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I am a dude. Being a dude, I really shouldn’t admit to crying. And quite honestly, I don’t cry too often. I can only remember crying when my grandmother, grandfather, and Best Buddy, Jarrod, died. But that’s it. Oh wait. I definitely cried when Joe Carter hit the game winning homerun against the Phillies in […]

The post When Men Cry appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3671) "

I am a dude.

Being a dude, I really shouldn’t admit to crying.

And quite honestly, I don’t cry too often. I can only remember crying when my grandmother, grandfather, and Best Buddy, Jarrod, died.

But that’s it.

Oh wait. I definitely cried when Joe Carter hit the game winning homerun against the Phillies in the ’93 World Series. But I was eight, so I don’t think that should count.

Okay, and maybe there was one girl who I cried about one time. But she was my first love and we were cruelly torn away from each other and blah blah blah. I’m sure the Indie Chicks aren’t interested in that boring story.

Other than that, though, I haven’t cried at all.

In real life, that is.

You see, I recently read a post where the author talked about football player Peyton Manning being released by the Colts and the impact that it had on him as a loyal fan. For 14 years, Dan had watched Manning blossom into one of the best quarterbacks that the NFL has ever seen. Along with his own tearful reflection on seeing his hero’s farewell, Dan also included a video of the press conference, in which an emotional Manning shed tears for his beloved city of Indianapolis.

As I held back tears while watching the video, I realized what it is that affects me emotionally. The only thing that is actually capable of tugging at my heartstrings and bringing tears to my eyes.

It is witnessing a grown man cry.

I know it sounds weird. But seriously, it gets me every time.

The major moment that demonstrates what I’m getting at is the scene in Armageddon (spoiler to follow, but really it is your own fault if you haven’t seen it by now) is when Ben Affleck draws the short straw and is tasked to stay behind to manually detonate the nuke, thus sacrificing his life to save the world. But Bruce Willis throws him back onto the spaceship’s elevator, telling him to take care of his daughter and that he loves him and that he would be proud to call him his son-in-law. And then Ben Affleck is all like, “NOOOOO HARRY!!! I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!” and crying hysterically as he is lifted back up into the ship.

And while all of this is going on the screen, I’m sitting there on the couch, cursing my tear ducts. I’m not mad at them for building up extra moisture — I’m used to it at this point. I’m mad at them for building up so much extra moisture that my eyeballs have no choice but to release a tear or two down my cheek.

If there is someone else in the room (and let’s be honest… If I’m watching Armageddon, there’s bound to be someone else in the room since I am probably watching it at their request*), I will just sit there and let the tears fall where they may. For to reach up and wipe away the tear is to acknowledge that I cried.

*Seriously, how have I seen that movie so often?

Instead, I wait 2-3 minutes. When a non-emotional scene is playing, I finally reach my hand towards my face and pretend to scratch the back of my ear or the top of my scalp. And on the way back, my hand takes a moment to clandestinely wipe away whatever part of the trail of tears hasn’t evaporated.

 

The post When Men Cry appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(538) "

I am a dude. Being a dude, I really shouldn’t admit to crying. And quite honestly, I don’t cry too often. I can only remember crying when my grandmother, grandfather, and Best Buddy, Jarrod, died. But that’s it. Oh wait. I definitely cried when Joe Carter hit the game winning homerun against the Phillies in […]

The post When Men Cry appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3671) "

I am a dude.

Being a dude, I really shouldn’t admit to crying.

And quite honestly, I don’t cry too often. I can only remember crying when my grandmother, grandfather, and Best Buddy, Jarrod, died.

But that’s it.

Oh wait. I definitely cried when Joe Carter hit the game winning homerun against the Phillies in the ’93 World Series. But I was eight, so I don’t think that should count.

Okay, and maybe there was one girl who I cried about one time. But she was my first love and we were cruelly torn away from each other and blah blah blah. I’m sure the Indie Chicks aren’t interested in that boring story.

Other than that, though, I haven’t cried at all.

In real life, that is.

You see, I recently read a post where the author talked about football player Peyton Manning being released by the Colts and the impact that it had on him as a loyal fan. For 14 years, Dan had watched Manning blossom into one of the best quarterbacks that the NFL has ever seen. Along with his own tearful reflection on seeing his hero’s farewell, Dan also included a video of the press conference, in which an emotional Manning shed tears for his beloved city of Indianapolis.

As I held back tears while watching the video, I realized what it is that affects me emotionally. The only thing that is actually capable of tugging at my heartstrings and bringing tears to my eyes.

It is witnessing a grown man cry.

I know it sounds weird. But seriously, it gets me every time.

The major moment that demonstrates what I’m getting at is the scene in Armageddon (spoiler to follow, but really it is your own fault if you haven’t seen it by now) is when Ben Affleck draws the short straw and is tasked to stay behind to manually detonate the nuke, thus sacrificing his life to save the world. But Bruce Willis throws him back onto the spaceship’s elevator, telling him to take care of his daughter and that he loves him and that he would be proud to call him his son-in-law. And then Ben Affleck is all like, “NOOOOO HARRY!!! I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!” and crying hysterically as he is lifted back up into the ship.

And while all of this is going on the screen, I’m sitting there on the couch, cursing my tear ducts. I’m not mad at them for building up extra moisture — I’m used to it at this point. I’m mad at them for building up so much extra moisture that my eyeballs have no choice but to release a tear or two down my cheek.

If there is someone else in the room (and let’s be honest… If I’m watching Armageddon, there’s bound to be someone else in the room since I am probably watching it at their request*), I will just sit there and let the tears fall where they may. For to reach up and wipe away the tear is to acknowledge that I cried.

*Seriously, how have I seen that movie so often?

Instead, I wait 2-3 minutes. When a non-emotional scene is playing, I finally reach my hand towards my face and pretend to scratch the back of my ear or the top of my scalp. And on the way back, my hand takes a moment to clandestinely wipe away whatever part of the trail of tears hasn’t evaporated.

 

The post When Men Cry appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568904983) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(65) "The Problems Of Long Distance Relationships And How To Solve Them" ["link"]=> string(104) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/19/the-problems-of-long-distance-relationships-and-how-to-solve-them/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 19 Sep 2019 12:00:05 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(293) "Dating Issuesadvicebody languagecheatingcommitmentcommon groundcommunicationdatingDating Advicediscussing the futureemailfinanceshappyhonestyHumorintentionsJealousykidsLDRlifelong distance relationshipslovemarriagemenparentsrelationshipsrespectromanceself-esteemsextrustvacation mentalitywomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3095" ["description"]=> string(639) "

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain? I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it. Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone […]

The post The Problems Of Long Distance Relationships And How To Solve Them appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(12301) "

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain?

I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it.

Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone in their ear and keyboard under their fingers. Others scoff at the possibility of making it last claiming things like “out of sight, out of mind,” “how can you really get to know someone when you aren’t living close enough to each other to ‘do life’ together,” or even that they might find love at a distance but settle for the person thats closer at hand since life is complicated enough without adding in some improbable relationship into the mix.

So, did you happen to meet someone from another city and don’t know if you can make it work? Were you blissfully bumping along in the same town and then one or the other of you got transferred? Personally, I think anything is possible, but you have to know yourself well to know if long distance is a possibility for you. A long distance relationship (LDR) brings the same set of challenges a local relationship does plus the added element of needing to resolve the issues even if you can’t be face to face.

Are you one of the “will do anything for love” types? Does your heart tell you that anything is possible and you know that when you set your mind on something, it happens? Do you find a way to communicate even when it seems that everything conspires to keep you silent? Are you the kind of guy or girl who doesn’t really even notice other potential romances when you have your heart set on someone? Do you know yourself well and communicate honestly even when its uncomfortable? Can you combine a romantic spirit with the practical logistic planning needed to keep things rolling? If so, it may be entirely possible for you to make that long distance romance work. By combining communication with loyalty, perseverance and commitment, you might make it through the challenges to find love in the face of what others may find seemingly insurmountable obstacles. If someone questions your ability to get to know your love, you are one who replies with something along the lines of… “That’s what phone, Internet and planes are for.”

If you read the immediately preceding paragraph and cringed knowing that you find it hard to communicate when you are afraid of rejection or that your eyes do, in fact, wander a bit when you are left to your own devices or even that you tend to be a magical thinker when it comes to working out the kinks… you may be courting trouble in trying to make a long distance romance work. (Actually, you may be courting trouble dating at all until you get those things settled out… but that’s another post…) It’s hard enough when you are face to face with your desire to weave together the threads of a beautiful relationship, but if you add in the absence of non-verbal communication and the commitment it takes to create a relationship with physical miles spanning between, you may have a heart break on your hands.

The challenges of a long distance commitment are fairly universal and can only be ignored at the peril of your relationship. Take a look at the following issues and have an honest discussion with your long distance honey to see if you BOTH agree you can handle the challenges inherent in things like:

Communication

No games allowed. You’ve got to commit to honest and open dialogue even when it feels like you would rather wait until you are face to face to discuss. (If you are always putting off and waiting, you’ll develop a pattern of not addressing the issues and problems in the moment which can lead to the big, ugly elephant under the proverbial living room rug.) TIP: If there is a misunderstanding or the other person seems to really need to talk, consider making a special phone date to talk it through. Few things can make a person feel more lonely than when you know something is wrong with no way to address the issue. TIP: If you feel a fight in the making… switch over to webcam. By adding the facial cues to the vocal inflection, you may avoid some serious misunderstandings.

Respect each others time

A good rule of thumb to help keep the expectations in check is to create a routine where you talk at the same time of the day or week for a certain length of time. It can be challenging to get off the phone when you really want to keep whimpering sweet nothings at each other until the sun comes up, but by limiting your conversation to a certain period of time, you don’t have one partner or the other pressing the mute button as they try to salvage some portion of their evening due to a 1 hour phone conversation that turned into 5 hours. Also, remember to support each other having a life outside of the maintenance of your relationship. By investing in your day-to-day world, you’ll not only have more to talk about… you’ll be a more balanced and healthy person.

Physical Visits

Set a schedule for seeing each other including everything from the when’s and where’s to expectations for the visit. For example, say you think that of course you’ll be staying in your LDR’s (Long Distance Relationship) place and you’ll do everything together for the extent of the time you are there, but your LDR thinks hotels, your own rental car and individual time to get things done would be much more manageable… well, you can see the conflict brewing on this one. Don’t make assumptions and be willing to find a common ground if you are at different ends of the expectation spectrum.

Jealousy and Trust

If you tend to assume that when your significant other isn’t with you, they are with someone else or if you are dealing with some left over baggage from a cheater, you are going to have to take a long hard look at what you hope to gain from this relationship. The simple fact of the matter is that your LDR is not ALWAYS going to be available when you try to contact them and yes, they will be spending time with people from time to time who you don’t know. You need to decide if you trust each other and can let the jealousy issue go, or if you need to limit yourself to relationships in your own town so you can avoid the green-eyed monster.

The “We’re on vacation” mentality

This one is a real problem for most LDRs. It’s all too easy to push-off having any unpleasant discussions or dealing with the intrusion of reality when you know your time together is limited to a certain set of days every few weeks. It’s important for the health of your heart and relationship to make sure you stay current with how you are in the moment and stop putting off day-to-day life when you are together.

Finances

There’s no doubt about it, LDRs add an element of financial strain to most budgets. Everything from needing a more comprehensive long distance and texting phone plan to the actual expense of getting from place to place or even paying for places to stay when you decide to meet in the middle. Its gets pricey. The good news, you’ll be much more aware of how this person handles finances and if they expect you to be taken care of, spilt costs or pay for everything. The bad news, finance and money is one of the main causes of divorce and relationship strain and a LDR brings it right up to the front and center ASAP.

Finding the Common Ground

When you are in a local relationship, you get to know each other through everything from discussing the day over coffee to meeting up for a daily run or watching a show together every week. There is more emotional glue in your relationship than just talking. But in a LDR, the communication (emails, calls, visits) are going to be your primary connection. TIP: Perhaps try something along the lines of watching that same show every week or reading a book together or taking lessons in the same hobby so that you can share your progress not only via phone but also have something new to do when you are together. By creating more common ground with something more fun than talking about how much you miss each other, your relationship begins to feel more real and vested.

Kids, friends and pets

Talk with each other about the expectations around being included in the other person’s world. If your LDR includes children, it’s going to be even more crucial to discuss how and when you plan to share with your kids why a certain someone keeps coming around every few weeks to take up a lot of mom or dad’s time. The great thing about a LDR is that you have more time to invest in your kids, friends and interests than you likely would by dating someone in town… so take advantage of it!

Talk about the future

You may not be used to talking about where things are going and expectations in this area, but if you are investing this kind of time and energy in cultivating a relationship with someone at a distance, you’re going to need to talk about your intentions. Does one of you intend to relocate in the near future? Are you considering marriage or long-term commitment? Do you expect to move in together if one or the other of you relocate?

Sex

Talk with each other about all aspects of this one. Are you going to try phone sex? Is your relationship open or closed? (some people are of the opinion that what the other person doesn’t know won’t hurt them…) Masturbation? Porn usage? Abstinence? When you are together… is it going to be like a honeymoon the first day or two or for the entire visit? If you are used to an active sex life, this area could present one of the larger stumbling blocks available. By talking about it non-judgmentally and honestly, you can find a place to share understanding instead of a dividing line.

Be happy

Learn to be the source of your own happiness if you haven’t already. Instead of focusing on the miserable loneliness or the distance or that they are going out with a new group of friends you don’t know, learn to create happiness apart from the presence of your partner. You may think its counter intuitive and that this new independent happiness will pull you away from your partner, but actually the opposite is true. How fun is it to talk to a Morose Mel every day on the phone? By actually being upbeat, happy and positive, your partner will look forward to talking to you more and you’ll be happier with life in general. It’s a win/win for everyone.

Whether you started off long distance or became that way during your relationship, it’s completely possible to make it work. You just need to be clear-sighted about the risk/reward ratio and have both partners AGREE that its something you are willing to invest in. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can convince her to make it work or that if he just gets how charming/sweet/smart/beautiful/sexy you are, he’ll decide he can’t live without you. Some people simply don’t think long distance is workable and you have to respect their opinion. If you are married and it comes up make sure you are both on for the challenge BEFORE you accept that job offer.

The post The Problems Of Long Distance Relationships And How To Solve Them appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(639) "

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain? I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it. Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone […]

The post The Problems Of Long Distance Relationships And How To Solve Them appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(12301) "

Long distance romance. Plausible or just a pain?

I’ve been getting lots of requests for a few posts on long distance romance, so lets talk about it.

Some people claim they will go anywhere and do anything for love. Traveling every other weekend to see each other, moving states and jobs, living with a phone in their ear and keyboard under their fingers. Others scoff at the possibility of making it last claiming things like “out of sight, out of mind,” “how can you really get to know someone when you aren’t living close enough to each other to ‘do life’ together,” or even that they might find love at a distance but settle for the person thats closer at hand since life is complicated enough without adding in some improbable relationship into the mix.

So, did you happen to meet someone from another city and don’t know if you can make it work? Were you blissfully bumping along in the same town and then one or the other of you got transferred? Personally, I think anything is possible, but you have to know yourself well to know if long distance is a possibility for you. A long distance relationship (LDR) brings the same set of challenges a local relationship does plus the added element of needing to resolve the issues even if you can’t be face to face.

Are you one of the “will do anything for love” types? Does your heart tell you that anything is possible and you know that when you set your mind on something, it happens? Do you find a way to communicate even when it seems that everything conspires to keep you silent? Are you the kind of guy or girl who doesn’t really even notice other potential romances when you have your heart set on someone? Do you know yourself well and communicate honestly even when its uncomfortable? Can you combine a romantic spirit with the practical logistic planning needed to keep things rolling? If so, it may be entirely possible for you to make that long distance romance work. By combining communication with loyalty, perseverance and commitment, you might make it through the challenges to find love in the face of what others may find seemingly insurmountable obstacles. If someone questions your ability to get to know your love, you are one who replies with something along the lines of… “That’s what phone, Internet and planes are for.”

If you read the immediately preceding paragraph and cringed knowing that you find it hard to communicate when you are afraid of rejection or that your eyes do, in fact, wander a bit when you are left to your own devices or even that you tend to be a magical thinker when it comes to working out the kinks… you may be courting trouble in trying to make a long distance romance work. (Actually, you may be courting trouble dating at all until you get those things settled out… but that’s another post…) It’s hard enough when you are face to face with your desire to weave together the threads of a beautiful relationship, but if you add in the absence of non-verbal communication and the commitment it takes to create a relationship with physical miles spanning between, you may have a heart break on your hands.

The challenges of a long distance commitment are fairly universal and can only be ignored at the peril of your relationship. Take a look at the following issues and have an honest discussion with your long distance honey to see if you BOTH agree you can handle the challenges inherent in things like:

Communication

No games allowed. You’ve got to commit to honest and open dialogue even when it feels like you would rather wait until you are face to face to discuss. (If you are always putting off and waiting, you’ll develop a pattern of not addressing the issues and problems in the moment which can lead to the big, ugly elephant under the proverbial living room rug.) TIP: If there is a misunderstanding or the other person seems to really need to talk, consider making a special phone date to talk it through. Few things can make a person feel more lonely than when you know something is wrong with no way to address the issue. TIP: If you feel a fight in the making… switch over to webcam. By adding the facial cues to the vocal inflection, you may avoid some serious misunderstandings.

Respect each others time

A good rule of thumb to help keep the expectations in check is to create a routine where you talk at the same time of the day or week for a certain length of time. It can be challenging to get off the phone when you really want to keep whimpering sweet nothings at each other until the sun comes up, but by limiting your conversation to a certain period of time, you don’t have one partner or the other pressing the mute button as they try to salvage some portion of their evening due to a 1 hour phone conversation that turned into 5 hours. Also, remember to support each other having a life outside of the maintenance of your relationship. By investing in your day-to-day world, you’ll not only have more to talk about… you’ll be a more balanced and healthy person.

Physical Visits

Set a schedule for seeing each other including everything from the when’s and where’s to expectations for the visit. For example, say you think that of course you’ll be staying in your LDR’s (Long Distance Relationship) place and you’ll do everything together for the extent of the time you are there, but your LDR thinks hotels, your own rental car and individual time to get things done would be much more manageable… well, you can see the conflict brewing on this one. Don’t make assumptions and be willing to find a common ground if you are at different ends of the expectation spectrum.

Jealousy and Trust

If you tend to assume that when your significant other isn’t with you, they are with someone else or if you are dealing with some left over baggage from a cheater, you are going to have to take a long hard look at what you hope to gain from this relationship. The simple fact of the matter is that your LDR is not ALWAYS going to be available when you try to contact them and yes, they will be spending time with people from time to time who you don’t know. You need to decide if you trust each other and can let the jealousy issue go, or if you need to limit yourself to relationships in your own town so you can avoid the green-eyed monster.

The “We’re on vacation” mentality

This one is a real problem for most LDRs. It’s all too easy to push-off having any unpleasant discussions or dealing with the intrusion of reality when you know your time together is limited to a certain set of days every few weeks. It’s important for the health of your heart and relationship to make sure you stay current with how you are in the moment and stop putting off day-to-day life when you are together.

Finances

There’s no doubt about it, LDRs add an element of financial strain to most budgets. Everything from needing a more comprehensive long distance and texting phone plan to the actual expense of getting from place to place or even paying for places to stay when you decide to meet in the middle. Its gets pricey. The good news, you’ll be much more aware of how this person handles finances and if they expect you to be taken care of, spilt costs or pay for everything. The bad news, finance and money is one of the main causes of divorce and relationship strain and a LDR brings it right up to the front and center ASAP.

Finding the Common Ground

When you are in a local relationship, you get to know each other through everything from discussing the day over coffee to meeting up for a daily run or watching a show together every week. There is more emotional glue in your relationship than just talking. But in a LDR, the communication (emails, calls, visits) are going to be your primary connection. TIP: Perhaps try something along the lines of watching that same show every week or reading a book together or taking lessons in the same hobby so that you can share your progress not only via phone but also have something new to do when you are together. By creating more common ground with something more fun than talking about how much you miss each other, your relationship begins to feel more real and vested.

Kids, friends and pets

Talk with each other about the expectations around being included in the other person’s world. If your LDR includes children, it’s going to be even more crucial to discuss how and when you plan to share with your kids why a certain someone keeps coming around every few weeks to take up a lot of mom or dad’s time. The great thing about a LDR is that you have more time to invest in your kids, friends and interests than you likely would by dating someone in town… so take advantage of it!

Talk about the future

You may not be used to talking about where things are going and expectations in this area, but if you are investing this kind of time and energy in cultivating a relationship with someone at a distance, you’re going to need to talk about your intentions. Does one of you intend to relocate in the near future? Are you considering marriage or long-term commitment? Do you expect to move in together if one or the other of you relocate?

Sex

Talk with each other about all aspects of this one. Are you going to try phone sex? Is your relationship open or closed? (some people are of the opinion that what the other person doesn’t know won’t hurt them…) Masturbation? Porn usage? Abstinence? When you are together… is it going to be like a honeymoon the first day or two or for the entire visit? If you are used to an active sex life, this area could present one of the larger stumbling blocks available. By talking about it non-judgmentally and honestly, you can find a place to share understanding instead of a dividing line.

Be happy

Learn to be the source of your own happiness if you haven’t already. Instead of focusing on the miserable loneliness or the distance or that they are going out with a new group of friends you don’t know, learn to create happiness apart from the presence of your partner. You may think its counter intuitive and that this new independent happiness will pull you away from your partner, but actually the opposite is true. How fun is it to talk to a Morose Mel every day on the phone? By actually being upbeat, happy and positive, your partner will look forward to talking to you more and you’ll be happier with life in general. It’s a win/win for everyone.

Whether you started off long distance or became that way during your relationship, it’s completely possible to make it work. You just need to be clear-sighted about the risk/reward ratio and have both partners AGREE that its something you are willing to invest in. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can convince her to make it work or that if he just gets how charming/sweet/smart/beautiful/sexy you are, he’ll decide he can’t live without you. Some people simply don’t think long distance is workable and you have to respect their opinion. If you are married and it comes up make sure you are both on for the challenge BEFORE you accept that job offer.

The post The Problems Of Long Distance Relationships And How To Solve Them appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568894405) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(57) "How To Love Your Parents Without Needing Their Validation" ["link"]=> string(96) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/19/how-to-love-your-parents-without-needing-their-validation/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 19 Sep 2019 10:21:15 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(60) "Personal Growthparentparentsself developmentself improvement" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3092" ["description"]=> string(563) "

I ADORE my parents with every fiber of my being. The reason I am the way I am today is because of how they loved me as a child, tolerated me as an adolescent, and how they encourage me today as a woman. I owe a lot to them and plan to spend the rest […]

The post How To Love Your Parents Without Needing Their Validation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5482) "

I ADORE my parents with every fiber of my being. The reason I am the way I am today is because of how they loved me as a child, tolerated me as an adolescent, and how they encourage me today as a woman. I owe a lot to them and plan to spend the rest of my life reciprocating their love and their emotional and material support. Experience has taught me that I can love them without needing their approval regarding everything in my life. I want to teach you how to love your parents without needing their validation.

Let’s face it: most of how we have defined ourselves is based on approval. Subconsciously or otherwise, we are the result of the positive reinforcement that someone gave us, somewhere along the way. Although it has shaped us, I’m here to tell you now that it isn’t necessary. Approval, validation, permission are all things ingrained within our DNA that alert us we’re doing something right. Growing up in a structured society, we’re all taught to carry ourselves a certain way; there are rules and regulations. And by the way, don’t you dare operate outside the edges of established propriety. I’m telling you now, as an adult, that’s bullshit.

I’m not saying become an impolite outcast and go against everything you’re taught. I’m telling you to fine-tune who you are by playing by your own rules. Is it acceptable to intentionally hurt others? No. Is it OK to get ahead by stepping all over people and taking advantage of situations? No. Is it OK to remember the important lessons you’ve been taught throughout the years and embellish them so that you can live your happiest and most fulfilled version? Absolutely, baby!

Here’s where the parental aspect of this comes in. Recently, I was chatting with an old friend who expressed to me that the only thing she cares about in this world is the approval of her parents. She pursued the career they insisted upon, and felt guilty as all hell for dating a man they didn’t believe was good enough for her. As much as she loved him, she began seeing fault in him because of the seed they planted in her head. I was asking her questions about what she wanted out of life and all she could talk about was making her parents proud. Poor girl. I thought to myself.

There’s a distinction between love and validation, and it’s a blessing of adulthood that we can pave our own paths beyond the ones our parents have held our hands and directed us to walk upon.

Lifestyle

If you grew up in a conservative household and many things were off-limits and forbidden, you probably either grew up to be curious about what you were missing out on, or remained the same. Let’s say you always wanted to celebrate Halloween but was never allowed to. If you decided to indulge in your freedom as an adult, you were probably understandably reluctant at first so as not to raise your folks’ eyebrows, or, you showed up at your first Halloween function as a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

They forbade you because they were trying to protect you. It’s up to you now. They may not agree with your choices, but they should still love you.

Career

I always say, “I do not take advice from those whose lives I do not wish to live.” I apply this to career and business advice. If you come from a family of business owners, lawyers, doctors, rocket scientist or the like, chances are they have all but insisted you carry on the tradition. Take into account how happy they are with their career choices and think of what would bring you fulfillment while you make your living. If it involves opening up your own dance studio as opposed to what you were brought up to believe you should be, then by all means, start getting your permits together to open up that studio!

I’ve been told that an average person should have around three careers in their lifetime in order to avoid burnout. If one thing doesn’t work out for you, move on to the next one. If you’re happy with your career and it’s earning you a decent living, who wouldn’t be proud of ya?

This is a tough topic to cover. Religion and spirituality are very touchy subjects, so I’ll be as gentle and quick as I can. Whatever you were forced to believe in as a youngster that didn’t feel right to you, you have the choice to dismiss as an adult. Explore other methods. There is no one correct way to go about tapping into the spiritual fulfillment all humans seek.

If you have parents or family that make it hard for you to love them, always remember this. You don’t have to like someone in order to love them. Loving from a distance is healthy and necessary sometimes. Show respect when they’re around then live your life on your terms, because if you don’t make the decisions that will ensure your happiness, who else will make them for you?

 

The post How To Love Your Parents Without Needing Their Validation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(563) "

I ADORE my parents with every fiber of my being. The reason I am the way I am today is because of how they loved me as a child, tolerated me as an adolescent, and how they encourage me today as a woman. I owe a lot to them and plan to spend the rest […]

The post How To Love Your Parents Without Needing Their Validation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5482) "

I ADORE my parents with every fiber of my being. The reason I am the way I am today is because of how they loved me as a child, tolerated me as an adolescent, and how they encourage me today as a woman. I owe a lot to them and plan to spend the rest of my life reciprocating their love and their emotional and material support. Experience has taught me that I can love them without needing their approval regarding everything in my life. I want to teach you how to love your parents without needing their validation.

Let’s face it: most of how we have defined ourselves is based on approval. Subconsciously or otherwise, we are the result of the positive reinforcement that someone gave us, somewhere along the way. Although it has shaped us, I’m here to tell you now that it isn’t necessary. Approval, validation, permission are all things ingrained within our DNA that alert us we’re doing something right. Growing up in a structured society, we’re all taught to carry ourselves a certain way; there are rules and regulations. And by the way, don’t you dare operate outside the edges of established propriety. I’m telling you now, as an adult, that’s bullshit.

I’m not saying become an impolite outcast and go against everything you’re taught. I’m telling you to fine-tune who you are by playing by your own rules. Is it acceptable to intentionally hurt others? No. Is it OK to get ahead by stepping all over people and taking advantage of situations? No. Is it OK to remember the important lessons you’ve been taught throughout the years and embellish them so that you can live your happiest and most fulfilled version? Absolutely, baby!

Here’s where the parental aspect of this comes in. Recently, I was chatting with an old friend who expressed to me that the only thing she cares about in this world is the approval of her parents. She pursued the career they insisted upon, and felt guilty as all hell for dating a man they didn’t believe was good enough for her. As much as she loved him, she began seeing fault in him because of the seed they planted in her head. I was asking her questions about what she wanted out of life and all she could talk about was making her parents proud. Poor girl. I thought to myself.

There’s a distinction between love and validation, and it’s a blessing of adulthood that we can pave our own paths beyond the ones our parents have held our hands and directed us to walk upon.

Lifestyle

If you grew up in a conservative household and many things were off-limits and forbidden, you probably either grew up to be curious about what you were missing out on, or remained the same. Let’s say you always wanted to celebrate Halloween but was never allowed to. If you decided to indulge in your freedom as an adult, you were probably understandably reluctant at first so as not to raise your folks’ eyebrows, or, you showed up at your first Halloween function as a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

They forbade you because they were trying to protect you. It’s up to you now. They may not agree with your choices, but they should still love you.

Career

I always say, “I do not take advice from those whose lives I do not wish to live.” I apply this to career and business advice. If you come from a family of business owners, lawyers, doctors, rocket scientist or the like, chances are they have all but insisted you carry on the tradition. Take into account how happy they are with their career choices and think of what would bring you fulfillment while you make your living. If it involves opening up your own dance studio as opposed to what you were brought up to believe you should be, then by all means, start getting your permits together to open up that studio!

I’ve been told that an average person should have around three careers in their lifetime in order to avoid burnout. If one thing doesn’t work out for you, move on to the next one. If you’re happy with your career and it’s earning you a decent living, who wouldn’t be proud of ya?

This is a tough topic to cover. Religion and spirituality are very touchy subjects, so I’ll be as gentle and quick as I can. Whatever you were forced to believe in as a youngster that didn’t feel right to you, you have the choice to dismiss as an adult. Explore other methods. There is no one correct way to go about tapping into the spiritual fulfillment all humans seek.

If you have parents or family that make it hard for you to love them, always remember this. You don’t have to like someone in order to love them. Loving from a distance is healthy and necessary sometimes. Show respect when they’re around then live your life on your terms, because if you don’t make the decisions that will ensure your happiness, who else will make them for you?

 

The post How To Love Your Parents Without Needing Their Validation appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568888475) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(54) "Every Time People See The “Real” Me… They Leave." ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/18/every-time-people-see-the-real-me-they-leave/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 18 Sep 2019 14:15:53 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(118) "InterestingPersonal GrowthAcceptancefakefirst datesgamesliesmenpatternsrealRejectionrelationshipsrepresentativerespect" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3088" ["description"]=> string(641) "

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” Does this sound familiar? You start dating someone, let down your guard and then they disappear? Yup. It happens. With frightening regularity. It even happens to the “beautiful” people. But if you’re seeing this as a personal pattern, can I suggest here that it’s not you that’s the […]

The post Every Time People See The “Real” Me… They Leave. appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4754) "

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Does this sound familiar? You start dating someone, let down your guard and then they disappear?

Yup. It happens. With frightening regularity. It even happens to the “beautiful” people. But if you’re seeing this as a personal pattern, can I suggest here that it’s not you that’s the problem? It’s the fake “you” that keeps hijacking your dating life.

Many daters do it… first few dates are made to showcase the best of the best. It’s like one of those annoying little dog and pony shows… all cute and cuddly with bows and ribbons, prancing and perfect training. You know it’s for show, and you applaud anyway. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Well, the same thing in dating. You show up wearing your cute/lucky/hot/whatever shirt and pull out your favorite conversational gambits, turn on the wattage and shine, shine, shine. But at some point after date 1, you want to let out the real you so you start letting down your guard. Now, here’s where the tricky part comes in… how close to the “real” you was your first date representative?

If your “real” you and your representative are in the same family, you’re probably golden. But if you’ve rejected yourself first by presenting a false bill of goods, you likely have a long history of watching the door hit one person after the other on their way out. Why? No one likes to feel like they’ve been conned… even if you didn’t do it on purpose.

Think of it like this… you buy a car and it’s all shiny and new. It’s got that new car smell. It’s still sporting temp tags on the back. You drive that baby around like you are king or queen of the world. And then it gets the first ding. Well, it had to happen at some point, right? And then something spills inside or you have a dog that sheds on the way to the running trail. Ah well, it can be cleaned up. No worries. And then you get into your first fender bender. Ouch. But you still invest in fixing, cleaning, etc. — most people don’t just sell a car when it gets the first scratch. That’s because they bought the car knowing what they were getting into.

Same with you. If you show up as a 2019 Porsche 911 and after a few dates or months reveal yourself to be a ’09 Honda Accord. There’s going to be a problem. A ’09 Honda is still a great car, but the person in the market for a new Porsche is NOT going to be happy driving a used Honda no matter how great the gas mileage is. However, if you come across as a ’17 BMW 7 series and end up being more like a ’17 BMW 5 series… most drivers are going to be able to adjust to that. That isn’t a HUGE difference. Sure one is shinier, bigger, speedier and newer than the other, but they both drive, look and feel like a BMW.

Yes, it’s okay to put your best foot forward on the first few dates. Most daters expect that. But I really de believe that what you do to catch someone is what you have to do to keep them. In my opinion, the only truly sustainable dating pattern is being as close to the real you as possible.

Let me caveat here — I’m not saying that all rejection is your fault. There are definitely times when someone rejects you because something is wrong with them (commitment issues, grass is greener syndrome, Peter Pan-itis, etc) or they just don’t think you’re a match, but if you see a pattern in your life, then you’re the common denominator and have the power to change the situation by firing your fake you and showing up as the real deal.

A few upsides to letting the “real” you out sooner:

The post Every Time People See The “Real” Me… They Leave. appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(641) "

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” Does this sound familiar? You start dating someone, let down your guard and then they disappear? Yup. It happens. With frightening regularity. It even happens to the “beautiful” people. But if you’re seeing this as a personal pattern, can I suggest here that it’s not you that’s the […]

The post Every Time People See The “Real” Me… They Leave. appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4754) "

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Does this sound familiar? You start dating someone, let down your guard and then they disappear?

Yup. It happens. With frightening regularity. It even happens to the “beautiful” people. But if you’re seeing this as a personal pattern, can I suggest here that it’s not you that’s the problem? It’s the fake “you” that keeps hijacking your dating life.

Many daters do it… first few dates are made to showcase the best of the best. It’s like one of those annoying little dog and pony shows… all cute and cuddly with bows and ribbons, prancing and perfect training. You know it’s for show, and you applaud anyway. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Well, the same thing in dating. You show up wearing your cute/lucky/hot/whatever shirt and pull out your favorite conversational gambits, turn on the wattage and shine, shine, shine. But at some point after date 1, you want to let out the real you so you start letting down your guard. Now, here’s where the tricky part comes in… how close to the “real” you was your first date representative?

If your “real” you and your representative are in the same family, you’re probably golden. But if you’ve rejected yourself first by presenting a false bill of goods, you likely have a long history of watching the door hit one person after the other on their way out. Why? No one likes to feel like they’ve been conned… even if you didn’t do it on purpose.

Think of it like this… you buy a car and it’s all shiny and new. It’s got that new car smell. It’s still sporting temp tags on the back. You drive that baby around like you are king or queen of the world. And then it gets the first ding. Well, it had to happen at some point, right? And then something spills inside or you have a dog that sheds on the way to the running trail. Ah well, it can be cleaned up. No worries. And then you get into your first fender bender. Ouch. But you still invest in fixing, cleaning, etc. — most people don’t just sell a car when it gets the first scratch. That’s because they bought the car knowing what they were getting into.

Same with you. If you show up as a 2019 Porsche 911 and after a few dates or months reveal yourself to be a ’09 Honda Accord. There’s going to be a problem. A ’09 Honda is still a great car, but the person in the market for a new Porsche is NOT going to be happy driving a used Honda no matter how great the gas mileage is. However, if you come across as a ’17 BMW 7 series and end up being more like a ’17 BMW 5 series… most drivers are going to be able to adjust to that. That isn’t a HUGE difference. Sure one is shinier, bigger, speedier and newer than the other, but they both drive, look and feel like a BMW.

Yes, it’s okay to put your best foot forward on the first few dates. Most daters expect that. But I really de believe that what you do to catch someone is what you have to do to keep them. In my opinion, the only truly sustainable dating pattern is being as close to the real you as possible.

Let me caveat here — I’m not saying that all rejection is your fault. There are definitely times when someone rejects you because something is wrong with them (commitment issues, grass is greener syndrome, Peter Pan-itis, etc) or they just don’t think you’re a match, but if you see a pattern in your life, then you’re the common denominator and have the power to change the situation by firing your fake you and showing up as the real deal.

A few upsides to letting the “real” you out sooner:

The post Every Time People See The “Real” Me… They Leave. appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568816153) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(18) "Dating a Dog Lover" ["link"]=> string(57) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/18/dating-a-dog-lover/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 18 Sep 2019 13:33:53 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(116) "Interestingadviceanimalsdealbreakersdogdog ownersdogslifelovemarriagemenpack mentalitypetsrelationshipstrainingwomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3083" ["description"]=> string(475) "

I’m a pet person. My dog and I are a bit of an item. Not in the weird, purse dog on a first date kind of way (as you can see, that would be one h*ll of a big purse) but in the, I have a dog, he’s awesome and you’d better like him too […]

The post Dating a Dog Lover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(11142) "

I’m a pet person. My dog and I are a bit of an item. Not in the weird, purse dog on a first date kind of way (as you can see, that would be one h*ll of a big purse) but in the, I have a dog, he’s awesome and you’d better like him too kind of way.

For example… if you aren’t a dog owner, you might not realize that the following things are perfectly normal when you date someone who shares life with a dog:

Pet hair.

Unless your significant other has a poodle or one of these kinds of dogs, you are going to have to learn to live with pet hair. Vacuums, lint brushes, lint rollers, and clothes the same color as your s.o.’s dog are going to become some of your boon companions if you are at all averse to wearing an exterior coat of randomly placed pet hairs. Velvet and fleece wear… not so much.

On a similar note, slobber can also be an issue especially for dogs with noses that have lip flaps (like St. Bernards, Bernese Mountain Dogs, Great Pyrenees, boxers, etc.) If you don’t want to live in Turner and Hootch world, you may want to carry a rag or catcher’s mitt with you to catch the drips before they ruin your slacks.

Note: ALWAYS check your derreire before leaving your date’s house. Hairy butt isn’t a good look for anyone.

Crotch sniffing.

Sadly. Any dog higher than your knee is going to be overly fond of investigating your most private parts. If you’re a fan of going commando in a mini-skirt… don’t say I didn’t warn you. At times, this may be accompanied by “humping.” Rest assured, your date’s dog isn’t trying to beat your date to the punch… rather, the dog is asserting that it’s higher in the “pack” than you. If you or your s.o. don’t agree with the dog’s assessment of your rank or the continual goosing, call Captain Trainer Man to get the job done.

Understand the “Pack.”

Dogs have a pack mentality. Watch the “dog whisperer” Cesar Millan on one of his shows… he talks about it all the time. But basically… you and your s.o. need to agree on where you are in the pack and then let the dog know so you are all in agreement with who’s boss. Note: If your significant other determines that you are, in fact, below the dog in pack hierarchy… you may want to consider dating a cat person instead.

If you’re dating/married to someone who doesn’t believe in dog training… well, I’m sorry.

Get ready for a life of dogs gone wild (and know that your date is likely to let kids walk all over him/her as well.) Climbing on tables, counters, laps, beds, aggressive guarding behaviors, incessant barking, embarrassing dog encounters… it’ll all be a way of life with the untrained dog and owner. If you step in and try to discipline or remove the dog from *your* pillow without your date’s approval or encouragement, it’s going to be a bad day for both you and the dog.

Dogs fall in the middle of the neediness spectrum.

Babies need more attention, cats need less… and if your date is telling you that he needs to be home in the morning to let out the dog, he isn’t lying (unless he has a dog door and fenced yard.) I don’t know anyone (dog OR owner) who enjoys living in a house where “accidents” regularly happen due to owner negligence.

Some dog owners tend to include their dogs in conversation.

I know it may seem weird to be talking on the phone and all of the sudden realize that your girlfriend is not, in fact, talking to you, but rather snuckums or the dog (personally, I’d just be glad that it’s the dog’s moniker and not the one she gave you — snuckums is embarrassing enough in private much less a public slip of the tongue.) Rest assured, it’s pretty normal and not anything to get peeved about unless it happens so much that you wonder why she called you in the first place when it’s obvious that she’s more interested in talking to the dog.

In the same vein, dogs are capable of learning

(as far as humans know) between 200-250 words, so when your date starts spelling… it’s usually for more than spelling bee practice. For example, if I say “squirrel” or even “Squ-ah” Dylan goes to look out the window or up into the nearest tree. If we’re in a closed room and I say “squirrel!” he looks at me like I’m an idiot and does nothing more than cock his ears. I’ve learned to spell everything from “walk” and “dog park” to “squirrel” and “frisbee” unless I want him bouncing around like a pogo stick on crack.

Dogs do tend to pick favorites

and if a dog doesn’t like you, it may be a short road for you with its owner. Most of us have learned to trust dog instinct over the years. Whether the dog is overly friendly (like mine) or very selective, an owner tends to pay attention to what his/her dog thinks of a new person. Some tips for avoiding negative initial reaction…

If you don’t like your date’s dog, DO NOT SAY SO!

Most dog owners are as particular about dog criticism as they would be baby criticism. If you have allergies or dog phobias, you’re going to have to find a way to deal with them until you and your date decide that you might be a long-term item. At that point, if you’re still having problems… you may need to bring up how to find a compromise or solution. Asking someone if they would give up their pet for you before you’ve determined compatibility is a quick way to get voted off the island. And p.s. if you really don’t like dogs that much — why are you dating a dog owner?

Dog owners fall somewhere between pets as people and pets as animal when it comes to how they treat their dog

By that I mean, you may be dating a hunter who kennels his dogs outside and rarely lets them inside the house. His attitude is about as different from the purse dog girl as you can get. A word to the wise… If he doesn’t like dogs in the house and she thinks a dog needs seasonal collars and its own pillow on your bed… it’s going to be a long road of misunderstanding and anger unless there is significant conversation and compromise.

You may find yourself doing a lot more outdoor activity with dog in tow.

Everything from kayaking (my dog is a great mast-head) and hiking to dog parks and dog parties. Americans love to take their dogs along for the ride. (Even if it’s just down to the corner store and back.) But if you feel like you’re in a threesome, let your date know that you need time away from dog breath.

When you win over your date’s dog, there is a certain thrill of accomplishment (sometimes for your date as well.)

It’s perfectly normal to become completely attached to *your* dog at this point.

As for cat people dating dog people.

It’s totally possible. I’ve had both and been fortunate enough that my dog doesn’t view kitties as a lunchable, but if you are a cat person… LISTEN to your date if he/she says their dog isn’t good with cats. Sometimes it’s hard to conceive that your pets may not like each other as much as you do, but you really don’t want to remember him as the guy whose dog tried to eat your beloved Fluffy.

Offering to dog-sit may seem like an easy way to show you care,

but don’t do it until you’re familiar with the dog in question or really know your way around a dog. You wouldn’t believe all the things that can go wrong for the uninitiated. Home Alone never looked so good…

Dogs are fun.

I know that I’ve shared mostly warnings for the dog newbie in this post, but that’s because I know it can be a huge adjustment for a non-dog person and some of the points listed are biggies in causing arguments and rifts in a new relationship. But I wouldn’t be nearly as happy without a dog in my life… he’s the best when it comes to offering comfort when I’m not feeling so well, he’s always happy to see me, he makes people around me feel incredibly loved, he lets me take care of him and love on him, he reminds me to find joy in each and every day… there are so many ways he’s made my life better.

There are all kinds of websites aimed at dating for dog owners… putting it pretty firmly in a special needs dating niche. I agree in some ways. I think it would be really hard to date someone who not only hated dogs but hated mine in particular. That being said, with communication and understanding, I think a lot of things are possible for a dater willing to look outside the preconceived deal-breaker box.

The post Dating a Dog Lover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(475) "

I’m a pet person. My dog and I are a bit of an item. Not in the weird, purse dog on a first date kind of way (as you can see, that would be one h*ll of a big purse) but in the, I have a dog, he’s awesome and you’d better like him too […]

The post Dating a Dog Lover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(11142) "

I’m a pet person. My dog and I are a bit of an item. Not in the weird, purse dog on a first date kind of way (as you can see, that would be one h*ll of a big purse) but in the, I have a dog, he’s awesome and you’d better like him too kind of way.

For example… if you aren’t a dog owner, you might not realize that the following things are perfectly normal when you date someone who shares life with a dog:

Pet hair.

Unless your significant other has a poodle or one of these kinds of dogs, you are going to have to learn to live with pet hair. Vacuums, lint brushes, lint rollers, and clothes the same color as your s.o.’s dog are going to become some of your boon companions if you are at all averse to wearing an exterior coat of randomly placed pet hairs. Velvet and fleece wear… not so much.

On a similar note, slobber can also be an issue especially for dogs with noses that have lip flaps (like St. Bernards, Bernese Mountain Dogs, Great Pyrenees, boxers, etc.) If you don’t want to live in Turner and Hootch world, you may want to carry a rag or catcher’s mitt with you to catch the drips before they ruin your slacks.

Note: ALWAYS check your derreire before leaving your date’s house. Hairy butt isn’t a good look for anyone.

Crotch sniffing.

Sadly. Any dog higher than your knee is going to be overly fond of investigating your most private parts. If you’re a fan of going commando in a mini-skirt… don’t say I didn’t warn you. At times, this may be accompanied by “humping.” Rest assured, your date’s dog isn’t trying to beat your date to the punch… rather, the dog is asserting that it’s higher in the “pack” than you. If you or your s.o. don’t agree with the dog’s assessment of your rank or the continual goosing, call Captain Trainer Man to get the job done.

Understand the “Pack.”

Dogs have a pack mentality. Watch the “dog whisperer” Cesar Millan on one of his shows… he talks about it all the time. But basically… you and your s.o. need to agree on where you are in the pack and then let the dog know so you are all in agreement with who’s boss. Note: If your significant other determines that you are, in fact, below the dog in pack hierarchy… you may want to consider dating a cat person instead.

If you’re dating/married to someone who doesn’t believe in dog training… well, I’m sorry.

Get ready for a life of dogs gone wild (and know that your date is likely to let kids walk all over him/her as well.) Climbing on tables, counters, laps, beds, aggressive guarding behaviors, incessant barking, embarrassing dog encounters… it’ll all be a way of life with the untrained dog and owner. If you step in and try to discipline or remove the dog from *your* pillow without your date’s approval or encouragement, it’s going to be a bad day for both you and the dog.

Dogs fall in the middle of the neediness spectrum.

Babies need more attention, cats need less… and if your date is telling you that he needs to be home in the morning to let out the dog, he isn’t lying (unless he has a dog door and fenced yard.) I don’t know anyone (dog OR owner) who enjoys living in a house where “accidents” regularly happen due to owner negligence.

Some dog owners tend to include their dogs in conversation.

I know it may seem weird to be talking on the phone and all of the sudden realize that your girlfriend is not, in fact, talking to you, but rather snuckums or the dog (personally, I’d just be glad that it’s the dog’s moniker and not the one she gave you — snuckums is embarrassing enough in private much less a public slip of the tongue.) Rest assured, it’s pretty normal and not anything to get peeved about unless it happens so much that you wonder why she called you in the first place when it’s obvious that she’s more interested in talking to the dog.

In the same vein, dogs are capable of learning

(as far as humans know) between 200-250 words, so when your date starts spelling… it’s usually for more than spelling bee practice. For example, if I say “squirrel” or even “Squ-ah” Dylan goes to look out the window or up into the nearest tree. If we’re in a closed room and I say “squirrel!” he looks at me like I’m an idiot and does nothing more than cock his ears. I’ve learned to spell everything from “walk” and “dog park” to “squirrel” and “frisbee” unless I want him bouncing around like a pogo stick on crack.

Dogs do tend to pick favorites

and if a dog doesn’t like you, it may be a short road for you with its owner. Most of us have learned to trust dog instinct over the years. Whether the dog is overly friendly (like mine) or very selective, an owner tends to pay attention to what his/her dog thinks of a new person. Some tips for avoiding negative initial reaction…

If you don’t like your date’s dog, DO NOT SAY SO!

Most dog owners are as particular about dog criticism as they would be baby criticism. If you have allergies or dog phobias, you’re going to have to find a way to deal with them until you and your date decide that you might be a long-term item. At that point, if you’re still having problems… you may need to bring up how to find a compromise or solution. Asking someone if they would give up their pet for you before you’ve determined compatibility is a quick way to get voted off the island. And p.s. if you really don’t like dogs that much — why are you dating a dog owner?

Dog owners fall somewhere between pets as people and pets as animal when it comes to how they treat their dog

By that I mean, you may be dating a hunter who kennels his dogs outside and rarely lets them inside the house. His attitude is about as different from the purse dog girl as you can get. A word to the wise… If he doesn’t like dogs in the house and she thinks a dog needs seasonal collars and its own pillow on your bed… it’s going to be a long road of misunderstanding and anger unless there is significant conversation and compromise.

You may find yourself doing a lot more outdoor activity with dog in tow.

Everything from kayaking (my dog is a great mast-head) and hiking to dog parks and dog parties. Americans love to take their dogs along for the ride. (Even if it’s just down to the corner store and back.) But if you feel like you’re in a threesome, let your date know that you need time away from dog breath.

When you win over your date’s dog, there is a certain thrill of accomplishment (sometimes for your date as well.)

It’s perfectly normal to become completely attached to *your* dog at this point.

As for cat people dating dog people.

It’s totally possible. I’ve had both and been fortunate enough that my dog doesn’t view kitties as a lunchable, but if you are a cat person… LISTEN to your date if he/she says their dog isn’t good with cats. Sometimes it’s hard to conceive that your pets may not like each other as much as you do, but you really don’t want to remember him as the guy whose dog tried to eat your beloved Fluffy.

Offering to dog-sit may seem like an easy way to show you care,

but don’t do it until you’re familiar with the dog in question or really know your way around a dog. You wouldn’t believe all the things that can go wrong for the uninitiated. Home Alone never looked so good…

Dogs are fun.

I know that I’ve shared mostly warnings for the dog newbie in this post, but that’s because I know it can be a huge adjustment for a non-dog person and some of the points listed are biggies in causing arguments and rifts in a new relationship. But I wouldn’t be nearly as happy without a dog in my life… he’s the best when it comes to offering comfort when I’m not feeling so well, he’s always happy to see me, he makes people around me feel incredibly loved, he lets me take care of him and love on him, he reminds me to find joy in each and every day… there are so many ways he’s made my life better.

There are all kinds of websites aimed at dating for dog owners… putting it pretty firmly in a special needs dating niche. I agree in some ways. I think it would be really hard to date someone who not only hated dogs but hated mine in particular. That being said, with communication and understanding, I think a lot of things are possible for a dater willing to look outside the preconceived deal-breaker box.

The post Dating a Dog Lover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568813633) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(38) "3 Ways to Bounce Back After a Break Up" ["link"]=> string(77) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/17/3-ways-to-bounce-back-after-a-break-up/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Sep 2019 14:20:33 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(50) "Dating Issuesbreak upbreakupscheatingrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3064" ["description"]=> string(552) "

Break ups can be one of the most challenging things to deal with. In many ways, they can make you feel like your life has come to a screeching stop. Here are 3 simple things you can do to bounce back after a break up. Did you recognize the signs your girlfriend is cheating or […]

The post 3 Ways to Bounce Back After a Break Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4490) "

Break ups can be one of the most challenging things to deal with. In many ways, they can make you feel like your life has come to a screeching stop. Here are 3 simple things you can do to bounce back after a break up.

Did you recognize the signs your girlfriend is cheating or what is worse did you just get dumped and you’re feeling a bit down?

First, of all I want you to know that I’ve been there myself, and even though the pain you’re experiencing may seem unbearable, you’re not alone in all this.

But how can you get back on your feet and enjoy life again when it’s nearly impossible to keep yourself together through the day?

Well, here are three things that can help you bounce back after a break up.

1. First, Cut All Contact with Your Ex.

It’s going to really slow down your healing if you are constantly in touch with your ex.  Those wounds will just get reopen every time you two fight or you find out some news about how they are dating someone already.

Give yourself a real chance to recover by cutting your ex out of your life, at least for now.  A good rule of thumb is to stay away from them for about one month.

I understand that you may not be able to cut all contact with your ex, especially if the two of you work together or go to school together.  If that’s the case, limit the contact as much as possible and keep it strictly professional.

2. Second, Realize This Comes From You

There’s no doubt about it, these negative feelings you’re going through are coming from YOU.  If you’re feeling bad right now, it is because you are focusing your mind on the negative parts of life.

You could just as easily focus on the positive things in life.  You’re healthy, you’ve got a job to help you pay the bills, you’ve got some friends.  There really is no shortage of things to be grateful and happy about if you really look for them.

All it takes is a simple change in your thinking and you can lift yourself from the depths of despair to actually feeling good about life again.

3. Third, Focus on Yourself

Okay, so maybe you can understand that what you focus your mind on creates your emotions, but it sure can be difficult to control what you focus your mind on, especially during a break up (isn’t that an understatement!).

Well, what you need to do is focus on yourself for now. 

Do some things that make YOU happy.  Now is a great time to dust off those French textbooks you’ve got gathering dust on your bookshelf and start learning again.  Now is the perfect opportunity for you to learn how to salsa dance, just like you’ve been meaning to for awhile now.  And now is the best time to get out of your comfort zone and start making some new friends.

As you make progress and improve yourself, this will undoubtedly help you with your feelings of confidence.  The better you get, the better you’ll feel about yourself and your life again.

This is probably one of the best ways to rebuild your confidence after it’s been shattered to pieces from a break up.

The bottom line is that a break up can be extremely challenging, but if you choose to, you can make this the beginning of one of the most positive times in your life.  Stop and reflect on your life and take action to move it in the direction you’ve always wanted to take it in.  All it takes is one small step at a time and you’ll find that your days start to become brighter and happier again before too long.

The post 3 Ways to Bounce Back After a Break Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(552) "

Break ups can be one of the most challenging things to deal with. In many ways, they can make you feel like your life has come to a screeching stop. Here are 3 simple things you can do to bounce back after a break up. Did you recognize the signs your girlfriend is cheating or […]

The post 3 Ways to Bounce Back After a Break Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4490) "

Break ups can be one of the most challenging things to deal with. In many ways, they can make you feel like your life has come to a screeching stop. Here are 3 simple things you can do to bounce back after a break up.

Did you recognize the signs your girlfriend is cheating or what is worse did you just get dumped and you’re feeling a bit down?

First, of all I want you to know that I’ve been there myself, and even though the pain you’re experiencing may seem unbearable, you’re not alone in all this.

But how can you get back on your feet and enjoy life again when it’s nearly impossible to keep yourself together through the day?

Well, here are three things that can help you bounce back after a break up.

1. First, Cut All Contact with Your Ex.

It’s going to really slow down your healing if you are constantly in touch with your ex.  Those wounds will just get reopen every time you two fight or you find out some news about how they are dating someone already.

Give yourself a real chance to recover by cutting your ex out of your life, at least for now.  A good rule of thumb is to stay away from them for about one month.

I understand that you may not be able to cut all contact with your ex, especially if the two of you work together or go to school together.  If that’s the case, limit the contact as much as possible and keep it strictly professional.

2. Second, Realize This Comes From You

There’s no doubt about it, these negative feelings you’re going through are coming from YOU.  If you’re feeling bad right now, it is because you are focusing your mind on the negative parts of life.

You could just as easily focus on the positive things in life.  You’re healthy, you’ve got a job to help you pay the bills, you’ve got some friends.  There really is no shortage of things to be grateful and happy about if you really look for them.

All it takes is a simple change in your thinking and you can lift yourself from the depths of despair to actually feeling good about life again.

3. Third, Focus on Yourself

Okay, so maybe you can understand that what you focus your mind on creates your emotions, but it sure can be difficult to control what you focus your mind on, especially during a break up (isn’t that an understatement!).

Well, what you need to do is focus on yourself for now. 

Do some things that make YOU happy.  Now is a great time to dust off those French textbooks you’ve got gathering dust on your bookshelf and start learning again.  Now is the perfect opportunity for you to learn how to salsa dance, just like you’ve been meaning to for awhile now.  And now is the best time to get out of your comfort zone and start making some new friends.

As you make progress and improve yourself, this will undoubtedly help you with your feelings of confidence.  The better you get, the better you’ll feel about yourself and your life again.

This is probably one of the best ways to rebuild your confidence after it’s been shattered to pieces from a break up.

The bottom line is that a break up can be extremely challenging, but if you choose to, you can make this the beginning of one of the most positive times in your life.  Stop and reflect on your life and take action to move it in the direction you’ve always wanted to take it in.  All it takes is one small step at a time and you’ll find that your days start to become brighter and happier again before too long.

The post 3 Ways to Bounce Back After a Break Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568730033) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(56) "What Is Considered Cheating in Marriage And Relationship" ["link"]=> string(66) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/17/what-is-considered-cheating/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Sep 2019 13:37:54 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(64) "Dating Issuesadvicebreak upbreaking upbreakupscheatrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3055" ["description"]=> string(626) "

Are you asking yourself if what you did is considered cheating? If so, the answer is probably yes. I’ve gotten into some interesting discussions with people about what is and is not cheating. If you’re having trouble determining what constitutes cheating (or not really wanting to get real with yourself that, yes, you’re a cheater) ask […]

The post What Is Considered Cheating in Marriage And Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7743) "

Are you asking yourself if what you did is considered cheating? If so, the answer is probably yes.

I’ve gotten into some interesting discussions with people about what is and is not cheating. If you’re having trouble determining what constitutes cheating (or not really wanting to get real with yourself that, yes, you’re a cheater) ask yourself the following two questions:

  1. Am I trying to keep my actions secret from my partner?
  2. Would I be upset if my partner did the same thing to me?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, the answer is HIGHLY likely that yes, you’re cheating.

We all have different standards of fidelity and it’s crucial to discuss with your significant other what “cheating” really means in your relationship. For example, I interviewed a girl a few years back on whether or not she had ever cheated. She said nope, never cheated. I asked her how she defined cheating and she replied… “Well, you know, the obvious. Sex with someone else.” I then asked her if she’d ever been cheated on and she said no.

A few weeks later, I interviewed her ex-boyfriend and asked him the same question. He replied that yes, he had cheated in the past but not in a long time since he learned how much it can hurt someone else. I then asked him the same question about defining cheating. He replied, “Something that you know your partner would be upset to find out about. Something you are trying to hide from them.” Since that was rather ambiguous, I asked about specific actions that he considered cheating and he started pulling out stories. Including one from the ex-girlfriend that I had interviewed a few weeks earlier. He included things like secret phone calls, not so innocent lunches, and when you cultivated a relationship with someone else while still in a relationship.

I got the feeling that he’d done a lot of thinking about this subject. The interesting thing to me is that his ex claimed she had “never cheated” but he cataloged her cultivating a relationship with her next boyfriend before their breakup as “cheating.” I then asked him if the people who had done those things felt like they had “cheated.” And I got a torrent of anger over how they excused their actions, didn’t think they’d done anything wrong, never even apologized, etc.

So obviously, he and his ex had different definitions of cheating. Ultimately, I agree with the guy on much of what he considers cheating. And because I know that my cheating standards may not fit the cultural norm, I’m pretty upfront about it in the first few months of a relationship. If you’re being sneaky, there is a good chance I’m going to agree that… yes, you do have a reason to run and hide!

That being said, I know a LOT of people who identify more with the ex-girlfriend in the above example. It’s the actual act of sex and nothing else that constitutes cheating. I even know people who feel that you can’t cheat before marriage. That if you’re dating, even if it’s exclusive, then you aren’t a cheater because it’s not marriage. (Seriously?)

So basically, I think the best rule of thumb is to discuss your expectations of fidelity up front and agree to what the “rules” are for your relationship. That pretty much kills the ambiguity and justification. If you know you’re breaking a rule, then you know that you are, indeed, cheating.

The areas and questions you can explore together:

As for the whole question of “do I say anything?”… that’s a huge and very debated subject. I like what Henry Cloud said in one of his books about if there is deceit, then there is no relationship. It may hurt to hear and share, but I think both parties need all the information in order to make their own decision about what they plan to do. If you hide your infidelity, then not only do you live with the guilt and secret, you steal from your partner the ability to make the decision to love you anyway, find someone who they can trust to keep their commitments or something in between.

**If you know that cheating has happened and want to know more about how to categorize it and if your relationship can survive… read here.**

The post What Is Considered Cheating in Marriage And Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(626) "

Are you asking yourself if what you did is considered cheating? If so, the answer is probably yes. I’ve gotten into some interesting discussions with people about what is and is not cheating. If you’re having trouble determining what constitutes cheating (or not really wanting to get real with yourself that, yes, you’re a cheater) ask […]

The post What Is Considered Cheating in Marriage And Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7743) "

Are you asking yourself if what you did is considered cheating? If so, the answer is probably yes.

I’ve gotten into some interesting discussions with people about what is and is not cheating. If you’re having trouble determining what constitutes cheating (or not really wanting to get real with yourself that, yes, you’re a cheater) ask yourself the following two questions:

  1. Am I trying to keep my actions secret from my partner?
  2. Would I be upset if my partner did the same thing to me?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, the answer is HIGHLY likely that yes, you’re cheating.

We all have different standards of fidelity and it’s crucial to discuss with your significant other what “cheating” really means in your relationship. For example, I interviewed a girl a few years back on whether or not she had ever cheated. She said nope, never cheated. I asked her how she defined cheating and she replied… “Well, you know, the obvious. Sex with someone else.” I then asked her if she’d ever been cheated on and she said no.

A few weeks later, I interviewed her ex-boyfriend and asked him the same question. He replied that yes, he had cheated in the past but not in a long time since he learned how much it can hurt someone else. I then asked him the same question about defining cheating. He replied, “Something that you know your partner would be upset to find out about. Something you are trying to hide from them.” Since that was rather ambiguous, I asked about specific actions that he considered cheating and he started pulling out stories. Including one from the ex-girlfriend that I had interviewed a few weeks earlier. He included things like secret phone calls, not so innocent lunches, and when you cultivated a relationship with someone else while still in a relationship.

I got the feeling that he’d done a lot of thinking about this subject. The interesting thing to me is that his ex claimed she had “never cheated” but he cataloged her cultivating a relationship with her next boyfriend before their breakup as “cheating.” I then asked him if the people who had done those things felt like they had “cheated.” And I got a torrent of anger over how they excused their actions, didn’t think they’d done anything wrong, never even apologized, etc.

So obviously, he and his ex had different definitions of cheating. Ultimately, I agree with the guy on much of what he considers cheating. And because I know that my cheating standards may not fit the cultural norm, I’m pretty upfront about it in the first few months of a relationship. If you’re being sneaky, there is a good chance I’m going to agree that… yes, you do have a reason to run and hide!

That being said, I know a LOT of people who identify more with the ex-girlfriend in the above example. It’s the actual act of sex and nothing else that constitutes cheating. I even know people who feel that you can’t cheat before marriage. That if you’re dating, even if it’s exclusive, then you aren’t a cheater because it’s not marriage. (Seriously?)

So basically, I think the best rule of thumb is to discuss your expectations of fidelity up front and agree to what the “rules” are for your relationship. That pretty much kills the ambiguity and justification. If you know you’re breaking a rule, then you know that you are, indeed, cheating.

The areas and questions you can explore together:

As for the whole question of “do I say anything?”… that’s a huge and very debated subject. I like what Henry Cloud said in one of his books about if there is deceit, then there is no relationship. It may hurt to hear and share, but I think both parties need all the information in order to make their own decision about what they plan to do. If you hide your infidelity, then not only do you live with the guilt and secret, you steal from your partner the ability to make the decision to love you anyway, find someone who they can trust to keep their commitments or something in between.

**If you know that cheating has happened and want to know more about how to categorize it and if your relationship can survive… read here.**

The post What Is Considered Cheating in Marriage And Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568727474) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(23) "How To Date Black Women" ["link"]=> string(64) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/17/how-to-date-a-black-women/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Sep 2019 12:49:48 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(59) "Dating Adviceblack womendatinginterracialrelationshipswomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3048" ["description"]=> string(544) "

I often get asked from my friends “how to date black women” or “how to date thai girls”. Because I am a dating expert and have been around a time or two, they see me as a serial dater. If you’re looking to meet thai singles, click the following link to compare the best thai […]

The post How To Date Black Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3686) "

I often get asked from my friends “how to date black women” or “how to date thai girls”. Because I am a dating expert and have been around a time or two, they see me as a serial dater. If you’re looking to meet thai singles, click the following link to compare the best thai dating sites through my personal experience. Keep on reading about what I said when they asked me how to date a black women.

Dating black women is almost like dating any other kind of women. I have been around the block or two and have dated all kinds of women: from different races, attitudes, religions, and backgrounds. I can tell you that if you are to approach a black women in a bar or somewhere on the street, you should follow these 3 tips so that you do not get shot down. Keep these tips handy because by the end of this article, you’ll know how to date a black women.

Keep It Simple

Let me say it plainly and as simple as I can: by keeping it simple, you’ll overcome all the fluff and crap that you do not have to deal with. Just be straight to the point and say: “Hey are you free on Friday?” or “Do you want to grab some drinks?” By being direct and straight to the point, you’ll show your intentions right away and give off the impression that you want to take this girl out. Girls can definitely cue in when you are nervous and not smooth, so if you have to practice it in front of the mirror, or even to a stranger on the street, then do so.

Do not try to over compensate what so ever. If you are not black, do not try to “act black” just to get her attention. If you want to learn how to date a black women, remember this. Being yourself is key and this is how we’ll segue into the next tip.

Be Genuine

The last thing any black women wants is a fake and phony guy. Being comfortable in your own skin and being confident is all you really need. If you are confident and comfortable then you can give it your all when meeting a black woman. By being genuine and true, you open it up for her to also be true and genuine. If you are going to put up walls and try to be fake, you will not get anywhere.

Being true to yourself and to her will save you time and even embarrassment. If the topic comes up and she asks you if you ever dated a black woman before, tell the truth. If you have not, it is totally ok to just say you haven’t and the reason why. This will lead us into the next tip.

Be Truthful

Nobody will appreciate a liar. By being truthful and open minded, you will be more comfortable around your date and will be more fun. Do not treat your date differently because you have never been on a date with a black woman. If you notice all these tips mentioned above can apply to women of any race. The reason why is because it really does not matter what their race is, as long as you are both open minded, you can date anyone. So you really do not need to know how to date black girls, but just all women.

The post How To Date Black Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(544) "

I often get asked from my friends “how to date black women” or “how to date thai girls”. Because I am a dating expert and have been around a time or two, they see me as a serial dater. If you’re looking to meet thai singles, click the following link to compare the best thai […]

The post How To Date Black Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3686) "

I often get asked from my friends “how to date black women” or “how to date thai girls”. Because I am a dating expert and have been around a time or two, they see me as a serial dater. If you’re looking to meet thai singles, click the following link to compare the best thai dating sites through my personal experience. Keep on reading about what I said when they asked me how to date a black women.

Dating black women is almost like dating any other kind of women. I have been around the block or two and have dated all kinds of women: from different races, attitudes, religions, and backgrounds. I can tell you that if you are to approach a black women in a bar or somewhere on the street, you should follow these 3 tips so that you do not get shot down. Keep these tips handy because by the end of this article, you’ll know how to date a black women.

Keep It Simple

Let me say it plainly and as simple as I can: by keeping it simple, you’ll overcome all the fluff and crap that you do not have to deal with. Just be straight to the point and say: “Hey are you free on Friday?” or “Do you want to grab some drinks?” By being direct and straight to the point, you’ll show your intentions right away and give off the impression that you want to take this girl out. Girls can definitely cue in when you are nervous and not smooth, so if you have to practice it in front of the mirror, or even to a stranger on the street, then do so.

Do not try to over compensate what so ever. If you are not black, do not try to “act black” just to get her attention. If you want to learn how to date a black women, remember this. Being yourself is key and this is how we’ll segue into the next tip.

Be Genuine

The last thing any black women wants is a fake and phony guy. Being comfortable in your own skin and being confident is all you really need. If you are confident and comfortable then you can give it your all when meeting a black woman. By being genuine and true, you open it up for her to also be true and genuine. If you are going to put up walls and try to be fake, you will not get anywhere.

Being true to yourself and to her will save you time and even embarrassment. If the topic comes up and she asks you if you ever dated a black woman before, tell the truth. If you have not, it is totally ok to just say you haven’t and the reason why. This will lead us into the next tip.

Be Truthful

Nobody will appreciate a liar. By being truthful and open minded, you will be more comfortable around your date and will be more fun. Do not treat your date differently because you have never been on a date with a black woman. If you notice all these tips mentioned above can apply to women of any race. The reason why is because it really does not matter what their race is, as long as you are both open minded, you can date anyone. So you really do not need to know how to date black girls, but just all women.

The post How To Date Black Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568724588) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(55) "How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude?" ["link"]=> string(92) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/17/how-to-date-with-extra-weight-do-you-have-a-fattitude/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Sep 2019 12:33:03 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann" } ["category"]=> string(145) "Dating Issuesaccountabilityattitudeattractionbody languageCulturedatingfatfattitudefithealthlifemenoverweightrelationshipsself-esteemsupportwomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3045" ["description"]=> string(647) "

We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing […]

The post How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing you.” Simply put, I don’t agree with the gurus. I think we are all a work in progress our entire lives. If you wait for “perfection,” you’re going to be alone for a long time.

Weight, fat, fitness, health… it’s a component that’s hard to overlook. And I don’t think you should. A lot of times, weight — either over or under optimal — indicates overall health. But not always. Most people are on a continuum between “biggest loser” and “I’ve given up.” The important thing is to be as far away from the “I’ve given up” extreme as possible. The closer you are to overcoming your mental challenges and attitude around weight loss, the more attractive you’re going to be to your date of choice whether you’ve attained “skinny” or not. A “fattitude” can really slow you down.

I’m consistently reading and hearing things like, “If you’re overweight you’ll never find someone good so just eat right, exercise and lose the weight!” Well, from someone who’s dealt with weight issues, there is nothing more frustrating than having a skinny person blithely throw off advice like “just lose the weight.” I even had a guy I’d just met tell me, when I was at my heaviest, that the only thing I needed to change was my eating habits and I would find a great guy. I pondered this for about 3 seconds and queried, “So, I’m eating about 1200 cal a day off the American Heart Association’s and nutritionist’s recommended list and work out 8x a week — 4 with a trainer. Do you have any other suggestions since I seem to be fresh out of ideas?”

Yes, I was mad. And snippy.

Especially since it took me 4 doctors and 5 long years of people assuming it was a diet and exercise thing before a specialist figured out the problem and got me on the right track. Less than a year later, I’m down 5 sizes and back into my old clothes. Same food. Same exercise. All it was, was a case of misplaced hormones.

I tell you that story, not to give you an excuse to sit on your butt and eat bon bons and blame your hormones, but to tell you that I’m not just another skinny person talking about what to do when you’re trying to date with extra weight on you. It can be challenging, frustrating and disheartening. And for the first 2 years of hormone wackadoodleness I fell victim to the lie that I had to get back to skinny before I would find a “good” person. Sad for me, since I missed out on some great dating years by being focused on the wrong things.

If you only get one thing out of this post, it’s this:

You do not have to be perfect to find the perfect person for you.

Quoting Elena Lynn, a relationship coach:

i’ve noticed that despite a weight fluctuation of 60 pounds between thinnest and fattest, it’s never made any difference in dating/sex life. the difference is entirely in *me* – if I wallow in worry, I either become less attractive or I don’t notice/believe when people are attracted. If I don’t worry and just be confident and fun and interested and enthusiastic, he doesn’t seem to notice fat.

OTOH [on the other hand] fat is something other people can see, right away, so anyone who is not attracted to me when I’m heavier isn’t going to come into my radar anyway – it’s not like he won’t see it and then be shocked when we get naked. Besides, clothes are visually fattening and make you feel fat, so the best thing to do is get naked. And get a great bra for when you can’t be naked!

Having a fat attitude (fattitude) can be one of the greatest dating deterrents because potential dates catch onto your negative self-propaganda and believe it too. (This can also happen to the “skinny girls” who myopically focus on pounds and perception. I never saw so much “fattitude” as when I lived in LA amongst all the — literally — starving artists.)

A few indicators that you may be projecting a “fattitude:”

A few tried and true tips to adjust your fattitude:

The post How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing […]

The post How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(9842) "

We all know that everything from chemistry to compatibility come into the picture of defining the “whole package” for most people. Frankly, it’s easy for a dating “guru” or “expert” to suggest that you have to get it all into shape before you’ll be considered ready to date. After all, it brings them business in “fixing you.” Simply put, I don’t agree with the gurus. I think we are all a work in progress our entire lives. If you wait for “perfection,” you’re going to be alone for a long time.

Weight, fat, fitness, health… it’s a component that’s hard to overlook. And I don’t think you should. A lot of times, weight — either over or under optimal — indicates overall health. But not always. Most people are on a continuum between “biggest loser” and “I’ve given up.” The important thing is to be as far away from the “I’ve given up” extreme as possible. The closer you are to overcoming your mental challenges and attitude around weight loss, the more attractive you’re going to be to your date of choice whether you’ve attained “skinny” or not. A “fattitude” can really slow you down.

I’m consistently reading and hearing things like, “If you’re overweight you’ll never find someone good so just eat right, exercise and lose the weight!” Well, from someone who’s dealt with weight issues, there is nothing more frustrating than having a skinny person blithely throw off advice like “just lose the weight.” I even had a guy I’d just met tell me, when I was at my heaviest, that the only thing I needed to change was my eating habits and I would find a great guy. I pondered this for about 3 seconds and queried, “So, I’m eating about 1200 cal a day off the American Heart Association’s and nutritionist’s recommended list and work out 8x a week — 4 with a trainer. Do you have any other suggestions since I seem to be fresh out of ideas?”

Yes, I was mad. And snippy.

Especially since it took me 4 doctors and 5 long years of people assuming it was a diet and exercise thing before a specialist figured out the problem and got me on the right track. Less than a year later, I’m down 5 sizes and back into my old clothes. Same food. Same exercise. All it was, was a case of misplaced hormones.

I tell you that story, not to give you an excuse to sit on your butt and eat bon bons and blame your hormones, but to tell you that I’m not just another skinny person talking about what to do when you’re trying to date with extra weight on you. It can be challenging, frustrating and disheartening. And for the first 2 years of hormone wackadoodleness I fell victim to the lie that I had to get back to skinny before I would find a “good” person. Sad for me, since I missed out on some great dating years by being focused on the wrong things.

If you only get one thing out of this post, it’s this:

You do not have to be perfect to find the perfect person for you.

Quoting Elena Lynn, a relationship coach:

i’ve noticed that despite a weight fluctuation of 60 pounds between thinnest and fattest, it’s never made any difference in dating/sex life. the difference is entirely in *me* – if I wallow in worry, I either become less attractive or I don’t notice/believe when people are attracted. If I don’t worry and just be confident and fun and interested and enthusiastic, he doesn’t seem to notice fat.

OTOH [on the other hand] fat is something other people can see, right away, so anyone who is not attracted to me when I’m heavier isn’t going to come into my radar anyway – it’s not like he won’t see it and then be shocked when we get naked. Besides, clothes are visually fattening and make you feel fat, so the best thing to do is get naked. And get a great bra for when you can’t be naked!

Having a fat attitude (fattitude) can be one of the greatest dating deterrents because potential dates catch onto your negative self-propaganda and believe it too. (This can also happen to the “skinny girls” who myopically focus on pounds and perception. I never saw so much “fattitude” as when I lived in LA amongst all the — literally — starving artists.)

A few indicators that you may be projecting a “fattitude:”

A few tried and true tips to adjust your fattitude:

The post How to Date with Extra Weight: Do you have a Fattitude? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1568723583) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(66) "Top 10 Things Girls Will Never Tell You About Your Online Approach" ["link"]=> string(105) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/17/top-10-things-girls-will-never-tell-you-about-your-online-approach/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Sep 2019 12:24:44 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(150) "Dating AdviceattractiondatingdealbreakershonestyHumorlieslooksmatch.commenonline datingpicturesprofileromanceself-esteemsextruthturn offsturn onswomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3042" ["description"]=> string(605) "

Top 5 Turn Ons 1. We love it when we can tell you read our profile. Yes, it’s fine that you noticed the picture first. We do too. But we love it when you mention something in your email that points to you having obviously read what we wrote as well. 2. There is something […]

The post Top 10 Things Girls Will Never Tell You About Your Online Approach appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Top 5 Turn Ons

1. We love it when we can tell you read our profile. Yes, it’s fine that you noticed the picture first. We do too. But we love it when you mention something in your email that points to you having obviously read what we wrote as well.

2. There is something innately sexy about a confident initiator. The aww-shucks approach about having a friend write your profile or you not being used to this method of dating doesn’t really go as far as a guy who obviously knows online dating isn’t ideal but hey, we’re both here and you’re going to make the most of it by finding our sexy selves online and starting the pursuit.

3. If we think you’re hot, it’s going to take us a bit more time to figure out our approach. Women have subtle ways of being noticed and blatant ways of getting attention. Some women will pop by your profile everyday until you send a hello and others will write you a blatant email of interest, but no doubt about it… women look at the pictures too and at times, it doesn’t make a hill of beans difference what you write in your profile as long as you don’t confess to being a serial killer or Johnny stalker.

4. It’s a good thing to fill out what you’re looking for, since women will a LOT of the time, scroll down to see what really rocks your world. If you only fill out height, body type and ethnicity — you can imagine the message that will send even to a girl who fits into your stats. But if you fill out everything from height to education to religion, most women will feel a bit more secure in knowing that you know what you want and are looking for more than a Barbie doll who happens to be shorter and younger than you.

5. You. You are a top 5 turn on when the genuine you shows up. Most of us have learned to pay attention to our intuition and it almost always lights up when a guy starts showing his true colors. So, if you’re a goofy dork at heart, many girls will love that side of you. Or perhaps you really are an adventure seeking dare-devil… reveal that side of yourself in words and actions. Basically, women love to feel like they are one of the few who really *knows* you, so if you start letting her in… you’re likely to get a pretty quick reaction.

Top 6 Turn Offs

1. If she specifies an age bracket and you are 5+ years above it, she’s gonna do the “Ewwwwwwwwww… he could be my dad!” while deleting your email. Rest assured, women know that they *must* be flexible and more open about age parameters than they may really be comfortable with… after all, that’s what everyone tells them to do for online dating. That being said, the upper end of their bracket is probably already stretched a bit and she’s thinking, “He’s going to have to be hot, look young, funny AND successful to even get a reply email if he’s at the top end of my age bracket.” (Sorry guys, just telling it like it is for most women.) And no, you’re not fooling anyone when you lie about your age. Very few men actually LOOK younger thanks to hi-res cameras. That’s just something nice your relatives told you during your last mid-life crisis.

2. In that vein, catching you in a lie is also, not a turn on. Most women do not think, oh that’s cute — he lied about his height/age/married status/kids because he was afraid I wouldn’t like him. Nope, most women do the same thing you do when women post an inaccurate picture… “How DARE he/she lie to me and think I’m going to ignore it!” You really are better off just embracing everything about yourself and going with the truth. We do tend to find the truth sexy.

3. Most women can spot a canned approach from a mile away. Most women will not reply to aforementioned canned approach. If she does… she either thinks you’re hot enough to take a risk or she’s dumb, desperate or desperately bored. So, no, you are not a stealthy, smart, efficient man if you get a reply to your canned spam. She knows it’s spam and has decided to reply anyway. You may want to duck and cover.

4. Most women do not get turned on by mentions of sex or your sexual prowess in your profile. The same goes double for initial emails. Yes, we KNOW you think sex is important. And we KNOW physical affection is likely at the top of your list for any relationship. Duh. (p.s. It’s important to us as well, we just don’t bring it up since we think it’s obvious.)

5. Pictures. Ok guys, you may have the most buff bod in the world… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the shirtless bathroom mirror self-portrait — there is just NOTHING sexy about it. I know so many girls that just pass that profile right on by no matter how cute the rest of your pictures are, because there’s just a creepy factor that’s hard to get over once you see that shot. I really wish the online sites would auto-delete those pictures, but until they do… post at your own peril.

6. You think that flirting is not equal to cheating. You are a master seducer and know how to seduce a married woman. Well, flirting is cheating because it’s breaking a boundary within a committed relationship. In a committed relationship we agree to give certain parts of ourselves to our partner. You flirting with someone when we’re in a relationship is unloving and it’s disrespectful to our partner. That may not be our intention, but it’s a result of flirting.

The post Top 10 Things Girls Will Never Tell You About Your Online Approach appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(605) "

Top 5 Turn Ons 1. We love it when we can tell you read our profile. Yes, it’s fine that you noticed the picture first. We do too. But we love it when you mention something in your email that points to you having obviously read what we wrote as well. 2. There is something […]

The post Top 10 Things Girls Will Never Tell You About Your Online Approach appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6389) "

Top 5 Turn Ons

1. We love it when we can tell you read our profile. Yes, it’s fine that you noticed the picture first. We do too. But we love it when you mention something in your email that points to you having obviously read what we wrote as well.

2. There is something innately sexy about a confident initiator. The aww-shucks approach about having a friend write your profile or you not being used to this method of dating doesn’t really go as far as a guy who obviously knows online dating isn’t ideal but hey, we’re both here and you’re going to make the most of it by finding our sexy selves online and starting the pursuit.

3. If we think you’re hot, it’s going to take us a bit more time to figure out our approach. Women have subtle ways of being noticed and blatant ways of getting attention. Some women will pop by your profile everyday until you send a hello and others will write you a blatant email of interest, but no doubt about it… women look at the pictures too and at times, it doesn’t make a hill of beans difference what you write in your profile as long as you don’t confess to being a serial killer or Johnny stalker.

4. It’s a good thing to fill out what you’re looking for, since women will a LOT of the time, scroll down to see what really rocks your world. If you only fill out height, body type and ethnicity — you can imagine the message that will send even to a girl who fits into your stats. But if you fill out everything from height to education to religion, most women will feel a bit more secure in knowing that you know what you want and are looking for more than a Barbie doll who happens to be shorter and younger than you.

5. You. You are a top 5 turn on when the genuine you shows up. Most of us have learned to pay attention to our intuition and it almost always lights up when a guy starts showing his true colors. So, if you’re a goofy dork at heart, many girls will love that side of you. Or perhaps you really are an adventure seeking dare-devil… reveal that side of yourself in words and actions. Basically, women love to feel like they are one of the few who really *knows* you, so if you start letting her in… you’re likely to get a pretty quick reaction.

Top 6 Turn Offs

1. If she specifies an age bracket and you are 5+ years above it, she’s gonna do the “Ewwwwwwwwww… he could be my dad!” while deleting your email. Rest assured, women know that they *must* be flexible and more open about age parameters than they may really be comfortable with… after all, that’s what everyone tells them to do for online dating. That being said, the upper end of their bracket is probably already stretched a bit and she’s thinking, “He’s going to have to be hot, look young, funny AND successful to even get a reply email if he’s at the top end of my age bracket.” (Sorry guys, just telling it like it is for most women.) And no, you’re not fooling anyone when you lie about your age. Very few men actually LOOK younger thanks to hi-res cameras. That’s just something nice your relatives told you during your last mid-life crisis.

2. In that vein, catching you in a lie is also, not a turn on. Most women do not think, oh that’s cute — he lied about his height/age/married status/kids because he was afraid I wouldn’t like him. Nope, most women do the same thing you do when women post an inaccurate picture… “How DARE he/she lie to me and think I’m going to ignore it!” You really are better off just embracing everything about yourself and going with the truth. We do tend to find the truth sexy.

3. Most women can spot a canned approach from a mile away. Most women will not reply to aforementioned canned approach. If she does… she either thinks you’re hot enough to take a risk or she’s dumb, desperate or desperately bored. So, no, you are not a stealthy, smart, efficient man if you get a reply to your canned spam. She knows it’s spam and has decided to reply anyway. You may want to duck and cover.

4. Most women do not get turned on by mentions of sex or your sexual prowess in your profile. The same goes double for initial emails. Yes, we KNOW you think sex is important. And we KNOW physical affection is likely at the top of your list for any relationship. Duh. (p.s. It’s important to us as well, we just don’t bring it up since we think it’s obvious.)

5. Pictures. Ok guys, you may have the most buff bod in the world… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the shirtless bathroom mirror self-portrait — there is just NOTHING sexy about it. I know so many girls that just pass that profile right on by no matter how cute the rest of your pictures are, because there’s just a creepy factor that’s hard to get over once you see that shot. I really wish the online sites would auto-delete those pictures, but until they do… post at your own peril.

6. You think that flirting is not equal to cheating. You are a master seducer and know how to seduce a married woman. Well, flirting is cheating because it’s breaking a boundary within a committed relationship. In a committed relationship we agree to give certain parts of ourselves to our partner. You flirting with someone when we’re in a relationship is unloving and it’s disrespectful to our partner. That may not be our intention, but it’s a result of flirting.

The post Top 10 Things Girls Will Never Tell You About Your Online Approach appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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