”.  What happened here was that the abused person did not know how to handle life without abuse and needed some abuse to normalize her day. Sad isn’t it? People in abusive relationships often pick fights when things are calm, because they feel uncomfortable when they are not being abused in some manner.

If we are open to be abused to the level that we abuse ourselves, then what can we do to eliminate our tolerance of abuse from our life? The answer lies within our self, (which is no surprise, because that is where all of the answers reside), we must re-learn to love our self and that love must be unconditional. We must reach deep inside our self and determine what we really feel about our self, why we feel the way we do, and take that discovery of the abuse that we place upon our self and replace that with our authentic self, which is love. We must let go of any unworthiness we are holding on to, we must not punish ourselves for past mistakes, we must let go of guilt, we must let go of expectations and accept who we truly are and that is a spirit of love, an eternal spirit which is the persona of love and therefore deserving only of love. When we believe that we are worthy of love, because we are love, than we will no longer tolerate any abuse. We will no longer live in ego based fear, for you see, our spirit is much stronger than our fragile ego and we will understand that when we live in love that we have no fear of losing the abusive people in our life. Once we have this knowing, we then experience a great freedom in knowing that we do not fear the loss of abuse or the person who is abusing us. Therefore the abuse will be eliminated because the abuser will change his/her behavior towards you or you will no longer permit them to be a part of your life.

One may say, this is much easier to talk about than it is to do and I would agree, at first re-learning to love yourself may seem complex, however once you let go of what the ego wants to you so desperately to cling to because the ego has constructed an illusion of who you are, you will be able to see how simple it is to love yourself.

Loving yourself is your true, natural state of being.

Don’t believe that, try to find a child under the age of three who doesn’t love themselves fully.

The post Abuse and Our Limits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(527) "

“The limit of your self abuse is the limit you will tolerate from other people. If someone abuses you more than you abuse yourself, you walk away, you run, you escape” Don Miguel Ruiz Why do we allow ourselves to be abused by other people? Could it be that on some level we feel that […]

The post Abuse and Our Limits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5330) "

“The limit of your self abuse is the limit you will tolerate from other people. If someone abuses you more than you abuse yourself, you walk away, you run, you escape”

Don Miguel Ruiz

Why do we allow ourselves to be abused by other people? Could it be that on some level we feel that we deserve to be abused? Could it be that over the years we have allowed ourselves to believe that we deserve to be abused? Could it be that our own internal self talk has become abusive and it has driven what we perceive to be our self worth down to a level to where we look for abuse to justify what we tell our self about our self?

The above quote is disturbing, yet in a way I believe is very true. This quote is not saying that we deserve all the abuse we get; it is talking about what we allow, what we tolerate in regards to abuse. We are talking about people who are staying in a situation where they are being abused and not walking away from it, or taking some action to eliminate this abuse. As a caveat, let me state that we are talking about adults here. We all understand that there are many children who are in abusive relationships that do not have the option or knowledge on how to extract their selves from an abusive relationship.

For many people abuse can become such a norm, that on the surface they do not recognize that they are being abused.

So why do we tolerate abuse? We tolerate abuse because we abuse our self to some degree and therefore subconsciously tolerate abuse from another person because in some way we do feel that we deserve the abuse. When we feel that we deserve abuse, what do you think we attract? We attract someone who will give us what we feel we deserve and in this case that would be abuse.

Of course on a conscious level, no one, short of masochist would seek out someone to abuse them, however for many people this is exactly what they do. I recently observed a person who was so use to being verbally and emotionally abused that one day when all was going well in her life, she turned to a person she was in a relationship with and out of the blue said “You are mad at me”, the other person was surprised by this accusation and said, “I am not mad at you, why would I be mad at you”, the response was “I just know your mad at me”, now this went on for a few minutes to the point where the person being accused of being mad said “Look, I wasn’t mad at you, however now I am getting mad, is that what you want”.  What happened here was that the abused person did not know how to handle life without abuse and needed some abuse to normalize her day. Sad isn’t it? People in abusive relationships often pick fights when things are calm, because they feel uncomfortable when they are not being abused in some manner.

If we are open to be abused to the level that we abuse ourselves, then what can we do to eliminate our tolerance of abuse from our life? The answer lies within our self, (which is no surprise, because that is where all of the answers reside), we must re-learn to love our self and that love must be unconditional. We must reach deep inside our self and determine what we really feel about our self, why we feel the way we do, and take that discovery of the abuse that we place upon our self and replace that with our authentic self, which is love. We must let go of any unworthiness we are holding on to, we must not punish ourselves for past mistakes, we must let go of guilt, we must let go of expectations and accept who we truly are and that is a spirit of love, an eternal spirit which is the persona of love and therefore deserving only of love. When we believe that we are worthy of love, because we are love, than we will no longer tolerate any abuse. We will no longer live in ego based fear, for you see, our spirit is much stronger than our fragile ego and we will understand that when we live in love that we have no fear of losing the abusive people in our life. Once we have this knowing, we then experience a great freedom in knowing that we do not fear the loss of abuse or the person who is abusing us. Therefore the abuse will be eliminated because the abuser will change his/her behavior towards you or you will no longer permit them to be a part of your life.

One may say, this is much easier to talk about than it is to do and I would agree, at first re-learning to love yourself may seem complex, however once you let go of what the ego wants to you so desperately to cling to because the ego has constructed an illusion of who you are, you will be able to see how simple it is to love yourself.

Loving yourself is your true, natural state of being.

Don’t believe that, try to find a child under the age of three who doesn’t love themselves fully.

The post Abuse and Our Limits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574104412) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(12) "Life Purpose" ["link"]=> string(51) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/life-purpose/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 18:53:50 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(59) "Personal Growthlifelifetipsself developmentself improvement" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3601" ["description"]=> string(509) "

“I would rather be ashes than dust; I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot; I would rather be in a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than in a sleepy and permanent planet; the proper function of man is […]

The post Life Purpose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5824) "

“I would rather be ashes than dust; I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot; I would rather be in a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than in a sleepy and permanent planet; the proper function of man is to live, not to exist; I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them; I shall USE my time”

Jack London – Author

The greatest lie we can tell ourselves and the quickest way to death is to believe we have no purpose to serve. When we come to believe that we no longer serve a purpose and there is nothing more we can contribute to this life we die. It may be a quick death or it may be a slow death however to live with the belief that we no longer have purpose is a self imposed death sentence. This death of our self often may precede our physical death, sometimes by years and for others the loss of belief in our purpose is an accelerator of disease and death of our body.

It is our choice of how we perceive our purpose that makes the difference between living a life full of experience and knowing that we serve a purpose each moment lived and coming to believe that we no longer serve a purpose that distinguishes the living from the dead.

When we review the life of people who against the odds have survived advanced stages of diseases like cancer and AIDS we often find that they still saw a purpose for living and they did not accept the death sentence of a disease that had come to destroy their body. When we read of people who survived the Nazi concentration camps or the genocide missions in Rwanda we also find people who through some of the greatest suffering known to humankind that their survival was largely due to the fact they believed that they had purpose beyond the torture, beyond the near starvation and beyond all of the atrocities they experienced.  People who believe they still have purpose often live well beyond the death sentence they face while those who have lost the belief of purpose rapidly succumb to the death sentence of disease or of their environment.

Still others go to their death full of purpose even to the point that they recognize purpose within their very own death. People like Randy Pausch and Gabby Bouliane showed us even as they faced imminent death of their body that they still had purpose and they even found purpose within their own disease and death. These two people and many others burned brightly right to the very end of their human existence. They did not lose belief in their purpose.

We each matter, we each have purpose and to tell yourself otherwise is a lie. Why do people lose their belief in their purpose? Why do some people become so lost that they give up on living and instead choose to simply exist until this body gives up the ghost and ceases to exist? There are many reasons why one would choose to believe they serve no purpose. One thing is clear though, to come to the conclusion that you no longer serve a purpose is a choice. Some people choose to believe they are without purpose because of what they perceive is missing in their life. One may perceive they are missing love or money or stature and come to believe that because of what they see as missing in their life that they have no real purpose. Others may come to a point in their life where some dramatic and often traumatic change has occurred such as the death of someone close to them, imprisonment, loss of employment or financial devastation and they can no longer see any future and choose to believe they no longer have a purpose. Often times when people lose their job or even retire they seem to age quickly and die within a short time because they defined themselves by what they did. Their job in their mind was their purpose and without the job they believed they had no purpose. We sometimes see the same phenomenon happen when a long term companion dies the other person in the relationship who was healthy suddenly takes ill and dies shortly thereafter, again the persons purpose was tied to the person they shared their life with and when their partner died so did their purpose.

It is critical to our well being that we believe and understand that we each have an individual purpose as well as a purpose of oneness with the entire universe. Our purpose is not defined by our title, nor by how much money we have in the bank, nor by weather or not we are in a relationship. You are here today because you have purpose; you are here today to fulfill your purpose. Some people get hung up on the belief that their purpose must be of some notoriety, while for some they may gain notoriety as they live their purpose it is important to note that our purpose is to love and to experience this life and that you are impacting your self, all whom you directly touch and the entire universe with every thought, word and action.

Know today that you have purpose and that your purpose is much broader that what you do for a living and who you may or may not be in a relationship with. Know that if today all that you owned was stripped from you and all whom you have a relationship were removed from your life that you still have purpose that extends beyond the externals of your daily life.

Live life to the fullest, live life on purpose!

The post Life Purpose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(509) "

“I would rather be ashes than dust; I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot; I would rather be in a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than in a sleepy and permanent planet; the proper function of man is […]

The post Life Purpose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5824) "

“I would rather be ashes than dust; I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot; I would rather be in a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than in a sleepy and permanent planet; the proper function of man is to live, not to exist; I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them; I shall USE my time”

Jack London – Author

The greatest lie we can tell ourselves and the quickest way to death is to believe we have no purpose to serve. When we come to believe that we no longer serve a purpose and there is nothing more we can contribute to this life we die. It may be a quick death or it may be a slow death however to live with the belief that we no longer have purpose is a self imposed death sentence. This death of our self often may precede our physical death, sometimes by years and for others the loss of belief in our purpose is an accelerator of disease and death of our body.

It is our choice of how we perceive our purpose that makes the difference between living a life full of experience and knowing that we serve a purpose each moment lived and coming to believe that we no longer serve a purpose that distinguishes the living from the dead.

When we review the life of people who against the odds have survived advanced stages of diseases like cancer and AIDS we often find that they still saw a purpose for living and they did not accept the death sentence of a disease that had come to destroy their body. When we read of people who survived the Nazi concentration camps or the genocide missions in Rwanda we also find people who through some of the greatest suffering known to humankind that their survival was largely due to the fact they believed that they had purpose beyond the torture, beyond the near starvation and beyond all of the atrocities they experienced.  People who believe they still have purpose often live well beyond the death sentence they face while those who have lost the belief of purpose rapidly succumb to the death sentence of disease or of their environment.

Still others go to their death full of purpose even to the point that they recognize purpose within their very own death. People like Randy Pausch and Gabby Bouliane showed us even as they faced imminent death of their body that they still had purpose and they even found purpose within their own disease and death. These two people and many others burned brightly right to the very end of their human existence. They did not lose belief in their purpose.

We each matter, we each have purpose and to tell yourself otherwise is a lie. Why do people lose their belief in their purpose? Why do some people become so lost that they give up on living and instead choose to simply exist until this body gives up the ghost and ceases to exist? There are many reasons why one would choose to believe they serve no purpose. One thing is clear though, to come to the conclusion that you no longer serve a purpose is a choice. Some people choose to believe they are without purpose because of what they perceive is missing in their life. One may perceive they are missing love or money or stature and come to believe that because of what they see as missing in their life that they have no real purpose. Others may come to a point in their life where some dramatic and often traumatic change has occurred such as the death of someone close to them, imprisonment, loss of employment or financial devastation and they can no longer see any future and choose to believe they no longer have a purpose. Often times when people lose their job or even retire they seem to age quickly and die within a short time because they defined themselves by what they did. Their job in their mind was their purpose and without the job they believed they had no purpose. We sometimes see the same phenomenon happen when a long term companion dies the other person in the relationship who was healthy suddenly takes ill and dies shortly thereafter, again the persons purpose was tied to the person they shared their life with and when their partner died so did their purpose.

It is critical to our well being that we believe and understand that we each have an individual purpose as well as a purpose of oneness with the entire universe. Our purpose is not defined by our title, nor by how much money we have in the bank, nor by weather or not we are in a relationship. You are here today because you have purpose; you are here today to fulfill your purpose. Some people get hung up on the belief that their purpose must be of some notoriety, while for some they may gain notoriety as they live their purpose it is important to note that our purpose is to love and to experience this life and that you are impacting your self, all whom you directly touch and the entire universe with every thought, word and action.

Know today that you have purpose and that your purpose is much broader that what you do for a living and who you may or may not be in a relationship with. Know that if today all that you owned was stripped from you and all whom you have a relationship were removed from your life that you still have purpose that extends beyond the externals of your daily life.

Live life to the fullest, live life on purpose!

The post Life Purpose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574103230) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(24) "Arguing in Relationships" ["link"]=> string(63) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/arguing-in-relationships/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 18:45:56 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(76) "Relationship Adviceadvicearguingargumentinterestinglifelifetipsrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3598" ["description"]=> string(549) "

We have all heard that two wrongs don’t make a right and two negatives never make a positive; this also holds true when people argue. No one truly wins an argument.  Arguing is in fact one of the most ineffective ways to communicate. In an argument each side of the argument believes they are right […]

The post Arguing in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5138) "

We have all heard that two wrongs don’t make a right and two negatives never make a positive; this also holds true when people argue. No one truly wins an argument.  Arguing is in fact one of the most ineffective ways to communicate. In an argument each side of the argument believes they are right and because of their belief they are right they are rarely open to what the other side has to say. An argument usually consists of two opposing sides each just waiting for their opportunity to speak and tell their viewpoint and while they are waiting for their chance to speak they are rarely really listening to the other side because they are formulating what they want to say next to drive their point home.

Arguing simply does not work yet some people find themselves engaging in arguments quite frequently. Sometimes arguments quickly escalate to a point where one or both sides become angry and each side digs their heals in and becomes more resolute in the belief that they are right and the other side is wrong. We see this happen in relationships and people end up spending time in emotional and sometimes physical separation because the argument has now risen to a point of anger. It is often at this point where who is right or who is wrong goes out the window, now it becomes a battle of egos and winning is the operative word.  People at this point often may even mentally concede that the other side is making a valid point however it is now all about winning. Sometimes people get to the point where the negative result of the argument lasts so long that neither party can really remember what they were arguing about in the first place.

The basic problem with an argument is that it has no real objective other than to prove the other side wrong or to know the illusion of “winning” the argument.

“The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress”

Joseph Joubert – French Philosopher

The above quote states it very simply the objective of any argument or discussion should always be about progress, it should always be about how do we move the ball forward not about who is right and who is wrong and not about who wins or losses. Winning an argument is often a hollow win and at the end of the day creates more damage and rarely if ever drives progress.  This is true in virtually every type of relationship, be it couples, parent and child, political parties, etc; the arguments we create do more damage to the relationship and rarely progresses the relationship.

How do we shift the negative results of an argument or discussion?

  1. Don’t engage in an argument/discussion when you are feeling angry. If you are feeling emotional delay the discussion until you have cooled down and can be objective.
  2. Set a clear objective of what you wish to discuss and how you expect the discussion will lead to progress
  3. Detach yourself from winning or losing, remember to keep referring to your objective of making progress
  4. Leave your ego at the door, remember this is not about who is right and who is wrong – proceed and communicate with the intention and spirit of love
  5. Accept that Rome was not built in a day and often times it will take multiple discussions to fully resolve an issue
  6. Listen, listen and listen some more, be open to what the other side is saying, seek to understand the other sides perspective and what their motivation is.
  7. Know that sometimes we have to simply agree to disagree.
  8. Be fair, stay away from using sweeping general statements and mud slinging
  9. Stay current and stay within context, avoid bringing non-related issues into the discussion
  10. Be clear on what each side has agreed to and set clear expectations of next steps or future behavior is.

10.5. Know that the other side is not a mind reader; clearly communicate what you are thinking.

  1. Understand that “right” and “wrong”  are both perceptions and that perceptions change as we shift our view
  2. Shift your view to one of love and compassion

Consider today how you can repair the damage caused by some argument that you have already had and how by dropping the need to be right or to win could help to mend a relationship that has been damaged by an argument.

“The problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred”

– George Bernard Shaw –  Playwright

The post Arguing in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(549) "

We have all heard that two wrongs don’t make a right and two negatives never make a positive; this also holds true when people argue. No one truly wins an argument.  Arguing is in fact one of the most ineffective ways to communicate. In an argument each side of the argument believes they are right […]

The post Arguing in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5138) "

We have all heard that two wrongs don’t make a right and two negatives never make a positive; this also holds true when people argue. No one truly wins an argument.  Arguing is in fact one of the most ineffective ways to communicate. In an argument each side of the argument believes they are right and because of their belief they are right they are rarely open to what the other side has to say. An argument usually consists of two opposing sides each just waiting for their opportunity to speak and tell their viewpoint and while they are waiting for their chance to speak they are rarely really listening to the other side because they are formulating what they want to say next to drive their point home.

Arguing simply does not work yet some people find themselves engaging in arguments quite frequently. Sometimes arguments quickly escalate to a point where one or both sides become angry and each side digs their heals in and becomes more resolute in the belief that they are right and the other side is wrong. We see this happen in relationships and people end up spending time in emotional and sometimes physical separation because the argument has now risen to a point of anger. It is often at this point where who is right or who is wrong goes out the window, now it becomes a battle of egos and winning is the operative word.  People at this point often may even mentally concede that the other side is making a valid point however it is now all about winning. Sometimes people get to the point where the negative result of the argument lasts so long that neither party can really remember what they were arguing about in the first place.

The basic problem with an argument is that it has no real objective other than to prove the other side wrong or to know the illusion of “winning” the argument.

“The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress”

Joseph Joubert – French Philosopher

The above quote states it very simply the objective of any argument or discussion should always be about progress, it should always be about how do we move the ball forward not about who is right and who is wrong and not about who wins or losses. Winning an argument is often a hollow win and at the end of the day creates more damage and rarely if ever drives progress.  This is true in virtually every type of relationship, be it couples, parent and child, political parties, etc; the arguments we create do more damage to the relationship and rarely progresses the relationship.

How do we shift the negative results of an argument or discussion?

  1. Don’t engage in an argument/discussion when you are feeling angry. If you are feeling emotional delay the discussion until you have cooled down and can be objective.
  2. Set a clear objective of what you wish to discuss and how you expect the discussion will lead to progress
  3. Detach yourself from winning or losing, remember to keep referring to your objective of making progress
  4. Leave your ego at the door, remember this is not about who is right and who is wrong – proceed and communicate with the intention and spirit of love
  5. Accept that Rome was not built in a day and often times it will take multiple discussions to fully resolve an issue
  6. Listen, listen and listen some more, be open to what the other side is saying, seek to understand the other sides perspective and what their motivation is.
  7. Know that sometimes we have to simply agree to disagree.
  8. Be fair, stay away from using sweeping general statements and mud slinging
  9. Stay current and stay within context, avoid bringing non-related issues into the discussion
  10. Be clear on what each side has agreed to and set clear expectations of next steps or future behavior is.

10.5. Know that the other side is not a mind reader; clearly communicate what you are thinking.

  1. Understand that “right” and “wrong”  are both perceptions and that perceptions change as we shift our view
  2. Shift your view to one of love and compassion

Consider today how you can repair the damage caused by some argument that you have already had and how by dropping the need to be right or to win could help to mend a relationship that has been damaged by an argument.

“The problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred”

– George Bernard Shaw –  Playwright

The post Arguing in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574102756) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(34) "How to Communicate Without Arguing" ["link"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/how-to-communicate-without-arguing/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 18:28:46 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(70) "Marriagearguingcommunicatecommunicationeffective communicationmarriage" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3595" ["description"]=> string(567) "

Terry was lost in his thoughts as he drove home after a long, grueling day at the office. He was not looking forward to arriving home. After spending all day trying to get prospective clients to give him their business, he was convinced that upon getting home that his wife, Donna, was going to give […]

The post How to Communicate Without Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6625) "

Terry was lost in his thoughts as he drove home after a long, grueling day at the office. He was not looking forward to arriving home. After spending all day trying to get prospective clients to give him their business, he was convinced that upon getting home that his wife, Donna, was going to give him the business, and he wasn’t buying it.

“I can hear it now already,” he thought to himself. “The minute I get in the door, ‘We need to talk!’ will be the first words out of her mouth.” He wished that he could tell her, “No, you need to talk and I am supposed to listen to you endlessly drone on with the same old song and dance.”

He mumbled to himself out loud, “Just once, I wish I could come home and not have to listen to it.”

Meanwhile, across town, Donna contemplated her husband’s arrival. “I wish I could get him to listen to me. Just once, I wish I could get him to listen to me without getting angry. Why can’t we have a civil conversation instead of always having an argument?”

Does this sound familiar?

What is going on between Terry and Donna is quite common. When people have been married for years, they often think that they are reading each other. They think they can predict what is going to be said, perhaps word for word, within the first few seconds, and sometimes they will be right and sometimes they will be wrong. These predictions are part of the problem.

In a sense, they are already arguing before a word is actually said between them. In some couples, when one spouse tries to change the pattern, the other will work doubly hard, without meaning to, to pull the conversation back into the old pattern. They are in a conversational rut: communication seems predictable, including tone of voice and body language. Instead of joining in the same old argument, one spouse could tune the other out. Tuning the other person out is also communication, but it usually communicates something other than what is intended. Conversational ruts and tuning out both reinforce negative feelings toward each other.

Your relationship doesn’t have to be this way. Today I am going to show you how you can redirect yourself in communicating with your spouse to pull your marriage out of the conversational rut.

The Mind and the Motives

In order for you to understand what is taking place between Terry and Donna, I will refer to one of the classic understandings of the brain. The most recent findings are much more complex but not necessary for our discussion. Your brain has to have rich blood flowing in order to work properly. If you feel threatened, those resources are directed to a primitive part of your brain, the reptilian brain.

The frontal cortex, which deals with executive functioning, gets shortchanged. When your reptilian brain gets the majority of resources, your primitive or animal-like response is to feel compelled to win, as if your very existence were at stake, no matter how minor the issue was that started the process.

In order to improve your communication and your relationship, you have to learn how to rebalance your brain’s resources before those primitive responses create more problems for you. The frontal cortex is turned on when you are thinking logically or rationally deciding an issue. How does this information translate into action that can change your relationship?

Think Before Speaking to Your Friend

Once you start to feel upset and angry, your brain is already feeding the wrong part. The most direct access we have to changing this situation for the better is to engage our thinking. Effective thoughts would include “He is my best friend; I wonder why he is acting this way?” or “I am going to be her best friend; what can I do to help relieve her emotional pain?”

You cannot expect to start thinking positive thoughts in the heat of a problem situation if you aren’t ready. If you have never done long-distance running, would you run a marathon this afternoon? Of course not. You would need lots of practice and training first. Similarly, you have to practice good thoughts during neutral and good times-both when you are together and when you are separated.

Practice thinking only good thoughts toward your spouse so you will be prepared to think good thoughts if your partner does or says something you don’t like. Instead of expecting an adversarial response, you are training yourself to expect a friend-type response. If your partner delivers a response that is not what you hope for, be curious, not angry.

Another helpful thought is to say to yourself that you don’t want to be the kind of person who responds with anger toward someone you love. Using this or similar thoughts sets your mind to think of this as your own self-improvement program rather than trying to change your spouse. You have to do this yourself for yourself. When you become a better partner, your spouse will too.

There may never truly be a “good” time to discuss emotionally laden material, but some times are worse than others. You don’t want to choose to talk when your partner has other immediate concerns such as being exhausted, hungry, in pain, or stressed out from a bad day at work or just having had to deal with a child’s behavioral issues.

Understanding Through Empathy

When your spouse is upset, imagine the world from his or her viewpoint and understand how the situation is upsetting as your spouse experiences it, even if the perpetrator is you. Go for understanding your spouse, rather than arguing for “the truth.”

If you have a hard time starting this, begin by saying something like “I want to understand what you went through. I might not agree with your view, but I really want to understand it.” You might think you already understand, but if you allow your spouse to lead and you set your defenses aside, you will probably discover how much you didn’t understand.

Communication is one of the biggest challenges every marriage faces. However, the couples that stick together are the ones that learn how to effectively “talk.”

The post How to Communicate Without Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(567) "

Terry was lost in his thoughts as he drove home after a long, grueling day at the office. He was not looking forward to arriving home. After spending all day trying to get prospective clients to give him their business, he was convinced that upon getting home that his wife, Donna, was going to give […]

The post How to Communicate Without Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6625) "

Terry was lost in his thoughts as he drove home after a long, grueling day at the office. He was not looking forward to arriving home. After spending all day trying to get prospective clients to give him their business, he was convinced that upon getting home that his wife, Donna, was going to give him the business, and he wasn’t buying it.

“I can hear it now already,” he thought to himself. “The minute I get in the door, ‘We need to talk!’ will be the first words out of her mouth.” He wished that he could tell her, “No, you need to talk and I am supposed to listen to you endlessly drone on with the same old song and dance.”

He mumbled to himself out loud, “Just once, I wish I could come home and not have to listen to it.”

Meanwhile, across town, Donna contemplated her husband’s arrival. “I wish I could get him to listen to me. Just once, I wish I could get him to listen to me without getting angry. Why can’t we have a civil conversation instead of always having an argument?”

Does this sound familiar?

What is going on between Terry and Donna is quite common. When people have been married for years, they often think that they are reading each other. They think they can predict what is going to be said, perhaps word for word, within the first few seconds, and sometimes they will be right and sometimes they will be wrong. These predictions are part of the problem.

In a sense, they are already arguing before a word is actually said between them. In some couples, when one spouse tries to change the pattern, the other will work doubly hard, without meaning to, to pull the conversation back into the old pattern. They are in a conversational rut: communication seems predictable, including tone of voice and body language. Instead of joining in the same old argument, one spouse could tune the other out. Tuning the other person out is also communication, but it usually communicates something other than what is intended. Conversational ruts and tuning out both reinforce negative feelings toward each other.

Your relationship doesn’t have to be this way. Today I am going to show you how you can redirect yourself in communicating with your spouse to pull your marriage out of the conversational rut.

The Mind and the Motives

In order for you to understand what is taking place between Terry and Donna, I will refer to one of the classic understandings of the brain. The most recent findings are much more complex but not necessary for our discussion. Your brain has to have rich blood flowing in order to work properly. If you feel threatened, those resources are directed to a primitive part of your brain, the reptilian brain.

The frontal cortex, which deals with executive functioning, gets shortchanged. When your reptilian brain gets the majority of resources, your primitive or animal-like response is to feel compelled to win, as if your very existence were at stake, no matter how minor the issue was that started the process.

In order to improve your communication and your relationship, you have to learn how to rebalance your brain’s resources before those primitive responses create more problems for you. The frontal cortex is turned on when you are thinking logically or rationally deciding an issue. How does this information translate into action that can change your relationship?

Think Before Speaking to Your Friend

Once you start to feel upset and angry, your brain is already feeding the wrong part. The most direct access we have to changing this situation for the better is to engage our thinking. Effective thoughts would include “He is my best friend; I wonder why he is acting this way?” or “I am going to be her best friend; what can I do to help relieve her emotional pain?”

You cannot expect to start thinking positive thoughts in the heat of a problem situation if you aren’t ready. If you have never done long-distance running, would you run a marathon this afternoon? Of course not. You would need lots of practice and training first. Similarly, you have to practice good thoughts during neutral and good times-both when you are together and when you are separated.

Practice thinking only good thoughts toward your spouse so you will be prepared to think good thoughts if your partner does or says something you don’t like. Instead of expecting an adversarial response, you are training yourself to expect a friend-type response. If your partner delivers a response that is not what you hope for, be curious, not angry.

Another helpful thought is to say to yourself that you don’t want to be the kind of person who responds with anger toward someone you love. Using this or similar thoughts sets your mind to think of this as your own self-improvement program rather than trying to change your spouse. You have to do this yourself for yourself. When you become a better partner, your spouse will too.

There may never truly be a “good” time to discuss emotionally laden material, but some times are worse than others. You don’t want to choose to talk when your partner has other immediate concerns such as being exhausted, hungry, in pain, or stressed out from a bad day at work or just having had to deal with a child’s behavioral issues.

Understanding Through Empathy

When your spouse is upset, imagine the world from his or her viewpoint and understand how the situation is upsetting as your spouse experiences it, even if the perpetrator is you. Go for understanding your spouse, rather than arguing for “the truth.”

If you have a hard time starting this, begin by saying something like “I want to understand what you went through. I might not agree with your view, but I really want to understand it.” You might think you already understand, but if you allow your spouse to lead and you set your defenses aside, you will probably discover how much you didn’t understand.

Communication is one of the biggest challenges every marriage faces. However, the couples that stick together are the ones that learn how to effectively “talk.”

The post How to Communicate Without Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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You want to know how to save your marriage, trying to rescue your marriage from the brink of divorce – and you seem to be treading water and going under. You and your spouse have vicious fights, and you feel it’s causing even more damage to your already shaky marriage. Is it time to call in the divorce lawyer and end your […]

The post How to Save Your Marriage Despite Conflicts appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6918) "

You want to know how to save your marriage, trying to rescue your marriage from the brink of divorce – and you seem to be treading water and going under. You and your spouse have vicious fights, and you feel it’s causing even more damage to your already shaky marriage.

Is it time to call in the divorce lawyer and end your marriage? Or do you want guidance on how to save your marriage?

Hold the phone. In this blog, learn how fighting can actually save your marriage – and tips for getting through those tough, emotionally-laden arguments.

Leading Researcher Looks at Marriage Conflict

Marriage counselors have for years listened to couples rail at one another about a range of marital and personal issues, ranging from affairs to hobbies to who does/doesn’t-do dishes. We’ve also watched couples on television fighting their way into divorce court, where the couple can now wield the law as a weapon in their continuing fight.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that fighting is not healthy. And depending on how you fight, it’s not. – but it just may hold the key to how to save your marriage.

Many couples in the midst of heated arguments know that they’re on shaky ground and could be setting themselves up for a divorce that neither spouse wants. If you’ve been in this situation, you know what that feels like: you fear what’s happening – the contempt and anger you’re showing to one another – and yet, feel powerless to stop it.

Leading marriage researcher John Gottman has studied why marriages are either successful or ultimately fail. He bravely witnessed interactions between husbands and wives, no doubt an uncomfortable experience at times as couples tore into one another. He followed up with these couples over the years to see how their marriages fared.

The results of his work pointed to some specific indicators of a marriage on the verge of collapse versus one that makes it through. One key finding was that it’s not having conflict that dooms a marriage – it’s how we resolve those inevitable conflicts that are going to spring up in a marriage. Specifically, whether you fight or don’t fight is not as important as whether your interactions are balanced between the negative and positive spectrum.

There isn’t a single answer as to how to fix your marriage. We’re talking complex human interactions here with all of the nuances of emotion, personality and circumstance to influence that interaction.

However, there are some guidelines to help you and your spouse resolve your disputes in a constructive way, rather than ripping the marriage bond asunder in your individual quests to be heard, understood and vindicated.

Do Heated Arguments Signal Marriage’s End?

Just because you and your spouse have heated arguments does not mean you are headed for divorce court. On the contrary: this just may be your style of communicating with one another. Some couples hash it out, while others avoid conflict altogether. It’s what works for your individual situation and personalities.

With that stated, there are techniques for fighting in a cleaner, more constructive fashion than what you and your spouse are presently doing. There should be ground rules, so that you and your spouse don’t end up causing harm to one another in your efforts to express your feelings and thoughts, and then struggle with how to save your marriage once things have reached the breaking point. Here are three guidelines to follow:

Guideline #1: Set Aside Time/Place for Discussion

By treating the time you use to discuss issues with your partner as important, you and your spouse will be casting a different atmosphere than if you randomly jump into a heated topic. Designating a time and place for talking helps both of you feel like you’re prepared, and can set a different tone to the discussion that you may not get when the conversation occurs spontaneously.

For example, let’s say your spouse brings up a hot-button issue five minutes after you get in from work. You’re tired, hungry – and just had a dreadful commute. How do you think this will affect your response to what your spouse is saying?

Guideline #2: Provide Advance Notice to What’s Up for Discussion

If you and your continually spouse back yourselves into opposing corners in the discussion ring, it may be time to try this guideline. Similar to setting a time and place to talk, you can both feel more prepared about what you’ve agreed to talk about in advance.

A lot of discussions and arguments end in stalemate because one or both partners may feel cornered, or even broadsided, by the topic that is brought up. This can cause a defensive reaction as that partner reacts to “protect” themselves, and the other partner responds in kind. If there’s advance notice given – especially about a potentially heated topic or hot-button issue – both partners have an expectation so they don’t feel caught off-guard.

Guideline #3: Have a Retreat Plan in Place

You may have been in a situation where you’re having a conversation with your spouse, it becomes heated, then overheated – and then hits the boiling-over point. You know it’s happening, your spouse knows it’s happening, but both of you stick to your guns and continue to try to prove your point.

By agreeing to take a recess prior to things reaching a boiling point, you will find that your discussions and conflicts will become better managed. The last thing you want to do when you’re trying to resolve conflict is to fan the flames and create hard feelings, because that inevitably gets added to the conflict pot and will need to be addressed in a future discussion – adding to the conflict needing to be resolved.

You and your spouse should strive to manage your conflict before it manages you. Marital conflict isn’t bad in and of itself: it’s how it’s handled that counts. My best to you as you and your spouse work through conflict and rebuild your marriage.

The post How to Save Your Marriage Despite Conflicts appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(620) "

You want to know how to save your marriage, trying to rescue your marriage from the brink of divorce – and you seem to be treading water and going under. You and your spouse have vicious fights, and you feel it’s causing even more damage to your already shaky marriage. Is it time to call in the divorce lawyer and end your […]

The post How to Save Your Marriage Despite Conflicts appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6918) "

You want to know how to save your marriage, trying to rescue your marriage from the brink of divorce – and you seem to be treading water and going under. You and your spouse have vicious fights, and you feel it’s causing even more damage to your already shaky marriage.

Is it time to call in the divorce lawyer and end your marriage? Or do you want guidance on how to save your marriage?

Hold the phone. In this blog, learn how fighting can actually save your marriage – and tips for getting through those tough, emotionally-laden arguments.

Leading Researcher Looks at Marriage Conflict

Marriage counselors have for years listened to couples rail at one another about a range of marital and personal issues, ranging from affairs to hobbies to who does/doesn’t-do dishes. We’ve also watched couples on television fighting their way into divorce court, where the couple can now wield the law as a weapon in their continuing fight.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that fighting is not healthy. And depending on how you fight, it’s not. – but it just may hold the key to how to save your marriage.

Many couples in the midst of heated arguments know that they’re on shaky ground and could be setting themselves up for a divorce that neither spouse wants. If you’ve been in this situation, you know what that feels like: you fear what’s happening – the contempt and anger you’re showing to one another – and yet, feel powerless to stop it.

Leading marriage researcher John Gottman has studied why marriages are either successful or ultimately fail. He bravely witnessed interactions between husbands and wives, no doubt an uncomfortable experience at times as couples tore into one another. He followed up with these couples over the years to see how their marriages fared.

The results of his work pointed to some specific indicators of a marriage on the verge of collapse versus one that makes it through. One key finding was that it’s not having conflict that dooms a marriage – it’s how we resolve those inevitable conflicts that are going to spring up in a marriage. Specifically, whether you fight or don’t fight is not as important as whether your interactions are balanced between the negative and positive spectrum.

There isn’t a single answer as to how to fix your marriage. We’re talking complex human interactions here with all of the nuances of emotion, personality and circumstance to influence that interaction.

However, there are some guidelines to help you and your spouse resolve your disputes in a constructive way, rather than ripping the marriage bond asunder in your individual quests to be heard, understood and vindicated.

Do Heated Arguments Signal Marriage’s End?

Just because you and your spouse have heated arguments does not mean you are headed for divorce court. On the contrary: this just may be your style of communicating with one another. Some couples hash it out, while others avoid conflict altogether. It’s what works for your individual situation and personalities.

With that stated, there are techniques for fighting in a cleaner, more constructive fashion than what you and your spouse are presently doing. There should be ground rules, so that you and your spouse don’t end up causing harm to one another in your efforts to express your feelings and thoughts, and then struggle with how to save your marriage once things have reached the breaking point. Here are three guidelines to follow:

Guideline #1: Set Aside Time/Place for Discussion

By treating the time you use to discuss issues with your partner as important, you and your spouse will be casting a different atmosphere than if you randomly jump into a heated topic. Designating a time and place for talking helps both of you feel like you’re prepared, and can set a different tone to the discussion that you may not get when the conversation occurs spontaneously.

For example, let’s say your spouse brings up a hot-button issue five minutes after you get in from work. You’re tired, hungry – and just had a dreadful commute. How do you think this will affect your response to what your spouse is saying?

Guideline #2: Provide Advance Notice to What’s Up for Discussion

If you and your continually spouse back yourselves into opposing corners in the discussion ring, it may be time to try this guideline. Similar to setting a time and place to talk, you can both feel more prepared about what you’ve agreed to talk about in advance.

A lot of discussions and arguments end in stalemate because one or both partners may feel cornered, or even broadsided, by the topic that is brought up. This can cause a defensive reaction as that partner reacts to “protect” themselves, and the other partner responds in kind. If there’s advance notice given – especially about a potentially heated topic or hot-button issue – both partners have an expectation so they don’t feel caught off-guard.

Guideline #3: Have a Retreat Plan in Place

You may have been in a situation where you’re having a conversation with your spouse, it becomes heated, then overheated – and then hits the boiling-over point. You know it’s happening, your spouse knows it’s happening, but both of you stick to your guns and continue to try to prove your point.

By agreeing to take a recess prior to things reaching a boiling point, you will find that your discussions and conflicts will become better managed. The last thing you want to do when you’re trying to resolve conflict is to fan the flames and create hard feelings, because that inevitably gets added to the conflict pot and will need to be addressed in a future discussion – adding to the conflict needing to be resolved.

You and your spouse should strive to manage your conflict before it manages you. Marital conflict isn’t bad in and of itself: it’s how it’s handled that counts. My best to you as you and your spouse work through conflict and rebuild your marriage.

The post How to Save Your Marriage Despite Conflicts appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574101326) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(50) "2 Tactics for Managing Suspicions in Relationships" ["link"]=> string(89) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/2-tactics-for-managing-suspicions-in-relationships/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 15:56:26 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(32) "Dating AdviceRelationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3588" ["description"]=> string(675) "

Has your partner done something to make you mistrust them? Even if the infraction was only a one-time occurrence, the repercussions of broken trust to your mental landscape can continue for some time. It’s difficult to escape the plague of suspicious thoughts that can occur as a result.  Trying to stop obsessive thoughts may make them entrench even deeper. In this […]

The post 2 Tactics for Managing Suspicions in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3557) "

Has your partner done something to make you mistrust them?

Even if the infraction was only a one-time occurrence, the repercussions of broken trust to your mental landscape can continue for some time.

It’s difficult to escape the plague of suspicious thoughts that can occur as a result.  Trying to stop obsessive thoughts may make them entrench even deeper.

In this blog, we’ll take a look at the nature of suspicious thoughts.  Then, I’ll give you 2 tips for better managing them so you can release yourself from their obsessive nature.  Read on…

Obsessive Suspicious Thoughts

When your trust has been broken by a partner’s betrayal, it can turn you into a private detective… picking over the details of your own relationship.

Mistrust and suspicion are two sides of the same coin, and having a constant parade of suspicious thoughts about your partner’s every action and intention can be debilitating.

Suspicions can be justified, especially when your partner behaves in sneaky ways, or hedges on telling you where they are going or where they’ve been.

Without transparency in place, you really don’t know what your partner is up to… and that just fuels the flames of suspicion all the more.

Whether your partner works to be more transparent in their actions or simply continues on the way they have been, there are two things you can do to better manage your suspicions.

The 2-Tip Plan for Managing Suspicion

Your suspicions shouldn’t be completely quelled, but they can be managed so that you’re not getting into a state of obsessive thinking about them.

Here are 2 tips to help you manage suspicions…

Avoid the Burying Effect

When you experience a breach of trust but then try to move forward and once again trust your partner, you may feel it’s necessary to bury your feelings.

Don’t.

You don’t want to veer into a state of denial, either.  Having suspicious feelings could be your imagination in overdrive… or it could be your early-warning system telling you that something is amiss.

In time, when your partner has proven their trustworthiness, your suspicious feelings should begin to mellow, because there is nothing happening to reinforce them.

Use Suspicions as a Trust-building Guide

If you are feeling suspicious over your partner’s activities, write down what specifically makes you suspicious.

Do they come home late from work several times a week?

Do they take phone calls outside?

Do they change the computer screen when you walk in?

Use these places where your red flag goes up as starting points for what prompts your suspicious feelings… it stems from the behaviors of your partner.

Discuss them with your partner, and see if you can come up with a solution that promotes greater transparency… especially around occurrences that trigger your suspicions.

The post 2 Tactics for Managing Suspicions in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(675) "

Has your partner done something to make you mistrust them? Even if the infraction was only a one-time occurrence, the repercussions of broken trust to your mental landscape can continue for some time. It’s difficult to escape the plague of suspicious thoughts that can occur as a result.  Trying to stop obsessive thoughts may make them entrench even deeper. In this […]

The post 2 Tactics for Managing Suspicions in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3557) "

Has your partner done something to make you mistrust them?

Even if the infraction was only a one-time occurrence, the repercussions of broken trust to your mental landscape can continue for some time.

It’s difficult to escape the plague of suspicious thoughts that can occur as a result.  Trying to stop obsessive thoughts may make them entrench even deeper.

In this blog, we’ll take a look at the nature of suspicious thoughts.  Then, I’ll give you 2 tips for better managing them so you can release yourself from their obsessive nature.  Read on…

Obsessive Suspicious Thoughts

When your trust has been broken by a partner’s betrayal, it can turn you into a private detective… picking over the details of your own relationship.

Mistrust and suspicion are two sides of the same coin, and having a constant parade of suspicious thoughts about your partner’s every action and intention can be debilitating.

Suspicions can be justified, especially when your partner behaves in sneaky ways, or hedges on telling you where they are going or where they’ve been.

Without transparency in place, you really don’t know what your partner is up to… and that just fuels the flames of suspicion all the more.

Whether your partner works to be more transparent in their actions or simply continues on the way they have been, there are two things you can do to better manage your suspicions.

The 2-Tip Plan for Managing Suspicion

Your suspicions shouldn’t be completely quelled, but they can be managed so that you’re not getting into a state of obsessive thinking about them.

Here are 2 tips to help you manage suspicions…

Avoid the Burying Effect

When you experience a breach of trust but then try to move forward and once again trust your partner, you may feel it’s necessary to bury your feelings.

Don’t.

You don’t want to veer into a state of denial, either.  Having suspicious feelings could be your imagination in overdrive… or it could be your early-warning system telling you that something is amiss.

In time, when your partner has proven their trustworthiness, your suspicious feelings should begin to mellow, because there is nothing happening to reinforce them.

Use Suspicions as a Trust-building Guide

If you are feeling suspicious over your partner’s activities, write down what specifically makes you suspicious.

Do they come home late from work several times a week?

Do they take phone calls outside?

Do they change the computer screen when you walk in?

Use these places where your red flag goes up as starting points for what prompts your suspicious feelings… it stems from the behaviors of your partner.

Discuss them with your partner, and see if you can come up with a solution that promotes greater transparency… especially around occurrences that trigger your suspicions.

The post 2 Tactics for Managing Suspicions in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1574092586) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(40) "Must See Movies About Interracial Dating" ["link"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/18/must-see-movies-about-interracial-dating/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 18 Nov 2019 15:40:18 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(105) "Interestingguess who's coming to dinnerhitchinterracialInterracial Datingjungle fevermoviesthe body guard" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3583" ["description"]=> string(627) "

West Side Story (1961). A modern take (at least for the ‘60S) on Shakespearian classic Romeo and Juliet, this story of star-crossed lovers features white-boy Tony falling in love with Puerto Rican Maria (and vice versa) despite gang tension between their two families, fueled by interracial hatred.  Their cautionary tales ends in death for the […]

The post Must See Movies About Interracial Dating appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4220) "

West Side Story (1961).

A modern take (at least for the ‘60S) on Shakespearian classic Romeo and Juliet, this story of star-crossed lovers features white-boy Tony falling in love with Puerto Rican Maria (and vice versa) despite gang tension between their two families, fueled by interracial hatred.  Their cautionary tales ends in death for the lovers, but interthe families are left to ponder their own hand in the fateful outcome.

Mississippi Masala (1991).

Denzel Washington is excellent as always in his turn as a young black man living in the south that meets and falls in love with an Indian girl (Sarita Choudhury), who has emigrated from Uganda with her family.  A major conflict arises when her family finds out about the relationship (which she has hidden from them).

Hitch (2005).

This modern romantic comedy takes a detour from the usual issues of miscegenation by pairing a conniving “date doctor” (Will Smith) with a wary gossip columnist (Eva Mendes) who is doing a scoop on one of his clients.  Both are unlucky in love themselves, and hilarity ensues when they try to date, but issues of race are thankfully ignored (he’s black, she’s Cuban-American) while their personal issues are explored.

 The Bodyguard (1992).  Of course, the movie is about a famous singer (Whitney Houston, basically playing herself) who is being stalked.  But when a troubled bodyguard (a brooding but stoic Kevin Costner) comes to her rescue and vows to protect her, it’s no surprise that passions flair.  Put two pretty people in desperate circumstances and watch a romance blossom.

 Fools Rush In (1997).

When a sultry one-night stand results in pregnancy, a white man (Matthew Perry) and a Hispanic woman (Salma Hayek) impulsively decide to marry (Vegas style).  Cultures collide when he introduces her to his WASPy family and she takes him home to meet her Mexican-American, Catholic family.  Barbed comments are bandied about, raising tension, and at one point, there is a chase with a baseball bat.  But despite the conflict of families, the lovebirds find a way to soldier through.

Jungle Fever (1991).

The title may be cliché, but the movie is anything but.  Spike Lee’s look at interracial love involves a married black man (Wesley Snipes) who starts an affair with an Italian-American secretary in his office (Anabella Sciorra).  As always, Lee keeps it controversial at every turn, not only because of an extramarital affair, but also because each of the lovers must deal with the disapproval of their respective families while questioning their own motives for taking part in the affair.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967).

This is a must-see not only because it showcases a relationship between a white woman (Katherine Houghton as a bubbly naïf) and a black man (the ever composed Sidney Poitier) at a time when such things were strictly taboo, but also because it highlights the generation gap between parents born into the depression era and their baby-boomer children reaching maturity at the birth of the sexual revolution and a tide of changing ideals and sensibilities.  Her parents are played to perfection by power couple Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn.  This is truly an understated classic that everyone should see (just make sure you don’t accidentally grab one of several modern remakes with similar names).

 

The post Must See Movies About Interracial Dating appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(627) "

West Side Story (1961). A modern take (at least for the ‘60S) on Shakespearian classic Romeo and Juliet, this story of star-crossed lovers features white-boy Tony falling in love with Puerto Rican Maria (and vice versa) despite gang tension between their two families, fueled by interracial hatred.  Their cautionary tales ends in death for the […]

The post Must See Movies About Interracial Dating appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4220) "

West Side Story (1961).

A modern take (at least for the ‘60S) on Shakespearian classic Romeo and Juliet, this story of star-crossed lovers features white-boy Tony falling in love with Puerto Rican Maria (and vice versa) despite gang tension between their two families, fueled by interracial hatred.  Their cautionary tales ends in death for the lovers, but interthe families are left to ponder their own hand in the fateful outcome.

Mississippi Masala (1991).

Denzel Washington is excellent as always in his turn as a young black man living in the south that meets and falls in love with an Indian girl (Sarita Choudhury), who has emigrated from Uganda with her family.  A major conflict arises when her family finds out about the relationship (which she has hidden from them).

Hitch (2005).

This modern romantic comedy takes a detour from the usual issues of miscegenation by pairing a conniving “date doctor” (Will Smith) with a wary gossip columnist (Eva Mendes) who is doing a scoop on one of his clients.  Both are unlucky in love themselves, and hilarity ensues when they try to date, but issues of race are thankfully ignored (he’s black, she’s Cuban-American) while their personal issues are explored.

 The Bodyguard (1992).  Of course, the movie is about a famous singer (Whitney Houston, basically playing herself) who is being stalked.  But when a troubled bodyguard (a brooding but stoic Kevin Costner) comes to her rescue and vows to protect her, it’s no surprise that passions flair.  Put two pretty people in desperate circumstances and watch a romance blossom.

 Fools Rush In (1997).

When a sultry one-night stand results in pregnancy, a white man (Matthew Perry) and a Hispanic woman (Salma Hayek) impulsively decide to marry (Vegas style).  Cultures collide when he introduces her to his WASPy family and she takes him home to meet her Mexican-American, Catholic family.  Barbed comments are bandied about, raising tension, and at one point, there is a chase with a baseball bat.  But despite the conflict of families, the lovebirds find a way to soldier through.

Jungle Fever (1991).

The title may be cliché, but the movie is anything but.  Spike Lee’s look at interracial love involves a married black man (Wesley Snipes) who starts an affair with an Italian-American secretary in his office (Anabella Sciorra).  As always, Lee keeps it controversial at every turn, not only because of an extramarital affair, but also because each of the lovers must deal with the disapproval of their respective families while questioning their own motives for taking part in the affair.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967).

This is a must-see not only because it showcases a relationship between a white woman (Katherine Houghton as a bubbly naïf) and a black man (the ever composed Sidney Poitier) at a time when such things were strictly taboo, but also because it highlights the generation gap between parents born into the depression era and their baby-boomer children reaching maturity at the birth of the sexual revolution and a tide of changing ideals and sensibilities.  Her parents are played to perfection by power couple Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn.  This is truly an understated classic that everyone should see (just make sure you don’t accidentally grab one of several modern remakes with similar names).

 

The post Must See Movies About Interracial Dating appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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